[hurtnconfused]

:( I posted a while back about my ex and I'm just so torn right now. Here's just a little history. We were together for almost 8 years, broke up a little over a year and a half ago, but never broke contact. I moved out, got a place of my own, and we continued to call each other, e-mail, go out on dates, just run errands together here and there, and remained intimate as well.

Shortly after the break up, he started a new sport which took up most of his time aside from his normal occupation so he told me he still wanted to see where things go in our relationship, however, he wasn't ready to make another commitment due to his busy schedule. Since we lived with his sister, her boyfriend, and their son, I was OK with my ex coming over to my place and never really thought about going over to his place to visit. As a matter of fact, he said it might confuse his nephew if I came back because the child kept asking what happened to me. Fair enough.

Well all this time had passed and he kept putting things off, until January of this year, I find out... through myspace, the relationship killer... that he had a girlfriend- who actually lives with him. I didn't see this on his page, but apparently a friend of mine saw the girlfriend's page and sent me the link. Here's the kicker... There were comments from him dating back to a month or so before our break up. Plus seeing photos of them together just completely destroyed me.

I confronted him, asked him at first if he had a girlfriend and to tell me the truth this time. He denied. But when I finally told him I actually saw the girlfriend's myspace, he confessed. Of course he was apologetic and explained to me that he was meaning to tell me but couldn't bear the thought of breaking my heart. He also explained that he was working on breaking up with her. He mentioned that when he met her she was living in a hotel because her relationship with her mother went sour so he moved her in, also to help pay rent. Then she lost her job for a while. Now she owes him over $1000 dollars. He told me she will be starting a new job 2 weeks later and will start paying him back. After that conversation, I cut off all communication with him. Started dating right away, nothing worked out for me.

March, a couple months pass and I'm pretty much healed. He calls out of the blue from a blocked number. I thought I was over it, figured I can forgive and be friends. WRONG. He knew about me dating others, and he was still with the GF.

Now, just a week ago, he is telling me he has never stopped loving me. The reason why his relationship has gone sour is because he tried so much to love this girl and make things work but no matter what, there's this "void" and he is still deeply in love with me. My big mistake- we've been hanging out a lot lately, at least 2x a week and my emotions are getting involved again. He tells me that he and his GF aren't doing as much together, partly because they've grown apart. He sees her as more of a "roommate" than a GF, plus she's finally on speaking terms with her mom again. And he is getting his $ she owes him. So he is waiting to get his $, plus when that happens, he is planning on breaking things off with her and since he knows she has a place to go now... He said he just doesn't want to throw her on the streets. He is "working on this and his soul purpose and ultimate goal is to have a future with me." He "never fell out of love with me" and it "took time for him to be with someone and me to date other people to realize that he honestly can't live without me."

Sorry this post is so long but I feel like I'm falling apart all over again. I know the obvious most logical approach to this is to never talk to him again and let him deal with his issues, but it's so hard considering he was a big part of my life and I still love him very deeply. My head is telling me it would be the stupidest thing to do to wait for him and get back together with him if there was any chance, but I can't help but want this man in my life. Any advice, suggestions, thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[JBeaucaire]

Heart is a cruel critter. Heart should only be allowed to roam free when it is making your life better.

Mind can give you information if Heart isn't yelling too loud. Mind can help you lay things out logically and see when things are good for you and when they are not. Mind isn't concerned with feelings, Mind is an honest judge of action and consequence. Mind should be given more power over Heart during hard times.

Spirit gives you an overall feedback on how things are working for you and on you. Spirit can discern deception and manly rationalizations if it is given the chance to do so.

So, make sure Spirit and Mind are given the chance to out-vote Heart if it's the right thing to do. You're life is a terrible thing to waste.

[talaniman]

Sorry this post is so long but I feel like I'm falling apart all over again.

Thats because you are chasing empty bubbles and not applying the good advice you have already gotten. (NO CONTACT, sound familiar?)

I know the obvious most logical approach to this is to never talk to him again and let him deal with his issues,

See, you already know the solution to your problems.

but it's so hard considering he was a big part of my life and I still love him very deeply

Everyone who comes here says that, the ones that work hard, and love themselves enough to give themselves a chance, learn to cope with what has happened, and move on. The ones that don't listen, like yourself, have great difficulty.

My head is telling me it would be the stupidest thing to do to wait for him and get back together with him if there was any chance,

Your head is right, thats so stupid.

but I can't help but want this man in my life. Any advice, suggestions, thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Reread your other posts over and over, until it sinks in. The funny part is he has a life without you, and your still in denial. Click on the links in my signature, and read those too!