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babygirl35768 · May 12, 2008, 05:00 AM

What is the legal age in the state of Alabama for a child to have a say which parent they live with, or if they visit a parent that has been absent in their lives for 5 years. Do they have to be forced to go if they are scared of this parent. They were abandoned by this parent years ago and now this parent expects to just walk back in like nothing ever happened. I do not mean to live on their own, I mean to say in court I do not want to go to their house this weekend. I was abused for 5 years by this man. And my kids saw this and are still scared of their dad, and do not want to be around him.

tickle · May 12, 2008, 05:21 AM

Legal age in your state is l8

ScottGem · May 12, 2008, 05:58 AM

A child cannot decide which parent they want to live with. A child being someone under the age of 18. Only a judge can make that decision. A judge will l listen to what the child wants, but will make the decision based on the best interests of the child.

On the other hand, you can't force a child to spend time with someone. If you can document the abuse, you can probably block visitation or at least force only supervised visitation.

babygirl35768 · May 12, 2008, 06:09 AM

This does help some. We had a prelimanary hearing April29. He told the judge he wanted to sign his rights away, she tried to force him to take them that weekend, but he told her he couldn't take them because he lives with his mom, but he could come to my house to see them. But the judge wouldn't allow that. The judge told me they didn't have an option to say if they wanted to see him or not. They are scared of this man, and that didn't matter to her. We have to go back to court in 3 weeks with an attorney. I didn't think Id need one since he wanted to sign his rights away but I learned the hard way,I think since it directly affects them they should have a say so... I do have documentation of abuse but it was from years ago right before we divorced.

ScottGem · May 12, 2008, 06:53 AM

Judges are very reluctant to terminate parental rights. They will generally do so in only two instances, either to clear the way for an adoption or if the parent represents a danger to the child.

What I would suggest you do is (before the next hearing) have your kids evaluated by a psychologist. Talk to your attorney about this. If the pyschologist testifies about the fear the kids have, the judge should, at the least, require supervised visits. You really do need an attorney to help you.

BTW, if you had told us the full story in the beginning, we could have helped more.

babygirl35768 · May 12, 2008, 06:57 AM

They are both already in therapy. My oldset son said to his therapist and I quote "I dont have anything to say about him I have no use for him" My youngest is scared of him, when asked why they are scared of him they clam up and change the subject. My husband would love nothing more than to adopt them. He would lay down his life for them.

ScottGem · May 12, 2008, 07:14 AM

This is confusing then. If your husband stands ready to adopt and the bio father is willing to relinquish his rights, I don't see what the judge is doing interfering. This is usually a cut and dried situation.

An attorney might help you understand the situation and know how to get the judge to go along. You should have gotten an attorney to prepare an adoption petition. Have you done that?

Fr_Chuck · May 12, 2008, 09:28 AM

I will agree with Scott, if bio father wants to give rights up, and new parent wants to adopt, this should be cut and dry and normally would not even require a court appearance, merely paperwork formed.

I will agree, I bet there is not an attorney is there?

babygirl35768 · May 12, 2008, 08:50 PM

I did not go to the first court date with an attorney but I have one now. The boi dad called me up out of the blue and said Ill sign my rights away if you will agree to drop child support, I said fine. My lawyer told me to ask him if he would sign for my husband to adopt them,( she said that would be faster and cheaper) because he can't sign his rights away and not have to pay support. He was fine signing his rights away until he found out my new husband wanted to adopt them. He told the judge in court he wanted to sign them away because he is tired of the "bickering and arguing", that it why she didn't do anything in court and said for both of us to get an attorney. The kids are scared of him and the judge tried to force the kids on him after he said he wanted to sign his rights away due to bickering, and he still came up with am excuse why he couldn't get them. When I told the judge they didn't want to go she said they have no choice. Why do they not have a choice they are 12 and 10. He never got them for that weekend by the way.

ScottGem · May 13, 2008, 07:51 AM

I can understand a judge refusing to all a parent to relinquish their rights because of that. A judge would want to try and stop the bickering. What I don't understand is why he objects to relinquishing hios rights to your husband. Not only does that get him off the hook, but it relieves him of the responsibility for support. Unless there is some antipathy between him and your husband.

What you need to do is try to get him to see what's best for the children.

babygirl35768 · May 13, 2008, 08:15 AM

He is just being a jerk I believe. My husband and my ex have had words about the way my ex treats the kids, so that is why I am figuring he is doing this. He could have adopetd them anyway if my ex had been allowed to sign his rights awawy. I should have just left it alone... lesson learned

ScottGem · May 13, 2008, 08:40 AM

You are missing the point. The bio father is not going to be allowed to relinquish his rights unless its to clear the way for an adoption or because he's a danger to the children. And your husband can't adopt until his rights are terminated.

babygirl35768 · May 13, 2008, 10:50 AM

I understand that. I talked to my attny today, we are going to remind the judge he had no desire to visit with the children when she offered it to him and that he has been absent for the past years with little to no contact along with lack of support paid to them if he doesn't decide to sign them over before court.