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sisandmom · May 7, 2008, 01:33 PM

In October of 2007 I helped my best friend propose to his girlfriend. She said yes and it was beautiful. In the past few months my best friend and his fiancé have been having some issues. My best friend tells me that in the past few weeks he has not been attracted to his fiancé but to other women. He also has been keeping in contact with his girlfriends from the past (something his fiancé HATES). He is very stressed out at work and also stressing over money to pay for a wedding. He asks me for advice but I just don't know what to say to him. He says he loves her. Any advice I can pass on would be great.

Emland · May 7, 2008, 01:37 PM

My advice: stay out of it. Repeating hearsay you heard from your boyfriend's friend will cause nothing but problems. It is their relationship. Let them tend it.

sisandmom · May 7, 2008, 01:41 PM

My fault for using short hand. I heard this directly from my best friend.

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · May 7, 2008, 01:49 PM

What do you think would be the best thing to do?

Since he asked you for advice, give him your honest opinion.

IMO, I wouldn't marry someone I wasn't attracted to emotionally and physically. If your best friend is like this now, I can already see the divorce papers being whipped out a couple of years down the road. Or maybe not even that. A couple of months.

Your best friend needs to grow up and realize that he can't have every woman he lays eyes on. With that attitude how does he expect to settle down with someone?

plonak · May 7, 2008, 02:08 PM

This is a tough situation.. I don't think you shoud say a word to his fiancé, that will cause chaos and your friend will resent you. It is true that it's between the two of them but this guy should not be marrying this poor woman. He apparently is freaking out about getting married and he's not even attracted to her? That's bad.. like the other ones said, I smell divorce papers.. I suggest you talk to your friend and ask him to be honest with himself if he truly wants to marry her.. think about the real victim here, and it's this poor girl.. He needs to also talk to her and be honest.. this guy is seriously a douche

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · May 7, 2008, 02:10 PM

Cheers to that plonak!

Fr_Chuck · May 7, 2008, 03:13 PM

Well it is obvoius he is not dedicated to the relastionship by staying in contact with old girlfriends, and not respecting her wishes about it.

And a relationship is beyond attraction so if that is all he is basing his relastionship on, he was off to start with

talaniman · May 7, 2008, 09:19 PM

The advice I would give is to wait a lot longer, as someone isn't ready for a committed relationship, let alone marriage.

sisandmom · May 9, 2008, 04:01 PM

I had lunch with my best friend yesterday. I straight up asked him if he was ready for a 100% committed relationship. He told me "No". It then asked him if he would be ready for one in 1 year and 1 month, they are getting married in June of 2009. He said he felt his head may always wander but his heart will always be with his fiancé.

I have a feeling no matter how messed up things get in his marriage his future wife will always stick by him. He was her first love. She was waiting until she got married to have sex and he waited for 4 years. They stuck together through her being away at college and we all believed that he would ask her to marry him when she graduated. That didn't happen, he broke things off. They had a break of about 6 months where he "got with" many other ladies. She tried everything she could to get him back, finally she broke her vow of chasity and slept with my best friend and they have been together ever since. My husband and I felt that she was doing anything and everything she could to get him back.

This guy is my best friend and the very last thing I want to see is him giong through a divorce in a few years. If he is not ready for a 100% committed relationship now I'm pretty sure he won't be in June of 2009.

JBeaucaire · May 9, 2008, 06:09 PM

As long as it's just his head that strays, he's not cheating. Help him with that.

Noticing other women, being attracted, temptation, none of that constitutes a problem... unless his character is so immature he can't control himself and he acts on those impulses.

Remind him to take all that exterior attraction and flirtation and energy that comes up through the day and bring it all home to HER at the end of every day.

Marriage isn't about love, it's about commitment, self-sacrifice, cherishing and honoring another person. I hope he never stops getting those pangs towards other women, that means his libido is alive and kicking. Just make sure he maturely develops that awesome skill of bestowing the results of those pangs on the same woman.