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ahhshhlee · May 23, 2008, 04:01 PM

I'm a junior in high school and I've got some big problems. So its all kind of a long story, but to sum it all up I used to cut, and pop pills, and all that pshyco stuff. My boyfriend freaked out so I got some help. That's not the problem though, it's my mom. We have never really got along, not just the normal mother daughter tiffs but some hardcore stuff. And to be honest she was the main reason for the said addictions. After all this things never got better and I eventually ran away. That being said my dad found out, who has been in my life for about a two months a year since I was little, and I chose to move with him. Now my mom says she doesn't love me, I'm not aloud to contact her and I'm also banned from my baby sister. She is three and is my life. I miss her so much. Does anyone want to tell me how to deal with all this? I'm not doing so good and anything would help at this point.

Sonador101 · May 23, 2008, 04:09 PM

Ask your dad to contac an attorney to see if there is something you can do to see your baby sis again.

Chery · May 24, 2008, 04:40 AM

Proud of you for getting 'clean'. And sorry that your mom is forbidding you to see your little sister. But, if she is considered a 'stable' citizen with no mental or social issues and has sole-custody of your sister it will be hard (but not impossible) to get help.

If your dad is willing to help you, he could apply for visitation rights to see your sister and there should be no problem with you being there during these visits.

If, while you were in re-hab, made progress and have positive supporting documentation that you are no threat to yourself or would not be a threat to your sister, your mother could be encouraged by authorities to let you visit her. You might have to relate how you were treated or neglected by your mother to do some convincing that your sister would be better off if given the opportunity to spend some time with you and your dad. Siblings should not be forced to be apart just because a parent is 'mad' at one child - that is not mature.

It all depends on how much effort you are willing to put into this to achieve your goal.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you keep us posted.

Don't give up, no matter how long it takes.

talaniman · May 24, 2008, 05:32 AM

You have already been through a lot at such a young age, and working on your issues is a step in the right direction. Do you think you could benefit from talking to a mature female that you respect? Sometimes it takes a long time to make positive changes, and the right support can surely help. A couple of questions if I may, how are you and dad getting along, and is he the father of your 3 year old sister? I ask because he may be able to help with seeing her. I think your mom has her own problems, and isn't dealing with them very well, so don't take what she says personally, as she may need help herself.

ahhshhlee · May 27, 2008, 04:18 AM

My father is not the father to my sister. My fathers lawyer said that makes everything really hard for me to have rights to see her because she is only my half sister. My mother is not budging at all and she is in my opinion not a stable person. I have many times tried to contact her just to tell her that I still love her but she responds the same way every time, that I need to stop contacting her and to stay away from leeah. I know whereshe is babysat but I'm afraid my mom will file a restraining order. Can she do that?

foreverblue8691 · May 29, 2008, 08:18 PM

Wow, my big sister means absolutely everything to me. I couldn't imagine living without her. I know how hard it is to get over cutting, it is something many people will never know, or even begin to understand. Cutting yourself off from your sister is not a good way for your mother to help you. Perhaps your father's lawyer could point out to the court that she hasn't done right by you, and she probably won't do right by your sister. In fact it seems you aare the only one trying to make the situation better. Proving you to be the most rational family member at this time. Good luck, and keep us here at the help desk posted ;)

j_troubadour · May 31, 2008, 05:29 AM

You may not like this first part but bear with me because I understand the Mom issue. Look at things from her view point. While living with her you had some issues (major kudos for dealing with them by the way) and you were able to deal with them. Once you started getting better you picked up and left to live with someone you barely knew. In her eyes, you've hurt her feelings and abandoned her and your sister for someone I'm sure she has some ill feelings towards. I'm not condoning her actions but just pointing this out because it's always good to see the world through someone else's eyes to better understand where they are coming from.
Ok. Your Mom has issues. Obviously. And I'll tell you from experience that it won't get better until your Mom decides to get help. I'm 23 and my Mom still has not sought after help. I'm sorry to say it may be something you deal with your whole life but she should not keep your sister from you. Don't let what she says bother you. I know it hurts. I had my Mom look me in the eyes and tell me she hates my F***ing guts. I was 17 and it wasn't a pretty feeling. But know that you're special and when your Mom says things like that she is responding to her emotions and being selfish. I see it as my Mom's alter ego. That way when she is being all sweet and motherly I can separate the two and I can try to salvage at least a little bit of our relationship.
Your sister. She is going to need you. I say start with the basics. Try talking to your Mom. Maybe spending every other weekend with your Mom will make her feel like you want her in your life enough to let you see your sister. I know that you don't want to put yourself in that situation but enduring it for a little bit every other week may allow you to see your sister. I can't advise you legally because I'm unfamiliar with such things but I think if you try to take you Mom to court or take any legal actions to see your sister it could make things worse. I suggest using it as a last resort. Talk to your Mom and thank her for the small things. Maybe say that you miss her cooking or something. Even if it is something small it'll help her feel like she meant something to you. Be honest with her. Try talking to her. If that doesn't work look into alternative ways to see your sister. (lawyers)

Chery · May 31, 2008, 04:25 PM

You need help in this with either social workers, lawyers or the therapists that will give you a clean bill of health to talk to them for you. The only thing that would work right now is if you (with help) could prove that your mom is unfit and encouraged to get professional help herself.

Life does not always work out the way we want and we have to learn to accept it, so if your hands are 'tied' right now, you will have to wait for a better opportunity. Don't let your life and progress stop here.. keep up the good work on yourself and look positive toward your future. Sometimes, with patience, things work out by themselves.

Don't go looking to see your sister on your own, it could make things worse for you, so be careful.