[Mark G]

My GF of 1.5 years just broke up with me. She told me she doesn't see me in the Romantic way anymore. This hurt, though I know I have become more passive in our relationship and she has become more demanding, etc. We previously broke up for 1 month because at that time I became clingy. I have NOT been that way since then, I have corrected that quality. She told me she is not IN LOVE with me anymore and that we gave it a chance after we broke up the first time. I used to be carefree and every time I feel her pulling back recently I come on strong. I realize many will tell me to move on, though this is my first relationship and I would like your advice on re-attracting her, if any possibility, even small. We were also best friends and shared evertything together and to just have her leave like that hurts. Any way to get her thinking and possibly re-attracting to her. All experience appreciated. Thanks.

[bigbird213]

I know you said you want advice on how to re-attract her and you don't want to be told to move on. So for that reason, I won't tell you to move on. But at the same time, I won't tell you how to re-attract her. Trying to get someone back almost always ends in failure, and when it does work out, it never works out the way the person intends.

I tend to think that the solution to your problem is the answer you don't want to hear. On of the best ways to "re-attract" someone is to move on and let them know that you don't need them (especially with your history of clingyness), however many times the person who has moved on doesn't want to get back together anymore...

Food for thought.

[WhatN3XT]

Your quest to change her mind about how she feels about you can only start with your actions from this day forward. And once you are over her, and made yourself that "guy she fell for" is available again. I think you may be saying to yourself " these old ppl don't know what I'm going through" we have been down your path... in my case multipal times.

First, check all the support that is available on here. I am not the only one that tried to get their girl back. I know it is hard to read all the post starting with " fix yourself" " make yourself happy" etc. It is true, once you become that person that your ex fell for... well someone else will fall for you. And you will forget about the one that made you that way. And that day, you should celebrate.

I would bet my next pay check, that you would rather be with the new relationship than go back to never knowing if your ex would work out.

[Mark G]

From your experiences, has she lost all feelings for me? Can you do that after a year and a half. I appreciate the HONESTY, I miss her Dearly and like I said she really is my Best Friend though I told her yesterday on the phone it's a waste to throw away our friendship and she told me she is not ready. How is she not ready? Is this possible? I mean she broke up w/ me..

[bigbird213]

From your experiences, has she lost all feelings for me? Can you do that after a year and a half.

Not only a year and a half, 2 years, 4 years, 5 years... It happens and it is most certainly possible. Generally, however, you feel the sting much worse then they do because they have been growing distant slowly. We are just too blind and caught up in emotion to notice. Chances are she has been pulling away from the relationship over time. Whether they do this consciously or not, I don't know, but it definitely happens. That's why many times they seem to handle it much better (they being the dumper).

[Mark G]

Thank you for your Help. Should I have No Contact? She was my best friend as well and I would like to continue that. Also If she is to see me as the man she fell for (strong, independent, etc.), how can she do so if I don't have contact?

[bigbird213]

Mark,

I think your starting to fall into a common trap among people who try to use NC. You want to use it but you keep the idea of making her jealous/miss you/etc in the back of your mind. The problem with that is you won't ever be able to commit fully to NC. Its like being an alcoholic trying to quit but looking to the end of the week so you can have a beer. Its just not going to work out...

To address your other question, being strong, independent, etc is what NC is all about. Its about showing that your independent and strong and that you can survive on your own. The reality of NC is that once you accomplish this, chances are you won't want her back. You'll realize everything wasn't as good as you think it was through your rose colored glasses. You'll get excited about meeting someone new and moving forward and growing into a more complete person.

Ask yourself this: When did you notice her the most in recent history? Probably when she disappeared... see how that works?

[talaniman]

This is my first relationship and I would like your advice on re-attracting her
Sorry no one knows how to change someones mind like that, but since this is your first relationship, you must learn how to cope with your first break up.
From your experiences, has she lost all feelings for me?
Not lost, my friend, but changed as we humans are prone to do.
Can you do that after a year and a half.
Any human can have a change of heart any time
Should I have No Contact?
Yes you should, to let the emotional dust settle, and give you a chance to cope with your hurt feelings, and loss in a positive way.
She was my best friend as well and I would like to continue that.
The friendship cannot be healthy until the friends are healthy, and right now, you both can stand to heal.
Also If she is to see me as the man she fell for (strong, independent, etc.), how can she do so if I don't have contact?
Part of being an adult is accepting what life throws at us and realize its to late to impress someone, and when to regroup and move ahead with our lives. Sorry for your loss, but it will get better.

Click on the links in my signature, to see that you are not alone, and we all have been there.

[Mark G]

Once again, thank you for your Input. I met my EX GF for lunch yesterday and told her I agreed with the breakup, and then dropped it and continued on normally to which she responded, hust to get her talking. Should I still leave her alone or can I follow up with another meeting. Thanks for your help guys I appreciate it

[bigbird213]

Drop it and let her make the next move. Get on being busy and healthy by yourself.

[talaniman]

Should I still leave her alone or can I follow up with another meeting

What would be your point? You think you can talk her into changing her mind, and taking you back?

[Alty]

Okay, a female perspective here.

One guy in particular comes to mind. I broke up with him, he took it really hard, he kept calling, saying "let's be friends" I agreed to meet with him. We went out for a bite to eat, he said that his friends were having a party, did I want to go? I said sure friend. The "party" ended up being at a hotel, no one else was there, he had rented the room for us so that we could talk and work on our "relationship". What relationship, friends don't go to a hotel room together. I told him that, he said, "I'm trying to make you see that I love you, I spent allot of money on this room, you owe me something." What? I agreed to be friends, I made it clear that the relationship was over, I never once asked you to change for me, I just don't want to be together anymore. He tried calling a few more times after that, and sadly I didn't learn the first time, I really hoped we could be friends, but he never accepted it. I went to NC. Six years later I was getting ready to marry my wonderful husband. The day before the wedding my ex called "Have you wised up yet? When you realize that you made a mistake I'll be here waiting."

Just go to NC, forget about her and move on. When you can accept the fact that friendship is the only thing you'll ever get, then perhaps you can be friends. As long as you are still trying to change yourself in order to get her back, there is no hope of friendship.

Good Luck.

[Ash123]

You might want to read the posting below. He has s similar issue. But frankly, I think you may need to move on bud - hang in there!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-216785.html

After that, look over the survival guide i have listed in bold below. The pain is excruciating, so you need mental first aid fast!

[Mark G]

Since all of you are being so generous with your experiences (Females included), I would also like your take on this: We broke up after 1 year together and we were apart for 1 month. During that month, I told her I accepted her decision, and was a strong, independent person, but we still saw each other, went to lunch, a few dinners (as friends), etc. After a few weeks of this she told me she wanted to give it another shot. During that time I DID have Contact with her though I looked at her not wanting to "get her back", rather to just to have fun together. That is what I feel like now was well. Soo, having said that, any change in advice/contact, etc. Thank You in Advance, I appreciate your Help and Honesty.

[Ash123]

She was downshifting you into the friend zone.
Maybe she'll date you more... maybe she won't.
If you are cool with that, then let it go at that.

Otherwise, you need to take time before you can be in the F-Zone.
Silence works best. Once you are over the pain, you can be friends if you want -
ON YOUR TERMS.

The middle ground only works if you are not in love - which you ARE...

BE strong and be yourself... and be on your own a while...

[talaniman]

So you have been through this before, and she has come back. Well you haven't evolved very far since getting back together then have you? Are we seeing a pattern emerging? Curious as to what seems to be breaking you up every year? Was it the same reason now as before?

[Mark G]

Not quite, when we got back together after breaking up, she wanted to give it another chance but ultimately she told me she is not IN LOVE with me.. I don't really understand it but that's what she says and also that she doesn't see me in the romantic way and if it hasn't come back then it won't. The thing is, we truly do have such an amazing time together and relate to one another. She knows everything about me and me about her, she used to call me up telling me she misses me and wants to cuddle, etc. Now I know she has been going out w/ her friends a lot, I feel like I want to ask her to meet up since I hope to spend time w/ her... sorry for rambling, just confused

[Alty]

Love is confusing, and so is the loss of love. Honey, long story short, you can't make someone love you, no matter how much you love her. I understand that you are hurt, I know you want her back, but the longer you hold on to hoping that will happen, the longer it will take for you to get over this and move on. It's time to let her go, time to heal yourself, build your life and get over her. You'll be amazed how a few days, weeks, months can change how you feel about all of this, spend that time on you, not on her, because I can guarantee, for her it's over, and she has already moved on.

[talaniman]

she wanted to give it another chance but ultimately she told me she is not IN LOVE with me.. I don't really understand it but that's what she says and also that she doesn't see me in the romantic way and if it hasn't come back then it won't.

She likes you as a friend to hang out and talk to, but kissing and cuddling ain't going to happen any more. In other words friendzone, and yes she is moving on.
Back away, and give yourself some time to understand, you like her a lot more than she likes you. Time to regroup, and wish her well. Click on the links in my signature, and read the stickies to help your understanding.

[Mark G]

How long before I can contact her and at least meet