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ilikepet123 · May 22, 2008, 01:37 PM

Should I confront with him that I know he is multi dating with others? He is trying to cover it up by denying the facts.

It feels so hurt when you know he is still keeping his doors open...

Most people would say 'just move on... ' but I have feelings for him and I believe that he has too... how can I confront that I know all his behaviors behind me?

jolienoire · May 22, 2008, 01:48 PM

Well do you know he is multidating for sure or are you assuming?

If you know he is dating, and you still want to be with him, and he is lying about it first I think you need to reevaluate who feelings is more important yours or his?

Second if he is lying that is def not healthy, again you need to re-evaluate who feelings are more important.

And last if he doesn't want to stop and you still want to keep your doors open than do so as well. You have two choices stay or go.

While its early in the relationship make sure you establish what you want, and do not settle for anything less. Your happiness in the end is worth it!

ilikepet123 · May 22, 2008, 02:32 PM

He was multi dating with others for about few years on dating websites. He always stated his single status and had never been married but beneficial from the 2 long term live in relationships and had a daughther just turn 12 this year.

I met him 2 years ago and didn't realize that he was multi dating until I found out actually from reading his past email correspondences.

I reassured him that I am only focusing on him as I loved and finally he seems more and more into me. But the women still keep coming back to him and he seems has hard time to rejecting them or he enjoyed too?

Few days ago, we had long talk (actually we always have long talk on msn, intellectually we are compatible, physically he likes me lots).

I can't admit that I had read his emails because he would turn the table and against me...

JBeaucaire · May 22, 2008, 03:16 PM

You're feelings need to be kept in perspective. Of course you like/even love each other. But that's not the point, is it?

He's trying to find "the perfect girl" and right now doesn't believe that's you. You know that based on his actions.

So, hard as it sounds, as long as you've known each other, his actions should be honored. You can keep dating him, just stop acting/talking exclusive. Calmly and eagerly and with no anger put yourself back out there and enjoy the company of others.

Either you two will grow closer and stop the multi-dating-looking or you will find others for a more meaningful "try" at permanent future. Either way, you win.

ilikepet123 · May 22, 2008, 03:34 PM

As much as I want to have myself back, I just can't move on at this moment... I have invested lots time and energy just wanting him to believe I am the one...
Gradually now he agreed to be my boyfriend few days ago... he never said he wanted to be... but still keeping interested in me...

I need strategies to stay calm and have myself confidence back...

serena6878 · May 22, 2008, 03:38 PM

If he does so, it is a clear sign for you that you don't have to take him seriously. He has his choices, and so do you. But it is a good thing that you discover that, for you would be prepared for everything happening later. He might finally go back to you when he finds that you are the perfect match for him; or perhaps he finds other girl better for him. You will enrich your own life experience by learning about different people.

And your life value in my eyes worths more than his because you are brave to devote your heart, and sad when knowing he doesn't do the same thing. You are faithful and innocent.
Good luck!

ilikepet123 · May 23, 2008, 12:24 AM

He stated that in this culture is nothing wrong if hanging out with other female friends other than me...
He said that I am 'good' friend, but not a girlfriend (it's like high school term)... and others are just friends...
He is using his language skills...
Is this true?

JBeaucaire · May 23, 2008, 08:55 AM

Dear, it doesn't matter if it's true. His actions are what you deal with, not his convenient rationalizing. Whether it's a fact or not is irrelevant, DO YOU WANT TO DATE SOMEONE EXCLUSIVELY WHO IS DATING OTHERS?

This is critically simple. Answer that question. Honor your answer, stop looking for ways to get him to be what you want. He is either what you want or he isn't. You can't "talk him into" changing his ways or his beliefs.

liz28 · May 23, 2008, 09:13 AM

Its oblivious that he's keeping his options open and not ready to commit and only looking to have fun when is gave you that excuse about his culture. Even though you might have feeling for him is don't feel the same. In the future make sure you and that person are on the same page and want to be in a relationship with one another because when your dating there's no rules and you can date more than one person before making a decision on who you want to commit to, once your committed and date other people that's cheating, but it don't seem to be that case here since there was no commitment.

talaniman · May 23, 2008, 09:17 AM

I need strategies to stay calm and have myself confidence back...

Start with leaving this players' harum, and getting a better life than the one he has for you. Read my signature.

talaniman · May 23, 2008, 09:18 AM

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you a option in theirs.
Read this over, and over, until you understand it.

ilikepet123 · May 23, 2008, 10:35 AM

Last night we had soft conversation over the phone, and he said that I am his 'good' friend and he still has lots male and female friends. He said 'that's different! Can't someone has more friends once he has a 'close' friend?

talaniman · May 23, 2008, 10:40 AM

He said that I am his 'good' friend and he still has lots male and female friends.

What part of that is it your not understanding?

Can't someone has more friends once he has a 'close' friend?

Obviously he can, since he has done it.

ilikepet123 · May 23, 2008, 11:08 AM

In this relationship I was trying too hard and make all my own effort to keep going...
I thought if he can be touched by my true love and warm heart... he can be comfortable with me in a relationship... I thought he had been hurt by previous rationships thus he is afraid that being trapped again. He said at very beginning 'relationship is a trap'... on his dating website there is empty on the 'relationship' and only 'dating' and 'intimacy' remains