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Alty · May 18, 2008, 09:57 PM

When you aren't so eager to see her. You have to get over her, stop thinking that you are going to get her back, you aren't ready to be "just friends" yet, and seeing her now will only hurt you more. Really Mark, let her call you, and when you are ready to accept that you are just friends then you can get together, anything else will only end up hurting you, trust me on this one, okay?

Mark G · May 19, 2008, 04:31 AM

Yes. I am sorry to ramble on, I just want to add one thing to what you said. You said Im not ready to be friends. After we broke up a first time, I wasn't ready to be friends but we did spend time together as friends and I showed her the person She fell in love with, and then she told me she wanted to give it another chance.

bigbird213 · May 19, 2008, 04:36 AM

Mark,

If your not ready to be friends you shouldn't be talking to her. Simple as that.

She wanted to give you another chance because you showed her your still the person that she fell in love with. Well, how did that turn out? Not well obviously. You cannot be friends with her until you have had time to undergo some serious changes within yourself. And these changes won't come as long as you have contact.

talaniman · May 19, 2008, 05:36 AM

You can be friends when you can accept that friends is all there is, and cope with that fact. I don't think that's just your problem, but hers as well. You both need sometime to get over each other and balance your lives with something else, besides each other. Don't be selfish consider her side also. She has been very clear she doesn't see this as a long term thing. You can be friends, when you can stop pushing for more than she is willing to give. That can take time.

Questions2007 · May 19, 2008, 06:01 AM

Originally Posted by Mark G

My GF of 1.5 years just broke up with me. She told me she doesn't see me in the Romantic way anymore. This hurt, though I know I have become more passive in our relationship and she has become more demanding, etc. We previously broke up for 1 month b/c at that time I became clingy. I have NOT been that way since then, I have corrected that quality. She told me she is not IN LOVE with me anymore and that we gave it a chance after we broke up the first time. I used to be carefree and everytime I feel her pulling back recently I come on strong. I realize many will tell me to move on, though this is my first relationship and I would like your advice on re-attracting her, if any possibility, even small. We were also best friends and shared evertything together and to just have her leave like that hurts. Any way to get her thinking and possibly re-attracting to her. All experience appreciated. Thanks.

The more you try to re-attract her the more you will fail. The best thing to do is to move forward without her in your life. You will find then that you probably don't want to be with her anyway. If she comes back, then you can deal with it then.

damaged · May 20, 2008, 12:49 PM

hey,
I agree with BigBird213..don't talk/see/txt her any more..I know it will be very hard(im in the same situation you are) so it's really hard but just let it go man.Some days will be harder than others but eventually it gets easier, you'll get used to it..;)

Mark G · May 21, 2008, 10:03 AM

Hi, I have one last thing to ask. I just contacted my EX GF, I told her she made the right Decision to break up, and that It is a shame to throw away our friendship/good times we have together even though we are not together. (We broke up once before and when I said this, we started hanging out as friends and got back together). We are/were Best friends and basically when we broke up and then began to hang out again, she realized how much we have and wanted to give it another go. I honestly believe we have an incredible connection. She told me she needs no contact now before we become friends because she needs to get over the relationship. Please don't take this the wrong way, but last time we had contact and got back together, so I do want to continue to see her. Please give me any tips, she is young (20) and I may come across as selfish but I know she does care for me and I don't want to lose contact and more importantly, her in my life. Thank You

Alty · May 21, 2008, 10:11 AM

Mark, I'm going to try one more time. You are not ready for contact because you aren't ready to be just friends. She is trying to tell you that she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, in order to get that through your head, she has opted for NC. You keep hoping that if she agrees to see you that she'll take you back, that's what she's trying to avoid. When you are ready to accept that you to are not going to have a romantic relationship, then you can contact her, until then, NC, because you are still trying to get her back. Let it go Mark, this is not helping you, you have to accept that it's over.

Good Luck.

amcasbur · May 21, 2008, 10:21 AM

I have been through the same thing. My boyfriend, now ex, was very clingy. He would always want to be with me and hold me, I became very sick of him after four years of being with him. So during our fourth year I found that I was falling out of love with him, we were basically bored of one another. We're still friends but we were just too different, we didn't share the same goals anymore. I think it is a combination of becoming bored with a relationship and not being in a romantic love anymore. I like to call the first year of being together "newlywed syndrome" because the first year of a relationship is happy, fun, exciting and new. After that year you have to remind yourself how much you love each other and keep trying new and fun things to do together. If it becomes monotonous you fall out of love. I would suggest taking some time to renew yourself, this might bring her back. If not I guarantee you will find someone better. I was patient and now I'm living with my current boyfriend of 1.5 years and we have more good times then I ever had with my ex in the four years we stuck together. Don't let a long relationship become a crutch, change is difficult but it is not necessarily a bad thing.

bigbird213 · May 21, 2008, 11:54 AM

Mark,

I'm not going to give you advice on how to hurt yourself even further.

I will give you advice on how to get better... listen to her, give her what she asks and stop contacting her. Not only will contacting her hold her back (she just asked you for NC), but its going to hold you back too...

She asked you, politely, not to contact her for a while. Some people would consider that a luxury.

talaniman · May 21, 2008, 12:11 PM

She told me she needs no contact now before we become friends because she needs to get over the relationship.

Go ahead, and ignore everything we have said, and ignore what she has said, and do it your own way, and let us know if it worked out, or not.

I don't want to lose contact and more importantly, her in my life. Thank You

Asked and answered many times in this post by many people, including your ex.

Alty · May 21, 2008, 02:28 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Go ahead, and ignore everything we have said, and ignore what she has said, and do it your own way, and let us know if it worked out, or not.

Asked and answered many times in this post by many people, including your ex.

Exactly. Our advice is falling on deaf ears. I guess the OP is just going to have to learn this one the hard way.

Ash123 · May 21, 2008, 03:08 PM

Here's the good news: The less you do the more you do.

Try to process this: Women respond to a man's absence better than his presence if they are wavering... The magic solution you are looking for lies in this, not in games or manipulation of her time. Really.

The posted advice you are getting is not because they do not feel your pain, but it's because they have... and you need to put it all in her court - not yours...
And focus on yourself. Consider it a time-out from all relationship responsibilities.

spion_kop · May 21, 2008, 04:02 PM

Mark G, take it from me, I went NC with my ex and she is dying to call me and want to know what's happening in my life. I too wanted my ex back until I realized that I need to work on myself and that she isn't the right one for me.

Get control of your emotions and life. Focus on yourself and not her. Who knows man, in the future you two may get back together, but right now is not a good time.

Let her go, and get a grip of yourself. Help her by helping yourself first. Get out before you can actually get in.