[kp2171]

I am glad I am not the only one who shares this opinion. If a man wants to have sex with his wife three times a week does that make him a sex addict????GEEZ people get a grip!!!!!

I'm a happy camper with sex three times a week with my wife. More is even gooder... (yes I know that's improper word use)... where do I get the addict badge?

I also shower daily. And I brush my teeth more than once a day. Often before sex. Or after. Or both.

[Crabbergirl]

WOW!! How sexist is that statement????? Who do you worship . Gloria Steinem????

Well number one my personal relationship with who I worship has nothing to do with this. If ANYof you had read my statement in it's entirety you would have seen I have experienced a partner with a sexual addiction. You often do not see everything they are into only what they want you to see. Second if you commit to a monogamous relationship- and especially if you have taken marriage vows to "FORSAKE ALL OTHERS" this also means printed and film media. If this person is not happy with the mate viewing porn then that is her right to press the issue. With all due respect handyman you sound like you may have a skeleton in your closet you are defending.

[Crabbergirl]

So you are saying the 1/3 of the year makes him a porn addict. What is he the other 2/3 of the year??? I cannot believe these answers on this subject. I guess it would be politically correct to say that anyone that does anything for more than once in a lifetime is some kind of addict????!!!!!

Spoken like a true man who thinks he can do no wrong. If a woman's emotional feelings are in any way compromised by her mates actions and he won't stop what he's doing or can't what word do you suggest we use. OH maybe selfish. No I am not sexist and yes I have been married 27 years to the same man who respects me. And if he was a porn freak or disrespectful as some of you are he would be out of here.

[Synnen]

Second if you commit to a monogamous relationship- and especially if you have taken marriage vows to "FORSAKE ALL OTHERS" this also means printed and film media. If this person is not happy with the mate viewing porn then that is her right to press the issue. With all due respect handyman you sound like you may have a skeleton in your closet you are defending.

I have to disagree with you.

I'm married, and have no problem with my husband viewing porn, nor does he have a problem with me looking at pics of hunks in my girlie magazines. I also don't have a problem reading my girlie magazines to look at the pictures of the models, and he doesn't have a problem with me reading romance novels (which are at LEAST as unrealistic about sex and love as porn is).

What you vow in your marriage is between you, your partner, and your god. Period.

The people who are IN the marriage are the people who DEFINE the marriage.

Same thing with relationships.

Look--it comes down to this: when you get into a relationship, you need to define YOUR boundaries. The other person needs to define THEIR boundaries. Then you work on compromising. What you define as cheating, someone else could define as flirting. What they define as cheating may be nothing but intercourse.

The PROBLEM is that most couples don't have this conversation. Like... ever. It just becomes one of those understood things between the two of you that gets defined from a series of comments, suggestions, conversations, etc, that you've had over time, and then we hear back from all these people that think their significant other is cheating when their significant other doesn't SEE it as cheating because it was never DEFINED as cheating.

You're right that if she isn't happy about porn viewing, she has the right to press the issue. However--if it wasn't talked about EVER before this came up, HE also has the right to tell her she's crazy and that porn is nothing more than a quick release that means nothing. THEN the fight starts.

PD--what are you supposed to say to that? You're supposed to say "I guess we should have defined boundaries before this. Let's work TOGETHER to define what's acceptable and what isn't as far as viewing porn and how far flirting with others can go and reading romance novels and all that other stuff so that we can both find a middle ground on this"

If you're asking him to give up porn, though, when it's not affecting your sex life, then you'd better be prepared to give up romance novels, or Sex in the City, or Disney movies, or some OTHER unrealistic portrayal of love and romance--that would be only fair.

Since you haven't defined your limits BEFORE this (and I can't believe that you're married, and had to have been in a relationship BEFFORE getting married, and you never, ever once talked about porn and your feelings on it), you're probably going to need a marriage counselor to work through it together. Your husband has every right to be annoyed with the fact that you're changing definitions (since there WAS no definition before) without consulting him on it, and has every right to be angry that you want him to give up something you hate that to him isn't an issue, especially since you aren't giving up anythign yourself here.

[smoothy]

What suprises me are the women that think viewing porn 3 times a week or more is an addiction, yet they own more than 10 pair of shoes, or handbags, or can go a week without spending a day at the mall shopping or they think the world is ending but That's not an addiction because its what THEY like to do..

When I hear this I see a relationship in serious trouble because of an insecure, controlling woman. This is the #1 thing that can drive an otherwise faithfull loving man to look for another woman.

Look then man isn't out fooling around... he isn't at the bar getting drunk. He is at home doing nothing harmfull.

[amIwrong]

I go to the mall about once a year and I have to be dragged there. I don't comsume myself with shopping as I hate spending the money I work hard for, I read. I think it's safe to say everyone has their something as a person, not just male or female.
I agree with you, though I think what she is trying to say is that, the couple does not share clothes...

What suprises me are the women that think viewing porn 3 times a week or more is an addiction, yet they own more than 10 pair of shoes, or handbags, or can go a week without spending a day at the mall shopping or they think the world is ending but THATS not an addiction because its what THEY like to do..

When I hear this I see a relationship in serious trouble because of an insecure, controlling woman. This is the #1 thing that can drive an otherwise faithfull loving man to look for another woman.

Look then man isn't out fooling around.....he isn't at the bar getting drunk. He is at home doing nothing harmfull.

[pd6778]

Synnen

Your absolutely correct that I should have confronted him before marriage but while we were dating for about 1 year he show no signs of this matter. He have no internet where he was living(renting a room with no phone line). He dosen't even have playboy magazine or any pinup of any female. My bedroom sex is still great but I get turn off sometime during sex because not knowing if he is excited about me or thinking about other girls on porno site. My friends think its I the one with the problem. As of last week I told him if I ever catch him watching porno when I'm home, I will smash that computer apart. Its okay for him to watch when I'm not home and I also indicated to him that no sex until I say so.( I know I'm evil but if he continue on watching porno then he might as well marry his right hand for I'll be gone) Is this too harsh on him?

[pd6778]

Smoothy

Controlling no, bring my husband back to reality yes. I have plenty of friends that let their significant other view these porno site without rules regulation and soon they start contacting each other and now the men start paying these women to do whatever he want them to do on these site. I have to admit it very addicted. When a man think with his bottom head that when a woman cue to come in and put it back to where his head suppose to be. I strongly believe that a woman need to let the man know that there is a fine line between right and wrong. My feeling is being hurt and he ignore it? No way would I stand for that nor should any women. If my husband should leave me because of this well I guess there is nothing I can do but say hooray and live an extra 10 more years.

[kp2171]

So you've effectively told him you don't want him to pursue you, to chase you, or to initiate sex. That doesn't seem like a good time to me.

I'm not sure its progress forward... mostly acknowledging the situation and holding back sex. You've given him some "room" to indulge in this fetish, but you've made sex about when you say so. I guess it happens all the time... seems harsh to read it on the page, see it in writing. This is an attempt to punish him? Take control? Change his behavior?

Maybe it'll work out. Your life, your bedroom, your choice. And his choice too. I'm not saying he is right or wrong. I just don't think the issue is solved.

Giving him a "green light" to indulge in a fetish you see as destructive, and then barring sex until you are interested doesn't leave the situation resolved. Maybe in time he and you can find a better way to meet in the middle.

[amIwrong]

I agree, there has to be some compromise that can be reached.

so youve effectively told him you dont want him to pursue you, to chase you, or to initiate sex. that doesnt seem like a good time to me.

im not sure its progress forward... mostly acknowledging the situation and holding back sex. youve given him some "room" to indulge in this fetish, but youve made sex about when you say so. i guess it happens all the time... seems harsh to read it on the page, see it in writing. this is an attempt to punish him? take control? change his behavior?

maybe itll work out. your life, your bedroom, your choice. and his choice too. im not saying he is right or wrong. i just dont think the issue is solved.

giving him a "green light" to indulge in a fetish you see as destructive, and then barring sex until you are interested doesnt leave the situation resolved. maybe in time he and you can find a better way to meet in the middle.

[want_to_know]

I think there is something he is attracted to by watching it frequently and watching when your not home. He probably doesn't want you to feel bad that he is taking so much interest in it. I think if your open minded do some of the stuff they do in porns and excite him just as much, so he doesn't find that more interesting than you. Either watch it with him and take interest or show him a side of you in the bedroom that puts those tapes to rest :) If it doesn't eliminate the problem maybe he will do it less. Guys like excitement no matter how they get it! I think? As far as cheating depends on your definition! But definety not normal.

[Apocryphy]

It matters not where you get your appitite as long as you come home to eat.