[mspetac]

I got divorced in 2006 at that time my ex husband and I decided it would be best for my three children to stay with him in the marital home until I got established. I have now been at my residence for 1 and 1/2 years. He has since moved in his girlfriend and her three children and has become a horrible father! There is domestic violence and verbal abuse that my children witness daily. The police have not been involved at this point though. His new girlfriend talks very badly to my children about me, and also is spanking them. She cut both of my daughters hair because "they look to much like me"! Do you think I have a good case to get my children?

[startover22]

Have you even tried to consult with a lawyer?
Was it put in writing by a court that the kids stay with him?
Have you been active in their lives since the divorce?

[mspetac]

Yes I have been very involved I have them every other weekend and every other week in summer. I contacted a lawyer and he said since the divorce was so recent he didn't think a judge would change the order. But I feel a lot has changed!

[startover22]

Time to call the police when another fight breaks out. I would not want my kids around that. As for cutting the girls hair, well, she did that out of spite, that wouldn't hurt the girls so I am sure it won't be an issue with the courts. The fighting and such though, that would be just cause. I am not too good with the law side of things, I know someone that is will be here as soon as they can to help you.
As far as the other side of things, just keep up the visits, and keep loving them until you get this resolved. Stay strong and if the kids tell you what she says, just don't react, say nothing or just say ohhh, that is too bad she feels that way!;)
Do not enter her drama in "your time"... Good luck!

[mspetac]

Thank you so much for the advice. I am trying to stay positive and not let my children know what's going on. I just change the subject when they get into stories but some of the stories about her spanking them and swearing at them are hard to shake off. But I'm trying my best to keep my head up and do the legal route.

[startover22]

What does your husband say when you talk to him about it? How does he react in conversations with you, how do you act? Can you ask him to go to lunch with you or something to talk a few things over? Does he even know you want the kiddos back?

[mspetac]

He is not aloud to speak to me on the phone let alone in person.

[startover22]

Wow, then yes, I suppose the legal way is the way to go for sure! Good luck to you, and keep up the good work with the kids;)

[mspetac]

The only way I get to speak to my children during the week is to call them at daycare because my best friend owns it. If I try to call his house she answers and tells me no. Last night I told her she needed to grow up and put my kids on the phone so she proceeded to yell and swear at me in front of my kids... they were in the back ground crying that they wanted to talk to me! I won't try that again. I did however save her voicemail telling me lots of things that I think the court will love to hear.

[startover22]

Good... you saved that!
You know what I would do... I would get out a pad and paper and write down everything my mind could remember... dates or no date I would write it all down. Then I would retrace in my memory what my children have told me about this woman and their dad. I would try and get as much truthful info as I could about these guys so I could use it against them! I would assume you will have to write a lot and you may not remember everything in one day, but that's OK, it may take some time to get in with the lawyer anyway! So just to be safe, don't call them at their house... if you aren't breaking any rules, you can still call them at the daycare... and see them every chance you can. Until you get a court order I suppose those are your best options! STAY COOL! Don't let her get to you, you are his ex wife, you are a threat, and so are his kids;) Just remember that and stay calm and collected!

[Fr_Chuck]

What was the formal court custody agreement, did it state temporary ?
Next I doubt that the spanking or hair cutting is a issue, but the domestic violence is, if the children are old enough to testify about it.

[mspetac]

No I don't believe it did. My children are 8,5,4 from what I have heard they have to be twelve. And the domestic violence is even in the air because charges were never sought.

[mspetac]

Under your profile it says catholic are you a member or know much about the religion? Im asking because they took my children and got them all three baptized without my knowledge and also had my oldest first communion and conformation.

[lismith]

I am involved in a similar situation with my ex husband. Long story short, she fraudulently drained $30,000 of his retirement money, had an affair and then kicked him out while she carried on an affair with this boyfriend of hers. My husband pays $1200.00 a month in child support to her and she is constantly asking for more. She is now getting married to this guy and moving the kids away to Fort Worth Texas. We hired an attorney a year ago and have filed a lawsuit against her for contempt of court, on 3 different counts, 1 being that she acts inappropriately in front of the children. I was advised to invest in a digital recorder. I paid about $80.00 for this and it has been a life-saver. I now have her on tape cussing me and threatening to "beat the hell out of me" with her kids screaming in the background. She did this in person. I agree with startover22, write down everything. EVERYTHING. Record everything. Even the things the kids say. These will be very valuable in court. And as far as an attorney telling you it's too early, you file a request for custody immediately!! He works for you, not the other way around. If you believe your kids are in a harmful situation, it is your job to fight for them. Remember he did not prove you were unfit, you agreed that they should stay with him until you got established. You go to court and you prove that they are in harm's way. However you have to.
If your attorney refuses to file suit, find one who will. There is an attorney out there who will work for you. You get ballsy. You walk in and tell them this is what I want, this is what I expect and this is what you are going to do for me. It is his job to guide you. Remember, the law says what it says, but the courts are there to protect the children's best interest. If you can show in court that they are in a volatile situation, you WILL get them back and that's when you submit a request for supervised visitation with their father and a protective order barring the girlfriend from contact with them. She has no right to them until she becomes his wife and even then, it's iffy.

[lismith]

But do remember the wheels of justice turn very slowly. Get yourself ready to wait and wait and get frustrated and cry. Every time your case gets postponed or every time your exhusband does not show up for court. These things will happen. GET YOURSELF A GOOD ATTORNEY!! He doesn't have to be expensive. HE JUST HAS TO BE GOOD!!

[mspetac]

Thank you so much for the advice. I didn't know if I could use a recorder like that. Some people say its illegal to do. The weekend was horrible I haven't been able to talk to my children since Thursday night when I went to their school play and my x husband wouldn't even let them come by me!! I have contacted a new attorney that has a great reputation here and is very positive about me being able to get my children home. She did say the same thing about it taking sleepless nights and lots of time :( But it will be worth it in the long run. Im so worried about my kids getting all the negative feedback through the whole process though! Im going to try and get a PPO against her in the meantime though. My attorney thinks we may even be able to get one so she cannot be around my children either. That would be great but I really don't think it will be that easy. In the meantime I hope things get better for you to and I hope you and your family had a great weekend.

[startover22]

Thank you so much for the advice. I didnt know if I could use a recorder like that. Some people say its illegal to do. The weekend was horrible I havent been able to talk to my children since Thursday night when I went to their school play and my x husband wouldnt even let them come by me!!!! I have contacted a new attorney that has a great reputation here and is very positive about me being able to get my children home. She did say the same thing about it taking sleepless nights and lots of time :( But it will be worth it in the long run. Im so worried about my kids getting all the negative feedback through the whole process though! Im going to try and get a PPO against her in the meantime though. My attorney thinks we may even be able to get one so she cannot be around my children either. That would be great but I really dont think it will be that easy. In the meantime I hope things get better for you to and I hope you and your family had a great weekend.

WOW, this is great! Ya, it may be a bit of time and some sleepless nights, but you and I know very well our kids are worth it! Nice job on getting anew layer! I am so proud of you for making a step in the right direction. Weird how it works like this, you have to go after the person you once loved. It is an emotional rollercoaster I am sure! Good luck!;)

[ScottGem]

Chuck asked you a question that you didn't answer. What did the original custody agreement say? This is KEY!

[mspetac]

Scott sorry I didn't see your question... My divorce papers are the only thing that talks about custody and it states that physical custody be granted to him and joint legal to both of us. Shared physical in summer months...

[ScottGem]

Ok, so it doesn't say anything about the custody arrangement being temporary? In that case you need to get your attorney to petition for a change of custody on the grounds that your ex is no longer providing a safe and stable home.