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lifeseek · May 14, 2008, 10:55 AM

Okay here’s an abbreviated version of my question. I started to type a more in-depth history, but it was so long I thought I’d just attached that in case anyone wanted to read it. Basically I am wondering how ‘normal’ it is for husbands who ‘love their wives more than anything else in the world’ to want their wives to sleep with other men? Can a couple of years of strongly suggesting this really be about wanting a wife to have a better self-image and libido? Can that story hold water after all hell breaks loose because the wife developed a crush on someone before they had sex and so she plugged the plug on the whole thing – only later to find that her husband has a secret profile on a swinger/sex hook-up website (which was put on after he found out about the crush)? I’m trying to take my portion of the blame, but I can’t get over the idea that this is all just a set-up that backfired on him. Anyone else been in/seen a similar situation?

talaniman · May 14, 2008, 11:17 AM

lifeseek. How 'normal' it is for husbands who 'love their wives more than anything else in the world' to want their wives to sleep with other men?

Even trying to be open-minded, I don't think that's normal except among sex addicted freaks.

Can a couple of years of strongly suggesting this really be about wanting a wife to have a better self-image and libido?

If you're a freak, then any excuse is good, I suppose.

Can that story hold water after all hell breaks loose because the wife developed a crush on someone before they had sex and so she plugged the plug on the whole thing –

Does that mean she wasn't going to indulge you your sick twisted fantasy?

only later to find that her husband has a secret profile on a swinger/sex hook-up website (which was put on after he found out about the crush)?

Sick twisted freak, looking for other sick twisted freaks, because wife was not a sick twisted freak.

I'm trying to take my portion of the blame, but I can't get over the idea that this is all just a set-up that backfired on him.

Smart female, get away from the sick twisted freak, and his sick twisted ideas.

Anyone else been in/seen a similar situation?

Still looking for other sick twisted freaks are you?:eek:

lifeseek · May 14, 2008, 11:43 AM

Well, at least your response made me laugh! " Smart female, get away from the sick twisted freak, and his sick twisted ideas." I wish I felt smart - feel like I should have seen this coming after 12 yrs together. As far as getting away from him - we have a son together and I don't make enough money right now to be a single mom. I am hoping that some counseling will help us.

Ash123 · May 14, 2008, 11:51 AM

First, I am going to approach this as if it was normal and you both are sane.

- If he has a fetish for voyeurism it may be due to a number of things. Nevertheless, it's now a problem for you. You don't want to do it. If he loves you he needs to be told in no uncertain terms that this ain't happening... And you are open to role playing and talking out fantasies but that's where it ends. If he persists - I can only deduce that you are not compatible.

Does he love you? I am not sure.
Should you be married? I am not sure.

But see if you all can find a new fantasy.

NOTE: I know a woman who was married to man who flatly told her to sleep around because he was going to... it took her 6 years to divorce him... these things take time.

Hang in there.

A

talaniman · May 14, 2008, 12:06 PM

IN ANY RELATIONSHIP, BOUNDARIES MUST BE AGREED UPON, AND ADHERED TO Through COMMUNICATION, AND TRUST.

When one partner is way to freaky for the other, then its time to go. I wasn't sure which partner you were, but now that I know, you either put up with it, and let him change you, or get the heck out of dodge, and find a normal, healthy person, who won't put his freaky ways before the relationship, especially with an unwilling partner.

ScottGem · May 14, 2008, 12:22 PM

Normal, no its not normal. Normal is something that the majority of people think is OK.

But is it wrong? No I don't think that either. As long as this is something you both can agree on and accept. The swinging lifestyle does exists. Some men and women get off on seeing their partners with others. Some people strongly believe that monogamy is unnatural or that variety is the spice of life.

The main point is that BOTH sides need to consent to this.

lifeseek · May 15, 2008, 04:14 PM

Scott, Yes the response did help. Just needed an outside perspective. Thank you.

lawanwadee · May 15, 2008, 09:18 PM

NO.. this is NOT normal...

Is it wrong? It is if you disagree...

I've seen many divorce cases resulting from this similar to this situation.
Recently there was one case.. interesting...
A couple in their late 20's, were married for 10 months.
She did not have a clue that her husband loves this lifestyle until after marriage.
He routinely tried to make an arrangement to get her into his swinging club,
She refused and they ended up with arguments... time after time.
The ugliest thing was he filed for a divorce and sued her for marriage fraud.
Finally she was granted spousal support for 3 years!!