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sylvan_1998 · May 8, 2008, 06:19 AM

Okay... religion seems to be your main issue here and you need some clarity. Stop with the specifics of the Bible and start with an overview of what religions are.

Some religions take the bible literally - "the world was created in 7 24 hour days" or contextually "God created the world in 7 units....referred to as days.....but days could mean 24 hours or 24 centuries"

Decide what is right for you. I am Catholic, and in my religion there is room to believe in both. I do not agree with everything Catholocism pontificates, for this I know I am wrong, but for me to be Catholic, I have to take the good with the bad. I am sure you can find a religion that fits your ideaology and will work for you and your husband.

asking · May 8, 2008, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by sylvan_1998

I am sure you can find a religion that fits your ideaology and will work for you and your husband.

I am not so sure. I think the husband is making an issue of the Bible because CHW's given in on everything else. She already willingly cooks, cleans, irons his uniform and jumps to wait on him. But he needs an issue, so he's decided that now she has to think like he does too. Not only must she read the Bible, but she must read exactly the version he says and from the beginning, no matter how dull. (I too tried to read the Bible starting with Genesis and I never did finish it. :) ) His issue isn't about sharing something important to him, his religion (or he would have brought this up before they were married); it's about making "his" wife obey and do things she doesn't want to. If she appears to do things willingly, in a spirit of love--like cooking for him or reading a more accessible version of the Bible--that's not enough for him. He wants to be sure he's in control.

Of course, he will never be completely certain that she isn't entertaining independent thoughts, so throughout their marriage, he will periodically test her obedience by making unreasonable demands like this one. That's the only way he can be sure he's in control. As time goes by, he'll make more demands.

CHW, I agree with others that the mother has no business telling you anything at all, let alone how to take care of your house or how to be married. Her job, if any, is to be supportive of both her son and you, to help make your lives easier, not harder. Very few people have houses that are spic and span all the time. And, housewife, you are not crazy. Please don't call yourself that. Right now, you are obviously sane. Try to stay that way, even in this crazy environment. Read whatever you feel like reading, the Bible or not. I think it's very loving of you to read the Bible for his sake and if you want to do that, you should. But do it because you want to be a friend to him and make sure he knows that. If he gets angry because you are doing it for your own reasons instead of out of blind obedience, you'll know he's not in good faith and is just interested in controlling you. Keep us posted.

Good luck,
Asking

crazyhousewife · May 9, 2008, 03:56 AM

Well thank you all for your help. Nothing really has been going on at the house, I have been having a little bit to drink here and there before I go to be, and I have been derpressed so the house is a little bad. I just don't feel like doing . I wish that I could just snap out of it and things can be like it was the first few months of our marriage. Man when we were dating he was the best man there was. Opened doors for me, took me out to dinner, and the sex... omg.. sorry. Then when we got ingaged it was the same, he was wounderful, and the first 4 months of our marriage was just as wounderful. But till that woman came down.
I just have been crying the past few days. Like that un controlable crying.
I have been reading the vs's that you all have been telling me to read and they have been helping. I try to make cleaning a game, I play music (I have done that is the past to.) that seems to help. I do a little be at a time so I'm not over whelmed. But I love this man ans I don't want to leave him, but it just feels like the only thing to do sometimes.
HOW DO I MAKE THIS WORK. I LOVE HIM SOO MUCH ITS HURTS!!!!

Homegirl 50 · May 9, 2008, 06:44 AM

Get yourself some counseling. It will help you work things out in your mind. If you stay with him, you will need it. You don't want to lose yourself.

asking · May 9, 2008, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Get yourself some counseling. It will help you work things out in your mind. If you stay with him, you will need it. You don't want to lose yourself.

I agree with Homegirl 50. Get counseling for yourself.

Also, stop drinking. Alcohol may make you feel better for a little while, but it will make things much worse in the long run. I understand you are feeling depressed, and I can sympathize. I think you have good reasons for feeling deeply disappointed and sad. It sounds like things were so wonderful at first. But you are turning yourself into a pretzel trying to please him and he doesn't seem to want to be pleased.

Spend some time taking care of yourself now. Take some walks or get some other exercise, read the Bible if it helps, and find a counselor you trust to help you deal with your depression and with your relationship problems. It's worth the money!

Also, can you get a job and go back to working? That would probably help you feel better about yourself too. I'm so sorry things are so hard right now. You deserve hugs for trying so hard.

Good luck,
Asking

crazyhousewife · May 9, 2008, 10:49 AM

Trust me if I could find a job here I would take it in a hart beat. But we have only one car had he has it. He said that he will find a secnd job, and see if that will make things better. I don't know if it will because that will be less time with me and the dog. I have tried a number of places to find a job. But we only have the one car so I am stuck doing app online. I can't only go so far as well because he does not want me working to far away. So I have put out like 15 apps to 15 different places. I don't know what else to do.
He said that when he gets home today that he is not going to play the PS3, that we are going to clean the house TOGETHER, and talk about why we can't talk. Well ican tell you why we can't talk... its because of the damn PS3. If he would spend like an hour with me I would leave him alone. The only time I get with him is wating him play, and giving him a back rubb.
What kind of marriage is this...
40% of me just wants to give up and go home. But I love him and I want to work it out. I love him sooooooooo much. But like he said we are going to talk tonight and I will see where its goes.

asking · May 9, 2008, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by crazyhousewife

trust me if i could find a job here i would take it in a hart beat. but we have only one car had he has it. he said that he will find a secnd job, and see if that will make things better. i dont know if it will because that will be less time with me and the dog. i have tryed a number of places to find a job. but we only have the one car so i am stuck doing app online. i can't only go so far as well because he does not want me working to far away. so i have put out like 15 apps to 15 different places. i dont know what else to do.
he said that when he gets home today that he is not going to play the PS3, that we are going to clean the house TOGETHER, and talk about why we can't talk. well ican tell you why we can't talk..... its because of the damn PS3. if he would spend like an hour with me i would leave him alone. the only time i get with him is wating him play, and giving him a back rubb.
what kinda marriage is this....
40% of me just wants to give up and go home. but i love him and i want to work it out. i love him sooooooooo much. but like he said we are going to talk tonight and i will see where its goes.

I see. Being isolated like you are is making things worse, so you need access to some form of transportation, not just for work, but to get anywhere at all. In this situation, you are dependent on him for everything. The PS3 occupying his attention just makes things worse. I am glad he is willing to talk and I hope he can understand that your being so isolated from work and other people isn't good for you or him. I'm also glad you have the option of going home. Even if you don't go, just knowing you have choices is very important. You do have choices. Don't hesitate to act on your own behalf. :)
Take care,
Asking

mustard_seed · May 10, 2008, 10:29 AM

Please be willing to stick it out for your own sake. Sometimes when things get tough, we focus in on finding faults of others as a way to escape dealing with the MAIN ISSUES--our own junk.
Men play those silly little video games for the same reasons--escaping reality + winning or top scores which are also a requirement for their male egos. Let him play the game. You get going on the things you need.

YOU MUST FIND WORK!

It is more than a requirement it is necessary for survival. If you think it's bad now, wait until he tires of the game and starts paying attention to how long you've been out of work. It won't be pretty. If you were paying for everything, after a while it would hit you as well. Where do you live where there is no public transportation. Catch the bus or train, jump on the back of a horse! Saddle the neighbors Calico cat!! Whatever it takes to give your man a hand. Feeding two on one income ain't cute! Sorry to be so straight but I'm thinking a dose of reality is what you might need to get you started.

WAKE UP Miss Lady.