[jonesy2008]

Hi I am 18yrs old and a few days ago I found why I was adopted. I want to meet up my parents but my dad dosen't want anything to do with me and my mam hasn't been hear from in years. Should I try and get in contact are not

[swineman]

Hi Jonesy
Very difficult question... I feel you are the only one that can answer that... how do you feel inside?. You must already be distraught about finding out about being adopted?. The people who raised you must love you very much, have given you the best they can, they don't want to see you hurt.

You have some really serious thinking to do. Why doesn't your dad want to see you? Why hasn't your mum been heard of in years? You may have to do some investigating and research to do as to why it all came about.

Not much help I know buddy but it is somewhere to start.

[rnfowl]

I was adopted as well by my adpoted father. I was raised by my biological mother and adopted father. My biological father was never in my life and therefore when I was 12 my step father adopted me. So, I turned 20 or so and decided to look up my biological father. He has two other boys that he also didn't raise so I contacted them first and advised me I was better off not contacting him. I did anyway. Bad mistake. He is a drunk, gambler, and has no morals/values/ethnics. He is a pig. I was prepared for this only because his 2 other sons told me this and had frank talks with me. My mother never bad mouthed him so I couldn't judge from her side. If you decide to do this go in with eyes wide open. The real kicker. I had 2 kids and my biological father called me (I am not sure how he got the number) and told me he remarried and is adopting her son. I told him maybe he can be a better parent to someone else's child rather than his own. He has never spoken to me since. It was hard facing this but I know the answer. I am much much better off with "my people." Have you ever heard the song "these are my people." It tears me up every time. You may have a pleasant experience but just keep your mind and eyes open.

[Fr_Chuck]

First your mom and dad are the people who raised you, for what ever reason the other people gave you up to be raised in the best way possible for the situation.

It is obvoius from what you said the man has no desire to meet you, and this can be for many reasons, if you try and force a meeting he may even have to get a restraining order against you. *** and this is not that uncommon for bio parent who wants nothing to do with the child.

Please understand a large amount of "meetings" are not the happy parties you see on TV, many times it is a cursed filled or anger filled thing.
So search if you want, that is your right to do so, but don't expect to find "parents" you may find people you don't know who may or may not be glad to hear from you.

[suitntie]

Im also 18 and have been through a similar situation... love the family you have. If your parents want to find you they will, after all it's their responsibility. But if you really felt the need to find them then make the decision and go with it

[Violet31]

Dear Jonesy,

Check your options and think carefully about them. Get counseling. This is a difficult issue.
I know from personal experience how difficult and delicate it can be.

Maybe your father won´t see you right now, but he might later. Keep your options open.
I would think the best way is to go through Social Services or the Adoption agency. In my country, which is in Scandinavia, we go through Social Services, children divisions. I know of many happy reunions, so don´t let people discourage you. This can take several years and requires patience and perseverance.

This is a very delicate matter for everyone concerned, but if you want to know your parents, find out about them. Later you might want to send them a letter. I know that some birth parents reject their children out of the deep shame of having given up their babies. Then they change their minds. That is common early on, so give it time.

I do know that some birth parents give their children because they are influenced to do so when they are really vulnerable. Most bitterly regret it afterwards and desperately want to meet their children.

Don´t hesitate to PM me if you have any questions.

Best of luck to you,
Violet.