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brittanyb24 · May 13, 2008, 01:31 PM

The father of my son always has something negative to say about me and my parenting. I'm basically a single mother who lives with my child's father and I work with my 1 yr old. I don't feel that I should have to hold him while I do everything but if his father hears him cry he flips out on me saying I'm a bad mother that I should have never had our son.because of his father I end up holding my child a lot. If I have to shower or do anything for me I ask his dad to watch him real quick and he always says wait until he goes to sleep, but if he wakes up he'll barge in on me in the shower yellin to get out cause our son woke up from his nap. He always threatens to call cps on me. I had to quit my second job because he wouldn't watch our child. He also says he will let our child know when he's older what a bad mother I was. I love my son and it kills me when he says these things to me. Is this mental abuse?

startover22 · May 13, 2008, 01:36 PM

Brittany, I think it is time for you to have the dad leave the house or you leave. How old are the both of you? You should not be going through all of this. It just doesn't have to be like this. Why is he still in the same house, are you guys together or not together? You keep saying the father of your son but not boyfriend or husband. What is the situation?

brittanyb24 · May 13, 2008, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by startover22

Brittany, I think it is time for you to have the dad leave the house or you leave. How old are the both of you? You chould not be going through all of this. It just doesnt have to be like this. Why is he still in the same house, are you guys together or not together? You keep saying the father of your son but not boyfriend or husband. What is the situation?

I am 21 yrs old and his father is 22. Were together but we don't act like it. Basically I feel trapped. He says if we don't live togther he wants our son 50% of the time. But he doesn't help me with anything and I don't want to give up my son to him 50% of the time because he will have his family do everything for him and I think that our son should have his "parents" raise him. I know that if we went to court I would probably win but... his father lives a different life style and makes me believe what he says. He threatens me a lot and breaks all my things. So I end up doing nothing because I'm sick of dealing with my stuff being broken and my family being threatened. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want my son to be happy and I also want to be happy.

startover22 · May 13, 2008, 02:00 PM

Brittany, your son is not gaining from his fathers behavior. He should not see any of it, him breaking things, hearing his words towards you. This is not a good two parent home. I know this from experience. You just have to go... even if it is just to OPEN his eyes. Show him you are stronger, you can deal with this in a healthy way. He may see that he has made some big mistakes and begin to change. What do you think about that?

Alty · May 13, 2008, 02:08 PM

Starty, had to spread the rep.

Startover is 100% correct. This is not a healthy situation for you or your son. You are not a bad mother, he is a bad father. It's time to get out and file for full custody, you need to make a better life for yourself and your child.

Good luck.

brittanyb24 · May 13, 2008, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by startover22

Brittany, your son is not gaining from his fathers behavior. He should not see any of it, him breaking things, hearing his words towards you. This is not a good two parent home. I know this from experience. You just have to go.....even if it is just to OPEN his eyes. Show him you are stronger, you can deal with this in a healthy way. He may see that he has made some big mistakes and begin to change. What do you think about that?

I feel he is controlling me with our son... and I'm very sick of it. He will let me go but he will still control me. Like he wants him 50% of the time.I can't have our son at his dads this day and at mine the next. If I move from my place to another he will want copies of the keys , he will always stop by day or night , he wants to make sure I'm not talking to other men. I still won't be happy.

brittanyb24 · May 13, 2008, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by brittanyb24

I feel he is controlling me with our son... and im very sick of it. He will let me go but he will still controll me. like he wants him 50% of the time.i can't have our son at his dads this day and at mine the next. if i move from my place to another he will want copies of the keys , he will always stop by day or night , he wants to make sure im not talking to other men. i still wont be happy.

Also I don't have the money to move I'm stuck here. I pay for everything. This is a difficult situation for me. I know I got myself into it but it's the getting out that's so hard.

startover22 · May 13, 2008, 02:20 PM

What would he do if you went straight down to the court house and filed for custody, then told him he needed to leave? Tell me what you think would happen?

brittanyb24 · May 13, 2008, 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by startover22

What would he do if you went straight down to the court house and filed for custody, then told him he needed to leave? Tell me what you think would happen?

He would say I have 30 days to leave. I would have to go through the eviction process. (I have already dealt with this before and I called a help line and they told me he was right that he has 30 days)and he would tell me he won't show up to court. And then he would say if you try to take my son away from me your family will pay you will pay and everything I own will be desroyed.

startover22 · May 13, 2008, 02:37 PM

Brittany, when you write this does this sound good?
I know it doesn't, you have to get out of this. Do you have a family member you can stay with? Is your name on the lease or is his? Can anyone help you where you live, family or friend...

bushg · May 13, 2008, 02:41 PM

1-800-799-7233 call this domestic hotline and talk to some of these people. Hopefuly they can get you into contact with people in your area. Throwing your things and breaking them and threatening you and your family is against the law. He can go to jail for it. He is a little punk and needs to be dealt with.

YOu don't need him esp. if you are taking care of your child and doing the providing. What in the hell is he good for. The chance are great that your son will grow up to be a nervous mess, a woman abuser or someone who lets himself be abused if you don't do something and get him out of this situation. Believe me honey he is being effected by all of this, even if you quietly take the abuse,he can sense that something is wrong. YOu are not doing him any favors by sticking around and your not doing his dad any either, your just showing the dad that he gets what he wants by being abusive. Tak a stand for yourself and your baby and let this group help you.

brittanyb24 · May 13, 2008, 02:41 PM

Originally Posted by startover22

Brittany, when you write this does this sound good??
I know it doesn't, you have to get out of this. Do you have a family member you can stay with? Is your name on the lease or is his? Can anyone help you where you live, family or friend.......

I don't want anyone to help because they will all know what really goes on at our home. I guess I have to really sit and think about what I'm going to do thanks for your help. I have to go I'm at work . If I have anymore questions I'll look for you for answeres. Thanks.
Brittany

startover22 · May 13, 2008, 02:47 PM

Brittany, I would advise you to write out a plan... call the number bushg gave you up there and start your course of action. This is unsafe for you and the boy. Telling the people who love you, as for that, well, you are going to need to at some point, whether it is when you leave this man, or when he decides to throw you instead of something against the wall. Seriously, you need to get a plan together and not be afraid to go forth! We are here to support you, no matter how rocky the road gets! You have the strength, you have the know how, actually doing it will be the hardest! Hugs and lots a love to you and your boy! ;)

jjb4060 · May 17, 2008, 10:57 PM

First of all, you need to be your own person. Nobody should ever have control over you or the way you live. You sound like a very good mother. The only thing I think you are doing wrong is letting this go on especially in front of your child. If it comes down to you filing custody and getting a restraining order on him, that's what you need to do. You say you don't want your things being broken and your family threatened, but you didn't think that somewhere along the road, sooner or later, your son will be DEEPLY affected by this. And don't worry about him telling your son that you were a bad mom... be the best mom you can be , always, and your son will know who was right and who was wrong. Get out of this situation for the sake of your child as well as yourself. I wish you the best of luck.

JoeCanada76 · May 17, 2008, 11:00 PM

It is mental, emotional abuse.

Now it is up to you to get away from it.