[MysteriousGrl]

Okay well a little history...
I met this guy(we'll just call him Brandon) and we were PERFECT I mean every detail about us complimented each other we got along great but the problem was we were young and immature and neither of us wanted serious relationships... Then I meet another great guy (we'll just call him Dave) he's amazing... we date for 5 years and now were engaged.. Through these 5 years I have remained best friends with Brandon and actually Dave and Brandon were very good friends also. Until I drank a little too much and had a one night fling with Brandon and felt so guilty I had to tell Dave. Dave ended up forgiving me after seeing how truly crushed I was that I did it... it was not like me at all... then I did not talk to Brandon for almost a year... One year after the friendship ended I found out Dave had been saying inappropriate things to another girl so I broke up with him. That night Brandon was having a few friends over.. much of them the same friends I hung out with.. so I went out there having not spoke to him in almost one year.. We talked and it was like nothing ever happened we hung out all night inseperatable... then I spent the night, actually I spent almost every night with him for a month, but Brandon has some issues so it was like I wouldn't talk to him for days then we didn't spend a moment about for weeks. After 6 months of this I began to talk to Dave again we started hanging out more. Every time I would hang out with Dave, Brandon would call and the other way around. Finally Brandon got fed up and just quit talking to me. I didn't talk to him for 5 months and during the 5 months Dave purposed to me. I love Dave and he's perfect for me and I know he will always be there and he would give me a great like but it's like he's my best friend and I don't want to hurt him but I just don't feel the chemistry. Brandon on the other hand I have sooo much chemistry with and we get along great it was like we were designed for each other. And the more I talk about marriage the less I think I want to marry Dave. I miss Brandon and think he could be the one for me but I want him to change and how would I ever get him to take me back. He's got to be mad at me I haven't talked to him in 5 months? Anyone with insight please help me I'm stuck!?

[brkfstatiffs]

Girl, take a step back! You are the one who is going to end up getting hurt in the long wrong by one of these guys, if not both. You are asking for it! If I were you, I would take space away from both of them, and focus on yourself for a good 6 months or so. Hang with your girlfriends, travel , etc... the time apart will be healthy for you, and it will give you time to clearly think and realize what you want and from who! There are a lot of men in this world, don't forget that! This sounds like it will get messy if you hang onto these guys.

[brkfstatiffs]

p.s. you have to remember, that no matter how much you want someone to "change" (I've been there a well) if they don't want to change for the better of themselves, they most likely will not. Especially if it's been 5 years.

[squeaks77]

You need to make a choice instead of stringing these guys around. It sounds like your trying to play them against each other for attention.

[MysteriousGrl]

It's not that I'm stringing them along I have tried to end it sooo many times with both of them but they keep coming back and I'm am beginning to feel like its more about which one of them gets me in the end rather than them really being in love

[JBeaucaire]

Actually, no offense intended, MG, but I fear these boys will be hurt if either one of them ends up with YOU. You are a mess.

Relax a second and stop everything. You need to get it OUT of your head the idea that you are in the midst of some epic dilemma between picking the "right guy" or not. That is what FEELS like is going on, but it's not.

What is going on here is you are at a spot where you are trying to figure out if YOU have the ability to stay with one guy. Period. That's it. It's not about feelings. You know you have feelings, feelings for both of them. Feelings for the relationship. Feelings for the dog. Feelings for the mailman.

Feelings are EASY. They are fine to have, but if you think the answer to your problem is in your feelings, you're in for a rough time.

No, the answer is in the level of maturity you have attained. Are you mature enough yet to help ignore the natural feelings that come up in life for people that aren't the one you've sworn a life vow to? Can you make a vow and stick to it, even in spite of rumblings of doubt and uncertainty that well up from within yourself from time to time? Are that mature yet?

To make a life commitment to any man, you NEED to be at least that mature. The idea of finding "Mr Right" is a sweet idea, but it is so often used for people to ignore their promises and destroy lives. I mean examples of someone getting married and then meeting someone else that they feel "is so much more perfect" for them... and they let the relationship bloom in spite of their marriage.

It is sadness and tragedy. It doesn't have to be this way.

I don't buy into the "Mr. Right" concept fully. I buy into the "I'm mature enough now to build a life with someone and remain faithful to them, regardless of what comes." I believe the most important line in the wedding vows is "forsaking all others". That means you've decided to stay with one man regardless, to do the work, ignore the natural attraction you will have for other men at times, even feelings of love, to ignore the attentions other men may attempt to give you, to stay focused on your man until the end.

So, if you are ready to make a commitment, a permanent one, THEN you decide which of these two men you MOST want to make a go of it with. Then go after him 100%. Full attention.

If it works out, great. If not, shake it off and set your sights on the next guy, and AGAIN give it 100%. This is the approach and method of a mature, faithful woman.

You can do it, make sure you're ready, then go for it. If you're not really ready to "forsake all others", then relax, and enjoy an open field of dating possibilities, experience much and do not falsely present yourself as monogamous until you're really ready to go that route.