[CAgirl21]

So, either vacation together to keep your growing relationship growing, or face reality and let your friendship stay friendly and you each have a fun, un-attached, un-stressful summer.

You guys can do better. Best to stay friends for now, pickup the dating again in the fall IF that's what you both still want to do at that time. No harm, no foul.

I don't mean to steal quotes from another thread, but my own situation is somewhat (at least with the parting for the summer) similar and I was hoping to get feedback to see if I'm doing the right thing.

I also had a very intense but short (2 months) period with a guy I was dating before I left for home for summer break. We were good friends before and cautious going into it and I didn't have expectations that we'd "make it official" before the summer (although it's what I wanted, or at least wanted him to not see other girls, I knew that we weren't dating long enough to expect a summer of phone calls at night thing), but hoped that we could talk about it once we saw each other in the fall. I guess I was thinking that we'd just go into the summer without really having a talk, since we would be on opposite sides of the country, but to leave things on hold until later. I guess I also didn't want to press him into giving me an answer one way or another if he was unsure.

However... he brought it up right before I left and said that he didn't want to go into the summer unsettled and that he thought we should just be friends, but that we would see what happens in the fall. I've been treating this like a breakup although we were never officially together and I've implemented NC, mainly for my own sake to try to recover from our intense time together and the unexpected "end" to things. I didn't expect him to bring it up at all.

Is NC the right thing to do in this situation? He understands and respects that I need the time, but isn't too happy about it. And he expects for us to be friends in the fall if things don't work out. Instinctively I know that NC for a short while is necessary (I'm going on a week) and the cautious thing to do in case things don't work out. And I'm unsure of my ability to have a fun, friendly summer in contact with him. But I'm also afraid that if we don't stay in contact through chat or Facebook that we won't have much of a chance at all at dating in the fall... and I still want it even though I know the point of NC is not to want it. But it's really a weird situation because part of me feels like he's saying "let's wait and see and not mess things up over the summer" and part of me feels like he's saying he just wants to stay friends. I reacted to the latter by telling him that I needed NC.

NC is the safe thing to do to control my own reactions, but I guess I am just scared that his feelings will go away without keeping in touch.

Any thoughts would be wonderful. I've been lurking for a while and you guys really give spot on advice. Please feel free to call me out on any whack or misguided perspectives you read between the lines too. =P Thanks!

[bigbird213]

First off, I'd like to comment on how cool and collected you sound. It sounds like you have thought through a lot of this and decided what you want to do in full knowledge of the consequences and benefits.

Now, as you say, the dilemma comes from him (and you) wanting to remain friends, but you not wanting to develop feelings while talking to him throughout the summer. If you feel that the only way to keep yourself from developing further feelings for him is to go NC then your right in doing it. You need to remember that you are number 1, and you need to take care of yourself.

Now, as far as his feelings fading I'm sure you will hear many things. People will say "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" as well as many other things. In reality, its hard to say what is going to happen in his mind... chances are he doesn't even know.

The best I can suggest for now is maybe keeping in touch in a distant way (emails, letters, but no phone calls/text messages? ) so that you guys can keep in touch but in a "connectionless" way so that the expectation of a response isn't always there and you can keep busy?

Just a suggestion...

[talaniman]

Have fun this summer, and do whatever you want, however don't expect or assume that either of you will get back together again, because we never know what can happen in the coming months. I honestly don't think either of you has gotten that deep in a few months, at least not enough to continue this long distance through the summer, so consider it over, and go on about your merry ways.

[bigbird213]

Relationship Expert

Hey hey, its about time...