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LillieBaby · May 10, 2008, 04:56 PM

I am 27 yrs old and have lost interest in sex with my boyfriend. I want to have sex with everyone else I see. I become aroused by people who I don't know at all. It's really all I can think about. I've been in this situation before with other boyfriends and regretted breaking up with them over the problem. I loose all interest in them sexually and only want sex from the people I can not be with. I can't stand breaking up with someone else who I love so much over this. I don't know what can be done. I must have sex in my relationship and I'm afraid that I will cheat and completely ruin what I have and want more than anything. I feel like if I cheat- I can get these feelings out of my body and still maintain my relationship, but I know this is not true.

ChihuahuaMomma · May 10, 2008, 07:46 PM

DON'T CHEAT! This will help no one. Have you tried role playing? Your partner can pretend to someone/something else. It seems that this could help with the arousal.

simoneaugie · May 10, 2008, 07:59 PM

This issue could be addressed by a counselor. It sounds like it runs pretty deep. And it has been affecting your life even before this boyfriend.

Choux · May 10, 2008, 08:04 PM

Have you considered the scenario that you might have a fear of settling down with one man? Or, that you prefer the excitement of a new conquest to the security of a loyal man? There could be several reasons you want to wander. :)

Studies indicate that by two years into a relationship, the sexual excitement has pretty much abated between a couple. If that is all that a relationship is about, then the relationship is going to end naturally... no one's fault, just a natural end.

What are your goals as far as the future? Do you want a husband/life partner? Not everyone is capable of maintaiig a close relationship with a spouse/partner... that takes patience, social skills, dedication and motivation.

Probably, it would be helpful to you to clarify your goals. That should be the first step in sorting our your feelings about how you want to deal with how you make decisions in your life.

Best wishes!

Choux · May 10, 2008, 08:09 PM

I don't understand your comment.

ChihuahuaMomma · May 10, 2008, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by Choux

I don't understand your comment.

You gave a kickbutt answer.. that's the norm..

Choux · May 10, 2008, 08:19 PM

Thanks, CM

ChihuahuaMomma · May 10, 2008, 08:20 PM

Originally Posted by Choux

Thanks, CM

No problem!

RUSS6253 · May 12, 2008, 01:39 AM

Originally Posted by LillieBaby

I am 27 yrs old and have lost interest in sex with my boyfriend. I want to have sex with everyone else I see. I become aroused by people who I don't know at all. It's really all I can think about. I've been in this situation before with other boyfriends and regretted breaking up with them over the problem. I loose all interest in them sexually and only want sex from the people I can not be with. I can't stand breaking up with someone else who I love so much over this. I don't know what can be done. I must have sex in my relationship and I'm afraid that I will cheat and completely ruin what I have and want more than anything. I feel like if I cheat- I can get these feelings out of my body and still maintain my relationship, but I know this is not true.

Be very careful this is how whores are born!

ChihuahuaMomma · May 12, 2008, 02:19 AM

BTW, that was meant to be a reddie.

hollylovesbrandon · May 12, 2008, 08:39 PM

Try maybe talking to your partner about trying to bring another man or women into the bed. It works for some couples to have multiple sex partners like this, it's at least worth a shot.

hollylovesbrandon · May 12, 2008, 09:05 PM

No one ever said she had a monogamy problem. She doesn't cheat... she just wants too! Lol. The important thing is that she isn't cheating yet. She has noticed her problem and understands it. Maybe, if they brought someone else into the bed she would see her boyfriend in a different light and become attracted to him again. I just think that before she terminates the relationship, she should have every option on the table. Also, she might not be into the idea either. It's just a thought.

ChihuahuaMomma · May 12, 2008, 09:08 PM

Having a monogamy problem doesn't necessarily mean that she cheats. She thinks about cheating, and seriously considers it as an option to solve her problem. I think she needs counseling to understand why she is feeling this before she tries something that will inevitably end her relationship.

hollylovesbrandon · May 12, 2008, 09:11 PM

I agree she might need some counseling. But I am against spending a bunch of money for counseling when it might be a lot easier than that. I think she should sit down and go over her options in her head, decide what is best for her. Then, if she still can't figure out what is going on with her, she should go to counseling.

ChihuahuaMomma · May 12, 2008, 09:14 PM

I agree, but introducing someone else into their relationship defeats half of the meaning of a relationship. If that were to happen they lose the trust and faithfulness.

hollylovesbrandon · May 12, 2008, 09:16 PM

Lots of peole bring other people into their beds. One of my best friends has been married for 12 years and has two kids with his wife and they bring other people in all the time. I think it CAN cause them to lose their trust in some circumstances. But it doesn't HAVE to... if you understand what I mean. I guess I understand where you are coming from. But I honestly think it doesn't hurt to have an intelligent conversation about something like that (that might save the relationship). And also, if they talk and he knows what's going on, maybe they can fix it together without anyone.

ChihuahuaMomma · May 12, 2008, 09:24 PM

Originally Posted by hollylovesbrandon

Lots of peole bring other people into their beds. One of my best friends has been married for 12 years and has two kids with his wife and they bring other people in all the time. I think it CAN cause them to lose their trust in some circumstances. But it doesn't HAVE to...if you understand what i mean. I guess i understand where you are coming from. But i honestly think it doesn't hurt to have an intelligent conversation about something like that (that might save the relationship). And also, if they talk and he knows what's going on, maybe they can fix it together without anyone.

That's all fine and dandy, but that's not really something that should be suggested to someone that has commitment issues. I think that just makes the worse... That's just my opinion.

Greg Quinn · May 12, 2008, 09:36 PM

I understand that this must be very hard for you to come in here and ask for help on such a taboo subject. Sexual problems and disorders

Bicho · May 12, 2008, 09:56 PM

Originally Posted by LillieBaby

I am 27 yrs old and have lost interest in sex with my boyfriend. I want to have sex with everyone else I see. I become aroused by people who I don't know at all. It's really all I can think about. I've been in this situation before with other boyfriends and regretted breaking up with them over the problem. I loose all interest in them sexually and only want sex from the people I can not be with. I can't stand breaking up with someone else who I love so much over this. I don't know what can be done. I must have sex in my relationship and I'm afraid that I will cheat and completely ruin what I have and want more than anything. I feel like if I cheat- I can get these feelings out of my body and still maintain my relationship, but I know this is not true.

YOu need to see a psychiatrist real soon.

Greg Quinn · May 12, 2008, 10:07 PM

Originally Posted by Bicho

YOu need to see a psychiatrist real soon.

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Maybe she could find a support group, this is a very common problem.