Check out some similar questions!

vaartstudent · May 18, 2008, 12:33 PM

I met this guy online and he got this girl pregnant and they were broken up. When I met him he said he thought she lied about the pregnancy because last time she called she said she was going to have a abortion and he thought that was her excuse to get out of lying about being pregnant to get him back.

I ended up knowing the girl through my friend. I met her and she was pregnant and she was very sick. The pregnancy was high risk and she carried it to term. She said she didn't not call him after she left the message about the abortion because he had stopped calling her back about a month before that and she thought if he didn't try to stop her then he didn't care.

The baby was premature and has a lot of problems. She knew there were problems before the baby was born but she wouldn't have the abortiom. The mother is also very sick and having the baby really stressed her body out and now she has emotional problems from the baby being sick. I heard from a friend that she had post partum depression but she didn't tell me that so I don't know for sure. I also heard from the same friend she was drinking now and using lots of drugs to deal with the stress.

When I first met this guy he told me how she was acting why they broke up and I said it sounded like she was cheating. I put the idea in his head and he told me he never considered it before but I only said that because I did not know the whole story.

When she had the baby she had a friend call to tell him. He never showed up to see the baby. The baby is one month old and still in the hospital. He won't go and I heard from many people it's because he thinks it isn't his and he just doesn't like her and doesn't want to see her.

I had a baby myself when I was a teenager so I feel so bad about the whole thing because I made it worse by telling him she could be cheating.He says he hasn't seen any proof and she says she's not showing him anything if he won't ask because he's just going to have some other excuse then. I know she had the baby because I saw the pictures and hospital papers but that doesn't prove it is his.

She just wants to give up on him. She makes much more than him and so this is not about about child support. I told her it has to be illegal to not show him proof. She says she has notified him because the friend called twice and she asked him in many mails to do parenity testing but he just ignores her. Is what she is doing illegal? Doesn't she have to do more than just tell him there is a baby? I feel like I need to fix this because I put the doubt in his head in the beginning by mistake.

JudyKayTee · May 18, 2008, 12:50 PM

I don't quite know what you are asking - if you're asking if it's illegal for her to say he's the father, no, it's not. I suppose at some point it could rise to slander but he'd have to prove damages and this seems to be a lot of third party "he says/she says" and it looks like she thinks he is.

If he wants to know if he's the father he should file a paternity action in Court, get Court-ordered DNA testing and a decision. If she wants to know if he's the father, she should do the same thing. If she's on public assistance she will have to reveal the name of the father (or any prospective fathers) and they will all be tested so a support order can be obtained.

If he does nothing she can come back in the future and claim child support, including back support.

If he's smart, he'll make the first move and get DNA testing.

ScottGem · May 18, 2008, 12:51 PM

No, she doesn't even have to inform him he's a father. If she's informed him that the baby is his and he and she do no more about it, that's their choice.

Unless she applies for public assistance no one will insist on dealing with a legal father

stinawords · May 18, 2008, 12:53 PM

No, what she is doing is legal. And for the record did she cary the baby to term or was it premature, it can't be both so I'm going to guess premature. He dosen't have to go see the child especially because as of right now he isn't the legal father. She would have to take him to court to get him to help pay any medical bills for the baby and/or child support. However, if she isn't going to go to court to ask for a DNA test and he isn't either then there really isn't anything that can be done.

vaartstudent · May 18, 2008, 01:50 PM

I'm sorry when I said she carried the baby to term I meant to mean like that she had it instead of the abortion. The baby was premature over a month. I was really just asking if it's legal for her just to tell him she had the baby and then let it go. It sounds like you all are just saying it is. I thought maybe the girl had some obligation more than that if he didn't respond.

I have no proof he is the father but I have no reason to not believe her and everything matches up with her story it doesn't seem like she ever lied to me. I just feel bad because I put the idea in his head that she was cheating when I didn't know the whole story and now it seems like she is using that idea to her benefit to not deal with him. She has heard that he doesn't think it's his and she's basically just saying okay fine because I don't want to loose custody and end up paying him child support so let him think that because if he's not going to bother asking then she doesn't care about him.

JudyKayTee · May 18, 2008, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by vaartstudent

I'm sorry when I said she carried the baby to term I meant to mean like that she had it instead of the abortion. The baby was premature over a month. I was really just asking if it's legal for her just to tell him she had the baby and then let it go. It sounds like you all are just saying it is. I thought maybe the girl had some obligation more than that if he didn't respond.

I have no proof he is the father but I have no reason to not believe her and everything matches up with her story it doesn't seem like she ever lied to me. I just feel bad because I put the idea in his head that she was cheating when I didn't know the whole story and now it seems like she is using that idea to her benefit to not deal with him. She has heard that he doesn't think it's his and she's basically just saying okay fine because I don't want to loose custody and end up paying him child support so let him think that because if he's not going to bother asking then she doesn't care about him.

As long as he knows she can come after him for child support - as could the State if she receives any benefits - then they are two adults and can (presumably) handle this.

I have no idea why she would think she would lose custody and pay him support -

vaartstudent · May 18, 2008, 07:45 PM

Thank you everyone. You answered my question but I wish the answer was different.

To answer you Judy I think she thinks she would loose custody and pay him support just because before I put the idea in his head that it was someone else's baby he told her he planned to sue for full custody and she makes very much more money compared to him.

This guy I am talking about was my friend but I am so frustrated that he doesn't just confront her and go see his baby!! I hope it works out in the end. Thank you all of you.

ScottGem · May 19, 2008, 06:10 AM

Originally Posted by vaartstudent

To answer you Judy I think she thinks she would loose custody and pay him support just because before I put the idea in his head that it was someone elses baby he told her he planned to sue for full custody and she makes very much more money compared to him.

Well, if he is named the legal father, then he certainly has the right to try an obtain custody and if he gets it, to get child support. The likelihood of that, is extremely small. Fathers are awarded full custody in very limited circumstances. Generally when the mother is unable or unwilling to give the child proper care. Its also mostly when the children are older and have known the father a long time.