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losingit77 · May 9, 2008, 10:22 AM

BTW, Day 20 of NC! Not contacting him. Today's his b-day, but I'm not calling him. I don't care if he's hurt by it. He hurt me by walking out of our life together. So, whatever. He wants me out of his life, then I'm out of his life... and he's out of mine. No happy b-day from me!

classicrocker · May 9, 2008, 11:44 AM

Good going losingit- stay strong!

nickshehe · May 9, 2008, 11:57 AM

My ex is 2 weeks away from her birthday.. I'll be visiting a friend for the week though so hopefully ill be too wasted to remember :)

losingit77 · May 10, 2008, 07:25 AM

Day 21! This kind of sucks. But the 30 day marker is in sight! After 30 days I'm going to try to stop counting.

losingit77 · May 10, 2008, 08:09 AM

CRISIS ALERT: Unbelievable!! 21 days of NC and guess who's call my cell right now!! MY EX!! As you can see by my post right above, I was feeling a little down today. But I'm better now and stronger and I'm not playing into his game. If he has something to say he can say it to my voicemail.. ofcourse, he didn't leave a voicemail.

Agh, why torture me? You wanted me out of your life! I'm out of your life! I didn't answer. Score 1 for me. But it hurts. I thought I'd be happier if he called, but it just makes it harder and brings all the emotions up again.

bigbird213 · May 10, 2008, 09:01 AM

Hang in there losingit...

Go back and re-read the last couple pages of this thread and you'll see how strong you were. Knowing you did that a mere few days ago should empower you to keep at it. You know you can stay strong and get over this...

I know what you mean about torture. As much as I feel like I'd like to know she's thinking about me if she were to call me I'd panic. I wouldn't know what to do. It would throw me right back into: She's going to think I'm an if I don't answer or I'll end up depressed if I do.

Just take comfort knowing you meant enough to him for him to not just forget about you and that you know your strong enough to move on. If he didn't leave a voicemail, it wasn't that important.

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 09:08 AM

I thought I'd be happier if he called, but it just makes it harder and brings all the emotions up again.

After a while you will just be annoyed, just hang in there, your still doing great, because you didn't answer, or respond back. That's real progress, and you handled it the right way. Now cope with those feelings that were dredged up. Pedicure anyone??

losingit77 · May 10, 2008, 09:08 AM

Well, now I'm sitting her sobbing hysterically. Haven't done that in a month. Now he's sent a text message. It reads:

"Yesterday was my 26th b-day. The same age you were when I met you. I miss you a lot. I hope ur well. I hope you don't hate me, but you probably do. Love."

I didn't respond. Than 10 minutes later I get another text message:
"Say hi to Ichi and Henry (our cats) for me. They were kinda mine too u know."

Now, I'm a crying mess. But I'm not responding. I'll get through this. I love him and I want him back in my arms. But nothing in that communication was enough to ever make that happen. Sadness!

losingit77 · May 10, 2008, 09:19 AM

At least by my reaction (crying) I know that no matter how strong I am, I know I'm not that strong enough yet to talk to him or deal with him like a "friend". Sad, but it's a good reality check. I guess I'm not over it yet, but I'm making progress. The old me would have jumped at the chance to have contact with him.. any kind of contact, positive or negative. Contact with him right now would only be negative so I know I'm doing the right thing.

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 09:22 AM

When your done crying, pat yourself on the back, and get that pedicure. You passed that test.

losingit77 · May 10, 2008, 09:25 AM

Haha.. thanks, Tal! I can't believe I've actually passed this. NEVER have I ever ignored a call from him.. in 4 YEARS! Wow, kind of feel powerful for a change.

Yeah, I actually have a busy weekend. Surprise party for my friend tonight. Can't wait! It'll keep my mind of this "passing storm".

chuff · May 10, 2008, 10:09 AM

WOW Losing it, I don't know if you feel it but it comes out from reading the last few pages how tough you are. I don't think you see it but it's there. Give yourself some credit and notice what I see. Also say hello to Ichi and Henry from the Chuffster, I'm a big fan of the name Ichi.

chuff · May 10, 2008, 10:36 AM

"losingit77 agrees: Thanks, chuff! How can some with such a scary picture be so sweet?"

I have split personalities.

losingit77 · May 11, 2008, 08:41 AM

Ex called again last night. I didn't answer. Eventually, guess he'll realize anything he has to say to me can be said to my voicemail. Day 22 of NC!

bigbird213 · May 11, 2008, 08:50 AM

Throw the damn thing in the drawer and go out for the day :)

nickshehe · May 11, 2008, 09:16 AM

Blah I hope I don't get a call from the ex on her birthday :P
Well done losingit, we're all proud of you..
Don't fold - you'd be ruining all the progress you've done this past month.. be strong

losingit77 · May 11, 2008, 05:02 PM

Agh! I'm a jerk! Now after the 2 phone calls and 2 texts yesterday from my ex (which I ignored), he sent me a pic of himself on my cell today. Like a stupid weakling, I fell for the bait and sent him back a picture of myself. (Granted I looked awesome in that picture, but I shouldn't have sent it to him and rather should have just let him continue to think I had fallen off the face of the earth).

Agh, does that count as breaking NC? After 22 days do I really need to go back to Day 1? Its all right, its about time I just stop counting the days anyway.

Feel like crap. I'm stronger than that.. I shouldn't have fallen for the bait. Now, I just got to forget about it, pretend it didn't happen, and go back to "business as usual".

ISneezeFunny · May 11, 2008, 06:01 PM

Losingit: I'm wondering what possessed you to send that picture... and I'm also wondering why your ex sent you a picture of himself.

I wouldn't beat myself up for it, but learn from it. NC is an art. Perfect it as you go.

You don't have to go back to day 1. I'd cheat and say... go back to day 18 ;)

It sounds cliché, but everybody falls, it's how you get back up that matters. I've "fallen" MANNNYYYY times through my NC to the point that tal probably wanted to beat me with a bat. Eh. Best wishes.

Romefalls19 · May 11, 2008, 06:06 PM

I think you do go back to day 1. No offense but you broke NC, and there was no reason for it. We were just saying how strong you were and then you showed a moment of weakness. Everyone breaks NC at first, now you can see that it got you no where. Now get angry and firm with this NC

losingit77 · May 11, 2008, 06:37 PM

Ouch, guys! I should've just lied and not told you about it. ; ) Baby steps. At least I didn't send him a picture of myself crying into a box of Kleenex and bon bons! (I've never actually done that so don't worry about me.) And at least it was just a 'moment" of weakness. Not hours/days of begging or pleading. I'm not defending my actions, I know it was wrong. I apologize to all my followers out there. I've let you down. But I'm back up again and fighting!

All right, I'm back on the NC train full force. But I'm not counting the days anymore. The counting and checking days off the calendar is starting to get depressing.