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Super Allie · May 25, 2008, 06:44 AM

Day 6/7 since break

Day 3 from NC

Doing better than ever

bigbird213 · May 25, 2008, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by jammyb[CENTER

][/CENTER]Though I find that it's good to forget about her, she hasn't initiated contact with me once since we broke up. It's hard to believe that after 2.5 years she's just forgotten about me and doesn't even wanna speak to me.

Don't make assumptions. You have no idea what she is thinking (thats the idea of NC). Why are you going to assume that she is not thinking about you and is getting along fine.

If your going to make an assumption, why not assume that she is struggling every day just like you are? You haven't made contact with her, so she might be saying the same thing about you...

spion_kop · May 25, 2008, 08:53 AM

All right guys, here's the update from my ex.

This is what she sent me last night at 2am.

i find it really immature for someone who says they care alot about me to lie to my face and tell me that they want to be friends when really, they dont...

since the beginning of the break-up i told u time and time again that if u didnt want to be friends, i would understand. and u came to me and said that we would be...and i beleived u..

im sorry for what ive done to u ramsey, but really, lying to me isnt going to make u feel better.

but whatever, if u want nothing to do with me, then fine. this is the last time ill contact u...

have a nice life.

jammyb · May 25, 2008, 09:23 AM

Spion_Kop

This is my opinion on this one. Make of it what you will. I think I'm going to have to take the comedy Chuff route on this one.

i find it really immature for someone who says they care alot about me to lie to my face and tell me that they want to be friends when really, they dont...

Three words spring to mind... pot, kettle and black

im sorry for what ive done to u ramsey, but really, lying to me isnt going to make u feel better.

No, but it's a bloody good start. I don't know about anyone else, but if I had the opportunity, I would jump at the chance of p**sing my ex off (having said that, maybe that's why I haven't heard from her).

but whatever, if u want nothing to do with me, then fine. this is the last time ill contact u...

have a nice life.

Job done... I'm guessing that's the first unselfish thing she's said/done for you in a while.

Sorry to butt in with opinions so early, but I couldn't resist.

jammyb · May 25, 2008, 09:43 AM

I just read your story Spion, and to be honest it sounds incredibly similar to mine. We were together 2.5 years and in the last month she became really close to a coworker, and basically started treating me like crap.

I don't know about you guys, but if I hit on a girl, and she then tells me she's in a long term relationship I back off straight away. That says it all about the sort of people these are. Maybe I'm just kidding myself here, but logic would dictate that that relationship would only end in tears. Either 1) they (new bf) would cheat on the ex, being as they obviously have no moral fibre or 2) the ex would realise that the guys a bit of a (quote from a few pages back) "douchebag". Either way though, they can f**k off, as its not our problem what happens to them. Time to move on to better things (and people).

Jees, that turned into a bit of a rant

NorthernNiceGuy · May 25, 2008, 10:25 AM

So my ex texted me today... I'll admit that I do reply to her texts sometimes (I really shouldn't and after today will really make an effort to stop) She said I was playing games with her. This is way out of left field, because I most definitely am not. She claims that she wants to work on us but that I have to make a large effort. She says things like come visit me or call me, and thinks that's trying. I told her that she would have to really try and that she wanted this so it was up to her to convince me. Does it look like I am playing games? Shouldn't she have to go above and beyond to try and win me back. She is expecting me to do all the work... like always. This coupled with the bombed date last night is throwing me way back. She's cut off now, I can't handle how selfish and controlling she is.

mrchef1110 · May 25, 2008, 10:49 AM

Northern I think you are assuming too much. You have to realize you cannot make either of you go through the change that was needed to get your relationship back on track it is going to require BOTH of you to sacrifice a lot and go through a lot of work to fix a relationship that was flawed. If you are up to it and willing to talk to this lady you have show here that you are willing to try and make the changes and you have to judge if she is as well because as I said before its going to take a lot of work on both your parts to make things work.

ihatewestseneca · May 25, 2008, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by spion_kop

alright guys, here's the update from my ex.

This is what she sent me last night at 2am.

i find it really immature for someone who says they care alot about me to lie to my face and tell me that they want to be friends when really, they dont...

since the beginning of the break-up i told u time and time again that if u didnt want to be friends, i would understand. and u came to me and said that we would be...and i beleived u..

im sorry for what ive done to u ramsey, but really, lying to me isnt going to make u feel better.

but whatever, if u want nothing to do with me, then fine. this is the last time ill contact u...

have a nice life.

Its insane how they try to turn it around to make us feel like the bad guy... we do what we must to move on, and all they care about is themselves. Don't respond, you know the deal, more games. The reason she's contacting you is because she does feel guilty, and why shouldn't she? And she wants to be your friend to ease the guilt. Don't give in my friend... you will regret anything you send back, I guarantee it. Stay strong, its obvious you got the better end of the deal on this break up.

spion_kop · May 25, 2008, 11:54 AM

I have no regrets or hate towards her. I see this as a desperation from her point of view. She is trying anything and everything to get me to respond. It's not going to work because I know her. This is all sick and twisted. She was always selfish and quick to blame others about lies and being dishonest but never herself. She left me because she's changed and so have her feelings. But I've lied because she was trying really hard for us to be friends. But guess what? I changed as well, and now unlike her, I'm moving on and cutting all ties.

As for her coworker, I really hope they do work out or if she finds someone better than me. I don't hold any grudges/hate/anger, it's a waste of my time and energy. I want what's best for her but it won't be with me. Simple.

Yea, I'm hurt for what she did but the lengths to which she goes to blame me for being decietful just shows that this was biggest blessing I could have received.
Always keep your chin up guys and girls.

Edit: I really would like Chuff's take on this though, lol, his words of wisdom does inspire me ha!

Romefalls19 · May 25, 2008, 02:14 PM

UPDATE

Ok, for all you guys, I figured I better give you all an update. So after a long time of NC, my ex finally decided to talk to me. Basic chit chat while we were in book keeping(we work together at a grocery store) and she was just saying things about how school is going and random things. I kept things civil with her as I am over the hate stage. This happened on Thursday, then Friday I sign onto my myspace and she sent me a friend request, with her default picture being one I took of her on a cruise 2 years ago. Weird. So I get to work on Saturday, and <b>MY</b> friend comes up to me and says we need to talk. I was like OK. So she starts talking to me about how she was on break with another guy when my ex was heating up her food and the guy said to her "how's your husband?" and my ex snaps back "he's not my husband! He's not even my lover" so my friend decides to ask her what's that about and she says "we just don't have a lot in common"(as she's telling me this I'm thinking to myself, No sh*t anyone could have told you that) then my friend asks "then why are you with him" and my ex replies "it's just for the time being"

Still no big reason to go running for the hills yet... Then I get a text yesterday saying "yo boy"(what we used to joke around with each other saying) and I texted back hey(very generic) and then we go back and forth with small talk before I end the conversation. Then today at work, she comes up to me and says hey and how I am doing, blah blah blah. Very quick conversation. I send a funny text to everyone in my phonebook, crap it goes to her since she's recent. She replies "I can't see it until I get home" I don't reply. I get another text "I'll read it and then text you if it was funny or not"

So those are the updates so far. And I must say, I'm not stressing or hoping or feeling much of anything ha ha

talaniman · May 25, 2008, 02:37 PM

Amazing how we deal with things without the emotional baggage. And working hard on ourselves.
You have come a long way in less than 6 months.

Romefalls19 · May 25, 2008, 02:47 PM

FThanks Tal, it means a lot coming from you. The same friend asked if I would ever go back with her. I sat back, and the first thing I thought of was you saying "if the problems that plagued the relationship aren't addressed, the second time wouldn't be any different than the first." So I told my friend, that would have to be something me and her discussed face to face and then after we address everything, then we could make a decision. I won't deny I love her but if don't talk about the past problems they will just re occur.

Don't think of this as, Rome is going to start texting her and calling her. Not going to happen, I'm going to continue on the path I'm on right now. I'm just doing my thing, if she happens to want to talk about things then fine, we can talk. But it won't be because I was on my knees. This site taught me that, I can be fine with or without her.

ihatewestseneca · May 25, 2008, 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I send a funny text to everyone in my phonebook, crap it goes to her since she's recent.

Oh... you're one of those people.

spion_kop · May 25, 2008, 03:51 PM

Hmm, I'm having a really strong urge to respond to her message. I don't know I should or shouldn't.

Romefalls19 · May 25, 2008, 03:52 PM

Yep Westy... When something seems funny to me, I text it to everyone. I blame my addiction to my black berry. The only thing my friend brought up was, there really wasn't a reason for her to text saying "she couldn't read it on her phone but can when she gets home"

ihatewestseneca · May 25, 2008, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yep Westy...When something seems funny to me, I text it to everyone. I blame my addiction to my black berry. The only thing my friend brought up was, there really wasn't a reason for her to text saying "she couldn't read it on her phone but can when she gets home"

Yeah, your friend is right, I would have expected a chain text if it were something "funny"... and of course, no response is necessary for those, lol.

mrchef1110 · May 25, 2008, 05:12 PM

So I started Last Friday, although I had two run ins with her one in a group setting and one in an elevator, while we did end amicably. Besides the fact that she dumped me. I do feel hurt over certain aspects of our relationship. I don't know how to feel and it changes constantly as if I am on an emotional roller coaster.
But I can tell you I'm not going to call her, she has to call me

jrsg · May 25, 2008, 05:17 PM

Same here mrchef, it is an emotional roller coaster.

But, now she is going to talk to me over lunch tomorrow. She broke NC with a phone call today, so I will see what happens tomorrow.

bigbird213 · May 25, 2008, 07:42 PM

Rome,

I'm proud of how you handled that. I think you're a great example of the progress that can be made with NC and you are a good inspiration to those who have doubts. Keep it up and I'm sure you'll be doing fine :)

kaneda · May 25, 2008, 08:43 PM

Day 9 is just starting.
You know I've been on the dumpers's side more than once and I can relate to what you girlfriend is trying to pull, spion. You're her comfort, her number 1 backup man and she needs you there always so that she'd feel beautiful, special etc. enough to attract new men (after all there is someone who unconditionally loves her - a safety net). Now, when she is losing you she'll go sweet, angry, pissy, clingy and finally go away and find another sucker. Its good riddance. She sounds immature and dishonest.