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Wallflower22 · May 10, 2008, 03:37 PM

I've been dating a guy for several months now and he is a really nice guy. He treats me with respect and we have a really peaceful relationship. When I met him he was a 24 year old virgin. Well that changed when I came along:) I asked him about his experience with women and he said that he didn't have much at all. He told me that I am his first kiss, his first everything. I was surprised but it didn't bother me at all. He says that he was a geek in school, so that's why he didn't get girls. He's had big crushes but those girls never wanted anything but a friendship with him. But now that we are having sex it's been starting to bother me how blah he is about sex. I for the most part have to initiate sex and I sometimes get rejected. I would think he would be backed up from all these years of no sexual contact with women and desire sex more often, but that doesn't seem to be the case. We have sex once a week or two or three. When he rejects me he'll say he's tired. He even hurt my feelings once because I like to look at him during sex and he said not to because I look funny. He never looks at me during sex. I thought about breaking up with him because I feel so unfullfilled but friends say I should speak to him about it. I want him to want to have sex with me. I'm not an ugly girl and I'm in shape, I don't think my appearance is the issue. Is it normal for such a young guy to be uninterested in sex?

grbennett · May 10, 2008, 03:49 PM

If it's new to him then he might just be self conscious or uncomfortable. The whole not looking at you thing seems a little bit weird though.

terri_315 · May 10, 2008, 04:05 PM

I have learned the hard way that sexual compatibility is a really BIG deal in a relationship. If you aren't comfortable you could try talking to him, but remember he is who he is... probably isn't going to change!
It doesn't sound like it's about you... sounds like he has some sexual issues.

Fr_Chuck · May 10, 2008, 04:11 PM

And it may not be a priority to him, he may see a relationship as more important. Remember not everyone see sex as important in a relationship as everyone else.

Also he may be having some moral issues within hisself, with the sex before marriage issue

Choux · May 10, 2008, 08:28 PM

It's very thrilling to seduce an innocent. :)

Well, now what do you do? LOL! Memories. :)

How do you feel about a relationship with him going forward? Or, are the two of you pretty much a mismatch?

You will have to talk to him... perhaps sex isn't the most important thing for him in a relationship?? Perhaps, you want more excitement before you settle down?

Synnen · May 11, 2008, 01:08 AM

/sigh

Communication is THE most important aspect of any relationship.

TALK to him.

If you can't talk to him, then leave and let him get someone who is more honest about a relationship. Seriously--what's the point if you can't talk to him about something this important to you? If you can't talk to him about THIS, what ELSE can't you talk to him about? Isn't the person you're in a relationship with supposed to be the person you turn to for help with problems, for honest communication? Isn't that person the person you're supposed to be able to say ANYTHING to?

If he's not that guy for you, then either work on YOURSELF to fix that (meaning: Learn to talk to your boyfriends) or you need to leave and let him find someone who WILL communicate honestly with him, without being overly hurtful and/or rude about it.

DMA · May 11, 2008, 03:19 AM

I've seen this before. It is very possible he was teased cruelly at school by girls and has shied away from them since. I think he may have it ingrained in his mind to try and not become intimate with any girl because he has been badly hurt before. Just a guess though, you need to talk about it like everyone else is recommending.

Ash123 · May 11, 2008, 03:39 PM

Keep in mind, he has a different approach to the world than you... sex was not part of his life until now... he has learned to live without it for years. He may need to have more experiences now, or he simply is more interested in a relationship than the sex -

My advice: ASK HIM.

I bet he'll tell you.

Xrayman · May 11, 2008, 03:52 PM

Shyness. I'd say be very careful don't get too pushy, take things a little slower-he's just shy and worried you may be a little too forceful-most of us don't like forceful ALL THE TIME.

talaniman · May 11, 2008, 04:09 PM

More talking and listening. As you said his experiences are limited, and he is learning. Experienced or not, he sure can't read your mind, so talk to him. Since you know you are his first, be nice for gosh sakes.