[kaneda]

The title pretty much sums it up - my ex's birthday is rapidly coming up and I can't make up my mind what to do.Should I contact by phone and wish him a happy birthday?Write a letter?Send an e-card?Greet him over skype or say nothing at all?
I'm not the "i give - you give" kind of person,meaning I don't expect him to do the same for me (though it would make me really happy).I strongly feel I should wish him all the best on his birthday,but I'm not sure if that won't be too much of a "giving my poer away to you again" type of situation.
Please give me some advice to think about. : x

P.S If you'd like to get some history : we were together under 6 months,he broke up with me 4 months ago because he fell out of love i.e stopped loving me.He insisted on being friends for a reason unknown to me (though he said it was because I was smart,special etc.).I say unknown because I really think he can't let go and that he doesn't want yet another person walking out on him.I'm sure his feelings for me are ,in fact ,over and that despite my efforts and my wishes we will never be together again.I'm trying to go into NC-i'm talking less and less to him,responding coldly and in few words.I've tried parting from him before and I know that when I decide to finally go full NC I'll have the strong need to say I loved him and wished him back,though I'd never ask him to contact me only if he wanted the same.
Thank you.

[Edible]

I wouldn't

[cleanfun]

Nope. Find a new guy who's birthday needs celebrating. There's plenty of them out there.

If he contacts you, great, wish him a happy birthday and then continue on your search.

[Smoked]

He obviously doesn't want to continue with anything, and you shouldn't want to either from the sounds of things..

[AmExp]

Ha, we should have combined our posts. Sounds like we have a similar situation. The difference is, I already sent my card. He did not wish me happy b-day or anything but I love the guy too much for me not to have said anything. Now I am just wondering if I made a mistake. I am saying this because you don't want to have to regret your choice. OR the fact that he may not respond to your efforts. That is what is worrying me the most. He may not say anything about it and I will continue not to hear from him at all.

[kaneda]

AmExp,you shpuldnt regret it-yes you gave a litytle of yourself away to a person not willing to even say a thank you,but I feel that you're the bigger person.Its not all about love,its about common human reaction.I,on the other case,would loose all self respect and power gaian,not that I have regained them.

[AmExp]

Why do you think you would lose all self-respect? I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship so if anyone would lose self-respect, it would be me for contacting a peson like that. I would like a power gain, but I have to first get a reaction from the person for anything to work.

[losingit77]

I'm in a similar situation. His b-day is in 2 weeks and we broke up 5 weeks ago after 4 years together. Been doing NC for 9 days. He's tried contacting me but I haven't answered. We didn't break up on horrible terms but I know its best for me to have zero contact with him for a while.

I don't want to be *sshole to him because other than saying "he couldn't be in a relationship anymore" he was never a *sshold to me. So my plan is to send him a voicemail wishing him a happy b-day. This way, I don't have to talk to him because I know I still won't be ready to do that in a couple of weeks.

[AmExp]

So losingit, why do you want to call him if you want zero contact??

[losingit77]

Ok, so maybe I should say "limited contact". It all depends on how the relationship ended. If it ended on bad terms or with someone really hurting the other person, than I'd say forget it and don't have anything to do with them ever again, they're not worth it. My relationship ended with 2 people who still love and care about each other but we came to a fork in the road and one went one way and the other went another. There was no bad blood intentionally put on either person.

I wanted no contact because its easier for me to get my head back straight. I'm not doing no contact to hurt him.

[losingit77]

Amxp - Now you got me thinking way too much about this. Why do I always have to be the nice girl? Yeah, we broke up somewhat "lovingly" but still... he could walk away from our relationship after 4 years rather than working it out? Why should I be obligated to wish him a happy b-day? Maybe I won't send a voicemail. We'll see how I feel in 2 weeks.

[you_know]

Just because he wanted you guys to still be friends, then I would. I had the same thing happen to me and all I did was call him and say happy birthday. It makes you look like a bigger person and men love that:). I think you should just call him and say happy birthday, what could it hurt. Your not going to get hurt. After all if he said he wants to be friends with you then just be friends with him and do like you regularly would with any other friend.

[AmExp]

Ok but that is the polite thing to say. "We can still be friends" is a classic line that people use just so they can appear to be the "bigger person". They don't always mean that is what they want to happen. I think sometimes you have to tread lightly and know who you are dealing with.

[you_know]

Yea I thought about that after I posted... lol

[AmExp]

Hahah, it's all good.

[kaneda]

Its only natural to want SOME contact and if you're a normal person you'd wish a happy birthday to whomever has it,regardless if its an ex or not.But in our situation its better to do it inderectly but still not through another person.May be not even a card.Just a mail - happy birthday X.Thats it. And if he responds (which I doubt) you say/do nothing.

[AmExp]

Yeah well he did NOT respond(again it has just been a day) but I don't think it is going to happen... word on the street.

[AmExp]

Lostingit, I am not trying to have you thinking about it too miuch, haha. I am so upset amd embarrassed that things did not go according to plan. I don't and did not deserve this behavior. Maybe things will fare better for you then they did me.

[amIwrong]

The title pretty much sums it up - my ex's birthday is rapidly coming up and i can't make up my mind what to do.Should i contact by phone and wish him a happy birthday?Write a letter?Send an e-card?Greet him over skype or say nothing at all?
I'm not the "i give - you give" kind of person,meaning i dont expect him to do the same for me (though it would make me really happy).I strongly feel i should wish him all the best on his birthday,but i'm not sure if that wont be too much of a "giving my poer away to you again" type of situation.
Please give me some advice to think about. : x

P.S If you'd like to get some history : we were together under 6 months,he broke up with me 4 months ago because he fell out of love i.e stopped loving me.He insisted on being friends for a reason unknown to me (though he said it was because i was smart,special etc.).I say unknown because i really think he can't let go and that he doesnt want yet another person walking out on him.I'm sure his feelings for me are ,in fact ,over and that despite my effords and my wishes we will never be together again.I'm trying to go into NC-i'm talking less and less to him,responding coldly and in few words.I've tried parting from him before and i know that when i decide to finally go full NC i'll have the strong need to say i loved him and wished him back,though i'd never ask him to contact me only if he wanted the same.
Thank you.

Well, have you guys maintained a friendship since then? I think that would be the best indicator. I suppose if you have communicated off and on since then I doubt it would be harmless. However, I have dated some guys to say something like that and learned later they wanted to "stay friends" because maybe they wanted to keep their booty call options open, or didn't want to burn any bridges so that they may return later. I suppose nothing is wrong with that, but he should be clear and you should be aware of his reasoning so that no one gets hurt.

Maybe he does want to be friends, but if he actually does then he would still be an active part of your life. If he is not, then even if you do have the best of intentions it could come off like your still happily hoping to get back together. Almost like when you break up with someone and it's like "Oh, I forget my sweater at your house" you may have, but do you really care about the sweater or seeing the person, contacting them again? It's up to you, but I believe I would only do it if he was actively participating like a friend would, if he hasn't and you have not spoke to him since then then I wouldn't . He could have a new g/f or a interests it could cause drama, you just never know.

[talaniman]

If you have no false hope, or expectations of anything else, then send him a card. But if your trying to open that door again, maybe its not so good of an idea. Have you gotten over him or not? If not I would say just leave it alone.