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Romefalls19 · May 8, 2008, 04:54 AM

I'm have been reading up on a lot of you guys lately and seeing how things are going. I must say, I am impressed with a lot of you! Keep your heads up as it does take time to heal, you gave something to the other person and they broke it. Just like if you break a bone, it needs time to heal but only if you stop reopening the wound.

GG23 - I know you're angry at your ex, which is all well and good but to think about nothing more than revenge is not the way to be. When thinking about revenge remember to dig a grave deep enough for two. Something changed between the two of you, fate had other plans other than what you sought out. I know it's painful that you gave your whole heart and trust and they broke it. But time heals all wound, and be thankful for the time you guys have spent together.

AshleyStar - It's only Day 2, so as bad as it sounds, it only gets harder for the next 2 weeks. But take comfort in knowing you have people here who have been through what you are going through and will help you every step of the way. Shoot for a week with NC, then once you reach the week, shoot for a month and just keep going! Take a mental note of how you feel right now, and keep in mind every time you break NC, you will feel exactly like this over and over again. It's not worth it

Romefalls19 · May 8, 2008, 05:10 AM

Dazt, I'm sorry to hear about that. Blame must fall on both of them though, being drunk is no excuse. I have been drunk plenty of times and remember everything I did and have had some of my friends ex's hit on me and I still knew it was a no fly zone. With that being said, I sure hope you have found out who your true friends are.

gg23 · May 8, 2008, 08:21 AM

Funny huh? Gg is what I called her!! Oh well anyway... maybe I was a bit too angry the oether day! I'm definitely thankful for the time we had together. No regret about it. It was great overall! But I guess it was just time to part away! Somehow deep down a voice tells me you know it was the right thing to do!. when she told me that she did not have the time and effort, I didn't beg, or asked her to stay with me! As much I as I love her, I told her that I will never do that ever! I told her that she chose to be with me, and if she no longers wants to, I'm cool with her decision... but I told her that she knows what that would mean! End of story!! Begging a girl to stay with me just won't cut it for me, not as long as I can get other without much trouble... but there we really had something going here I thought, but life has it own way of playing things out... of course I need time to heal because I love her and she broke my heart that life, it happens to the best of us funny huh? Hahaha!! Ho well the revenge part was just me getting my frustration out! She was good to me in general I'll give her that but maybe just like I said it was time to part away... plus we were going to move further away! When I decided to go NC, I kept track the first few days, but decided to stop. Because I know I will get over her and I will leave on. I understand that this is normal to long for hernow because I miss her, and to be sad, but... it happened before before you know it, it will be gone for good... n what also made me feel this bad, is because she has been thus far my longest relationship!! again like I said... longterm was never my style till I met her!! haha funny... oh well anyway I'm cool, looking forward to a great summer and loads of fun!! her loss...

AshleyStar · May 8, 2008, 08:51 AM

Right it's been a week since "the fight"... 2 days of n/c... I really want to text him. I know I have spent a day harassing him already and he isn't interested but I feel that if he loved me "so much baby" the day before the fight then how can he just feel nothing now? I need advice badly!!

Romefalls19 · May 8, 2008, 08:58 AM

Only he knows the answer to that question Ash. Trust me, dwelling on questions you can't answer is sending you down a road you don't want to travel down. My ex and I were looking at engagement rings the night before she ended it and was all snuggly and lovable(along with half of the crew on here went through) and I spent 2 weeks wondering how everything went to shambles. It didn't do me any good but feel free to post whatever you need to keep you from texting him as we are great motivators around here

zooropa1985 · May 8, 2008, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by AshleyStar

Right it's been a week since "the fight".... 2 days of n/c....I really want to text him. I know I have spent a day harrassing him already and he isn't interested but I feel that if he loved me "so much baby" the day before the fight then how can he just feel nothing now? i need advice badly!!!

I'm going through the same thing at the mo, I text and text my ex and its got me no where so I'm now doing no contact, she says she loves me and wants me but doesn't know if it will work.

I say let them contact us, I sent her a text saying I've tried and the rest is up to her, that was the last text

bigbird213 · May 8, 2008, 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Only he knows the answer to that question Ash. Trust me, dwelling on questions you can't answer is sending you down a road you don't want to travel down. My ex and I were looking at engagement rings the night before she ended it and was all snuggly and lovable(along with half of the crew on here went through) and I spent 2 weeks wondering how everything went to shambles. It didn't do me any good but feel free to post whatever you need to keep you from texting him as we are great motivators around here

I second that. The weekend before we broke up (last time I saw her because of school) we were having a great time. Spent every day with her that weekend, built a campfire in the back yard, made some smores, just hung out by the fire and she said it was the best time she had in a long time. "Couldn't wait to do it again next weekend". Next weekend rolls around - "I don't know if im happy anymore." To top it off, I heard the line "Sometimes I was faking being happy" (... bullsh*t, you can't fake that. Trying to justify it to herself I imagine).

In either case, worrying about the things they said, what they did and how they felt right before it happened doesn't matter. All that matters is what happened and what's going to happen now - YOU GETTING BETTER.

Next time you want to text or email, post up here... as Rome said - we're great motivators (and we'll kick your a*s if necessary)

Romefalls19 · May 8, 2008, 09:53 AM

Zoo, I didn't want to give you a red disagree flag because I may have misunderstood your post. It seems as though you are using NC as a way to get your girlfriend back, that's not what it's for. Use this time to heal, become a better person. Open your horizons a bit, take in all life has to offer. Go do something you didn't think you would do before. Don't use NC as hope that she will return or your recovery process will be longer and in a month when she doesn't call you, you will be back here crying about how she hasn't called you. Do this for YOURSELF, put yourself first. Forget the girl, forget the relationship because she already has.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but sometimes you need a kick in the a*s to get the point across

ihatewestseneca · May 8, 2008, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Zoo, I didn't want to give you a red disagree flag because I may have misunderstood your post. It seems as though you are using NC as a way to get your girlfriend back, that's not what it's for. Use this time to heal, become a better person. Open your horizons a bit, take in all life has to offer. Go do something you didn't think you would do before. Don't use NC as hope that she will return or your recovery process will be longer and in a month when she doesn't call you, you will be back here crying about how she hasn't called you. Do this for YOURSELF, put yourself first. Forget the girl, forget the relationship because she already has.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but sometimes you need a kick in the a*s to get the point across

Id give you another greenie, but I cant... on a roll today Rome.

DazT · May 8, 2008, 02:09 PM

In no way am I condoning their actions Rome, I'm saying they probably did do something because they're disloyal as they come AND the drink probably made them even more disloyal.

Anyway - after a couple of hours of hurt, I slapped myself and told myself to wise up! My life is great at the moment, I'm starting to feel kind of happy again. Then I have bad days but the good days always come back and somehow always manages to last longer than the bad ones!

losingit77 · May 8, 2008, 02:59 PM

For those struggling in the early days, take it from us who have been there and still there. IT GETS EASIER! MAINTAIN NC! Every time YOU BREAK IT YOU START THE CYCLE ALL OVER!

My first stretch of NC lasted 13 days. Then I broke it and opened up the flood gates again. And had to start all over feeling crappy again. Now I'm on Day 19 of my new NC cycle and the past 3 days have felt AWESOME! The first 2 weeks are going to be rough but after a while you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. They'll be good days and bad but the longer you go the good days will start to outnumber the bad days and you'll start to feel like your old self again.

The first 2 weeks I couldn't concentrate on anything. I couldn't get any work done, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. All I wanted to do was lie in bed all day and stare. I was pretty much just a zombie struggling to get through every moment of every day without completely losing it. But then, one day you wake up and think, what am I doing? I just wasted the past 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 4 months, whatever, wallowing in sadness. I'm tired of being sad. Ok, my ex no longer wants to be with me. BOOHOO! Big f'in deal! Their loss! My life will go on.. as a long as I pick myself off, dust myself off, and get back to LIVING!

Don't beat yourself up cause of what you're feeling/experiencing right now. You'll get through this. We're all in this together!

What a great week I'm having. Only 7 weeks out of a 4 year relationship and I think I'm ahead of schedule. Hopefully this high will continue for a while...

nickshehe · May 8, 2008, 04:22 PM

I don't think I'm making any progress...
Day 35 I think. Haven't seen her in two months.. I deleted her from Facebook about a week ago but I still find myself trying to find some sort of information.. I don't obsess over her. She just steals my thoughts about 4-5 times a day where I just turn off momentarily and sigh at how stupid this is.
No intention of breaking NC I just feel a bit down lately. I've got a lot to look forward too in the summer, lot's of girls seem to be interested in me but I just feel bummed out lately. Maybe its my exams coming up I dno?

Blah

AshleyStar · May 9, 2008, 04:13 AM

Day 3 of NC and going on a date tonight. My heart is still aching but I need to go through this stage of dating to move on.

My ex said on Tues that he'd let me know by Friday if he has managed to get the money he owes me. So today is the day. Still holding out for a "I've made a terrible mistake" text

nickshehe · May 9, 2008, 04:26 AM

Ashley, what you should do is set a personal time line. Mine was 2 weeks after we broke up. I decided - if she comes back before those 2 weeks I will accept her. If she is ONE day late -I promised myself that I wouldn't take her back. Whatever the case she didn't come back -lol :P
She made contact but I guess I wasn't all that important after all..

P.S : just read how self loathing that was : >
I'm OKAY! *thumbs up*

AshleyStar · May 9, 2008, 04:30 AM

It's interesting to see that guys can go through the same pain. Any men I have known always seem to move on easily.

I did the worst possible thing and opened my emails from him. One was from ten days ago saying "i love you so much" ick ick ick. The pain!! They're deleted now

bigbird213 · May 9, 2008, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by AshleyStar

It's interesting to see that guys can go through the same pain. Any men I have known always seem to move on easily.

I did the worst possible thing and opened my emails from him. One was from ten days ago saying "i love you so much" ick ick ick. the pain!!!!!! they're deleted now

If you met me (and probably some of the other guys here) we wouldn't be so forthcoming in real life :) Its easier when no one knows who you are

ihatewestseneca · May 9, 2008, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by AshleyStar

It's interesting to see that guys can go through the same pain. Any men I have known always seem to move on easily.

You only think they move on so easily because you only see what they show you... chances are, they've all missed you, and were also hurt.

chuff · May 9, 2008, 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by AshleyStar

It's interesting to see that guys can go through the same pain. Any men I have known always seem to move on easily.

I did the worst possible thing and opened my emails from him. One was from ten days ago saying "i love you so much" ick ick ick. the pain!!!!!! they're deleted now

It's funny because I always seemed to think women moved on easier.

bigbird213 · May 9, 2008, 10:16 AM

I lost count of how many days -- somewhere around 3 weeks. I don't feel like counting it out.

Still miss her at times, still wish she would call me at times, but I spend much more time excited about going out and meeting new people. I'm waiting until I find someone attractive again and get to start talking to them. I'm excited for the next week or two as the rest of my friends will be home from college and the summer festivities can begin :)

Many of my friends are happy with the close circle we have, but that limits my opportunities to meet new people. I'm making it my personal mission to expand our circle of friends or at least find new places to go and hang out.

On a note about NC: I've noticed that apart from making me feel better about the breakup, NC has helped me with other aspects of my life. I think it proved to me how much will power I actually have. Any other efforts I have that require self control I find myself talking myself through and being much more conscious of my actions. For example: Keeping on my working out, watching what I eat, and trying to come out of my shell and talk to people more. All of these things are easier now that I have learned how much my mind has control over itself.

NC is the way to go :)

losingit77 · May 9, 2008, 10:20 AM

I don't know if women or men handle breakups better. I think we just tend to deal with it differently. From my experience, women tend to deal with emotions early on in the grieving stage and get over it quickly by letting it all out in the beginning and talking with friends/family about it. Its more socially accepted for women to be crying messes to their friends.

I think guys tend to try to act tough in the beginning like it doesn't faze them and bottle up the emotions because they don't feel like they can talk about it to friends/family. Then, after weeks/months, it sets in and that's when the emotions come bursting out. So, while it may seem like women get over it easier, I don't think that's necessarily the case. They may just deal with it sooner and get over it so by the time the guy gets a hold of their emotions and the loss the girl has seemingly already moved on. I mean from my own personal experience, I can't tell you how many of my guy friends suddenly start weeping and missing their ex's months after the split when all along they were acting to the outside world like they didn't care.

Not in all cases, just a hypothesis. : )