[Drive2Shore99]

I had a messed up upbringing in the middle of nowhere. Most friends say they’re surprised I am where I am today: late 20s, post grad degree, professionally successful (career and own business) & married to great man of 2 years. We don’t flaunt what we have. My husband drives a ’97 Accord w/out power windows/locks & we live in a suburban townhouse. We are saving money to build/buy a house.

I have 2 groups of friends: home & professional. My professional friends have similar lives to mine. They work hard & every couple weeks we go for dinner, movie, & drinks - nothing like “trips to the Cape.” None of us have kids, nor believe we have time for them at this stage.

My home friends are different. 1 is a mom; she works PT at a resort community where she tells me about the “yuppies” from the city that come there to buy second/investment homes. She says terrible things knowing we have been considering buying a home there… The other is a vet, in crazy debt, & marrying a farmer (on a non-working farm). Neither makes a lot of money, but both have nice single family houses, newer cars than ours, & amazing families. I think they are very lucky… Neither has come to visit me in 6yrs (except for my wedding); I travel to them. Both expect “perks” f/my business. And both guilt me for not visiting more often. The get out of jail free card is “We came to your wedding.”

Last week I missed a 28th birthday party. My friend compared her hurt of my not coming to the hurt I felt on my last b-day (my mom died…).

I feel like we are growing apart and are on 2 very different paths. I feel I appreciate their lives, but they don’t even try to understand/appreciate mine. They hurt me a lot and I get upset a lot. My husband feels they are poison and recommends I cut them out, but am concerned that will certainly label me as the “yuppie snob.”

Is this normal? Does anybody have any advice?

[diamondelaine]

Listen, you can't make people feel the way in which you are and you damn sure can't make someone love you. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your husband. You say you don't flaunt your wealth as in cars and homes, nor do you flaunt your successs, but do you brag about it? That's my question for you. Many will find that to be selfish, egotistical and run away eventually. Chill out and talk to friends about your issues and maybe they will give you want you want to know. If there's an issue, just ask.

[turtlegirl16]

I don't get this subject. Are your friends mean to you?





Please dont rate this answer

[mimi03]

It sounds to me as if you and your friends are just in two different worlds now.
I believe you do respect their lifestyles and would only like the same respect in return... So,
Don't feel guilty that things have changed between yourself and your old friends, you have made a natural progression in your life and that isn't a problem or something to be sorry about! I'd say stick with your new group of friends whom you probably have a lot more in common with now and don't put guilt trips on you... those other people are from your past and if they can't be truly happy for the person you've become then that's probably where they should stay!