[jesnkidz]

My 4 year old daughter has a problem she pees and poops her pants on purpose and she is horribly mean to her brother and dad and I, she has been tramatised, she is a severe asthmatic and has been hospitalized a lot of times but what can I do to help he be a nice young lady and stop the mess pants before kindergarten starts in August.

[Alty]

Does she wear pull ups or underwear? I had a similar problem with my daughter, after 1 year of trying to potty train her I was ready to give up. She was 4 and still pooing and peeing in her pants. I finally told her that if she does then she has to sit in it, she would only get underwear, no pull ups, and only one pair of underwear a day, if she messed in them she'd be stuck wearing dirty underwear. It worked, she was potty trained in two days and dry at night after a week.

[jesnkidz]

She wears underwesr during the day and pullups at night, she was potty trained for a whole 6 months until her brother came along and she has been having trouble since.

[Fr_Chuck]

Just to note, I am edited this line, I was typing my answer as you posted your update

Was she ever completely potty trained, and is this in your belief an action to be bad on purpose ? Is it an act to get attention? Even if bad.
And of course being 4 they are often just mean from many I remember.

If you believe this to be on purpose, is there punishment, toys taken away, grounded to room, sitting in corner ?

I am torn since I don't believe in ever using negative for "potty training" but if she is or was trained and this is a action to be mean, it is different

[jesnkidz]

It proberly is an act for attention, she was potty trained at night and day for 6 months and them stopped
On being bad, I have taken toys, ty, fun everything I can think of and it didn't work

[Alty]

Oh, oh, sounds like a bit of sibling rivalry and reverting back to being a baby.

How do you react when she messes her pants? Do you yell, tell her that it's bad, or do you just ignore her?

She is looking for attention, her brother messes in his pants and he gets tons of attention, so maybe she will too. As adults we know that this is silly behavior, but kids use whatever works, and that's what she is doing.

Get her to help more with her brother. When you change the baby's diaper let her help by bringing you the new diaper, or handing you the wet wipes. While you are changing him tell her how lucky she is to be a big girl that can go on the potty, let her know all the things that she gets to do because she's older, it's no fun being a baby.

Offer an incentive, if she stays dry for a week maybe take her out for a day of fun, just you and her, while daddy and baby stay at home, he can't come because he still messes in his pants, only big kids get to spend a day with mommy. See where I'm going with this?

I hope this helps. Good Luck.

[jesnkidz]

Ty you all for your answers I will let you know it it works