[losingit77]

Len21 - Don't worry. You'll have good days and bad. Today's a bad day so there should be a good day in the horizon somewhere.

Yes, don't sleep with him again! Of course, if he can sleep with you and not actually be in a relationship, he's going to jump at the chance. But that's not what you want, right? Focus on what you want. Not what he wants. Its all of you or none of you! He can't get the all the great benefits of a relationship without any of the responsibilities. Trust me, I've been there. Not with my current ex, although he was 25, but with guys I was involved with in my early 20s.

(And before you guys get upset, I'm not saying all guys are like that, you guys are great bunch and I only wish I knew guys like you. But I'm just saying some... I mean who's not going to jump at sex with no strings attached?)

[losingit77]

BTW, I wish I could change my screen name now cause its been 5 weeks now and I honestly don't feel like I'm "losingit" anymore. Oh well, I'm sure there may be more of those days to come.

[len21]

You are right and it is funny cause I know all this but somehow I think I can jusitfy it to myself, like thinking it is not such a big deal but if a couple of days later like now it is affecting me then of course I should just stop it... sux when it is so fun at the time lol! I really am kidding myself though so I just got to keep on trucking along and def not text him for some more no strings sex!

This guy who has been asking me out heaps just asked me out for dinner again tonight and I am very tempted to go, at least it will take my mind of things but I am worried that I might start comparing...

So weird though even if my ex said he wanted us to get back together I think that would be the last thing I want right now, think I just miss the comfort! Crazy how the human mind can play tricks..

[losingit77]

len21 - you're so on your way to bigger and better things and are starting to really think clearly so just keep on your path.

I've thought the same thing. I miss the comfort and physical interaction my ex and I had and have thought, "well, maybe we could still do that sometimes with him and be fine and still move on..." And I think "agh, don't kid yourself. it'll feel great at the moment but the next day you'll start right back to square one. I still love him...doing that with him would always mean more to me than just sex..." Don't tempt yourself.

Yes, if you want to go out on a date you should. Just get it in your mind, that its just a fund night out. This guy doesn't need to be "the one", he doesn't need to "measure up" to your ex, and understand that just because you may not feel anything for this new guy doesn't mean you won't one day find someone who will make you feel the way you felt about your ex or even better! That's what I keep trying to remind myself. : )

[ihatewestseneca]

Wish i was having a good day am jealous... god i am sooo tempted to contact him today. after spending the afternoon together and then sleeping together again on Sunday (stupid i know) and him saying he wants to see me again this week. It ended with a txt from me saying that i would give him a txt this week to catch up but managed to hold off till now and really want to not txt again because I know it sounds messed up but i am hoping that he is waiting for my txt!!!

I've learned that every time you make contact, you're tempted to make more contact. Like tempted more than you were before, I would say after about 3 weeks of absolute no contact, it becomes a breeze. And then before you know it you're actually moving on... insane, I know. I knew I when I was pretty much over her when certain songs on my iTunes list came on, and I smiled at the memories I have. And didn't curl into a fetal position and cry myself to sleep lol.

[MissingHim2Much]

Hi guys, WOW! I just surpassed the nine month mark. Nine months broke up, nine months NC.

I read this thread a lot. I wonder how some of you can remain friends with your ex's. I still hold a lot of resentment towards my ex and could never be his friend and that makes me feel kind of small sometimes. Like somehow I'm not a big enough person to just let it go.

Then what really pi$$es me off about myself is when I read the posts here about the ex's making contact I find myself feeling a little envious because my ex left and never ever looked back.

Kind of makes you feel like you never exsisted... Like you've been erased.

[talaniman]

Kind of makes you feel like you never exsisted... Like you've been erased.

Wow, Its okay to have those feelings. 9 months is not a long time to heal, after a 7 year relationship, but your doing great.

[friend4u178]

Then what really pi$$es me off about myself is when I read the posts here about the ex's making contact I find myself feeling a little envious because my ex left and never ever looked back.

And where does it get them , they get stuck at certain stages or go back considerably. They should be envious of you really.

Like Tal says "missing" 9 months is not enough most of the time to get over a long term Relationship , and yes you are doing great!! :)

[MissingHim2Much]

Wow, Its okay to have those feelings. 9 months is not a long time to heal, after a 7 year relationship, but your doing great.

Thanks tal, I am doing great I think. My biggest concern is the next time I get into a relationship one of 2 things will happen. 1) I won't see it if he's pretending to be in it 100% like the last one... or 2) He'll be in it 100% and I'll think he's pretending because of the last one.

How do you leave the bull$h!t baggage of the last relationship behind?

[MissingHim2Much]

And where does it get them , they get stuck at certain stages or go back considerably. They should be envious of you really.

Like Tal says "missing" 9 months is not enough most of the time to get over a long term Relationship , and yes you are doing great!!! :)

I know you're right about what your saying. I'm just saying that being completely forgotten hurts a lot too. I guess that just goes to show you that break ups suck regardless of how they play out.

[talaniman]

How do you leave the bull$h!t baggage of the last relationship behind?

Just learn to love yourself enough to be willing to do what it takes to be happy. We may be gun shy at first, to take a chance in the future, but once you have really healed, and start to be proactive in building a life you enjoy, you won't be afraid to take that chance, and trust again. You just have to be patient and work to be healthy, and happy. Trust me, and I speak from experience, after healing you don't just forget that hurt, and pain, and you handle things much differently. Slowly, and eyes wide open. Love yourself enough to trust yourself.

[kaneda]

Day 2 was a total success - no communication whatsoever. Wasn't even close to breaking NC. But I think my ex-boyfriend is being stubborn now and won't break it either which is kind of funny to think of.Reverse psychology.
Day 3 is going great for now :)

[confusionmax]

I think closure is all in our head...I felt I needed closure like nothing else, just an explanation,something..all I got was that she just doesnt want to be with me anymore..which means it was on her mind longer than I thought or imagined...
I know that some couples break up on good terms..but I find it better to be angry at her.
No-shes not a witch for breaking up with me..or getting bored of the relationship and wanting to move on..
But if she loved me like she claimed then we wouldve talked about this and we wouldve tried to sort this out..So I don't excuse her and I am angry at her.
So,confusionmax, you should ask yourself what the conditions of your break up are..and if you honestly want to be a txt , call , or email away...
Because I honestly dont want to bump into my ex or hear from her ever again.

(Day 29 and I deleted her from facebook btw..Next step?)

I agree with you about closure. I guess its just because I didn't expect it. And the question of do I honestly want to be there for him or not... well he was my best friend... so I guess you I do, but then I don't. I told him that because it just automatically came out.. but now that I think about it.. I'm not sure. And yes, I am angry at him... it helps somewhat.. but I still do miss him. But I know things cannot go back to what they were, so there's no hope waiting for it. I have to move on and that's about it. So... day 3 of reinstated NC... not going sooo welll yet... but I will become stronger!! :)

[strawberrybee]

This question is interesting to me since my ex broke up with me brutally. I was in tears the last time I saw him. It was tough, but I did not contact him at all afterwards. Exactly 4 weeks later, HE contacted me(!) and ironically enough, during that week, I had met a guy I was interested in. I was already going through the notion of moving on and directing my interest in this new guy. It really frustrated me that he would come back into my life the moment I noticed another man. He told me made a mistake, wanted things back to how they were... well, it lasted less than 2 weeks since I caught him lying to me about his whereabouts, which is the main reason why HE broke up with me in the first place! He couldn't even admit that he got caught the second time around, broke up with me again, and blamed it on me, saying I was paranoid, didn't believe him (obviousy!) and whatnot. Unbelievable!

I even deleted him from my Facebook before he could delete me. It was kind of surprising to me that he hadn't done it right away since he was logged on shortly before I caught him lying to me.

I know now not to date liars. Haha. And no, I'm not planning to break the NC rule at all the second time around. I didn't the first time around and he came back. If he comes back this second time around, my answer is simply, NO!

[losingit77]

Day 11! Woohoo! Only an infinity more to go! : )

[nickshehe]

How on earth can they not miss us?
Don't feel tempted to call her or talk to her much... But it is beyond me how she's never called or texted me.. just on msn..

Day 31.

[losingit77]

Wow, 31 days and she never even attempted contact.

That's what I'm dreading, him not even attempting, but I know we shouldn't be concentrating on that. He attempted on Day 6 of NC but I didn't answer. Maybe he got the hint. Oh, well. Not my problem anymore.

Think of it this way. Its way easier to keep NC if they aren't trying to contact you and keeping NC is the main goal!

[nickshehe]

She tried contact via msn every 4-5 days or so.. she would just say hi but I wouldn't reply..
I expected at least a call or a text at some point but it appears I am not worthy :)
Heh
You're right though it wouldve been frustrating if she kept butting in my life.. its better I'm left alone

[ihatewestseneca]

Can't sleep tonight... its 4AM... its been about 4 months NC... and I'm still having these days/nights... shouldn't I be better by now... I know I've made a lot of progress, and I'm happy with things right now, but I just wish I had another interest... someone else that I could see myself with. Its just so damn unfair... if my ex ends up with this new guy I think I'm going to take karma into my own hands, shed a little blood. (im kidding, obviously) but sometimes I want to hear something, anything about they're demise... I'm pretty sure its going to happen, but I can't be sure, lol that sounds so selfish... goodness writing this makes me feel better, I less than 3 AMHD... I am so glad I found this site, I'm so glad for the great advice... I don't know where I would be without it. But at the same time I'm glad my ex is happy, if she is happy... and I think I would like to be her friend one day, but I'm going to let it happen naturally... I'm not going to call her this summer at all when she comes home, NC is easy, but knowing that she's around doesn't make me feel any better. I also know that she has just about no friends here, what the crap is wrong with me... I know ill feel better tomorrow, and I know that girls will flirt with me tomorrow at work, and I should feel a little prideful about that, but none of them really do it for me... so it has me thinking I'm too picky, but is it so wrong that I know what I want in a girl and don't really settle for anything less? I guess I still have trouble accepting that she just doesn't want me anymore... and it really boggles the mind, we were so great together, and it sucks to think that the guy she left me for is better... women huh?.

[kaneda]

Day 3 was purr-fect :) as is day 4 so far :)