Check out some similar questions!

CRT36 · Apr 28, 2008, 01:32 PM

[f]my Daughter Is 15 And Just Recently Had A Baby. I Have Been Supportive And Pretty Much Put Everything On Hold For Her And The Baby. She Finally Told The Boy About The Baby And They've Been Talking Lately About Living Together. I Told Her That She Is 15 And Can't Move Out. So He Came To Stay With Us. This Weekend She Informs Me That They've Moved In With Some Friends And That She Wasen't Coming Home. I Don't Know What To Do. I Know Where She Is So She's Not A Runaway And She's Not Missing. But I Don't Want Her To Get Into Some Kind Of Trouble And Then I'm Responsible. I Feel Like If She Try's It On Her Own She'll Know That You Can't Make It On Love Alone. He Has No Job The Only Thing She Has Is Her Wic Vouchers. I Just Don't Know What To Do!!! Please Someone Tell Me Some Sound Advice.

Thanks,
Christina

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Apr 28, 2008, 01:45 PM

You know what you should do? Be the parent!

I'm sorry if that came off harsh to you but she isn't 18 yet. Until then she must abide by your rules. You need to make her realize that.

If the father of the child has no job, I suggest he get one because he'll if he doesn't the courts will come after him.

Gernald · Apr 28, 2008, 02:07 PM

I know you don't want to get her in to trouble... but it's called tough love. Even if you know where she is, if she won't come home since she's under 18 she is a runaway. If she's having a baby and trying to get rid of you at 15 imagine what sort of trouble she's going to get herself in in the real world. Plus her record will not count twords anything because she is below 18.. after 18 she can do what she wants and be punished with a record however the judge chooses. Just a suggestion.

Or maybe try calling her and asking her to come over just to visit and to leave her kid with the 'father' (he's not doing anything anyway). Sit down pop some pop corn or make dinner or something and have a good long chat. Try to get her views on the situation and then offer up a censored version of your opinion. If you don't like that she's not at home with you ask her to move back in, maybe even (if your okay with it) suggest that the father of the child move in too... on the condition that he gets a job and contributes maybe $100 or something every two weeks for food for everyone (primarily his child). Maybe even offer free room and board to him as long as he is at school and making good grades or taking the GED at the next available testing date (I don't know how old he is so I'm assuming he's still in High school).

Supporting your child is a good thing.. but part of that support system is that you guide your child in the right direction, before 18 she's your responsibility so love her all you want, but do what beautiful bernette says and be the parent.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 28, 2008, 02:07 PM

Well personally I agree with beautifulbrunette, it is time to be a parent and set some rules, if you said she can't move, she can't,

you_know · Apr 28, 2008, 02:14 PM

Well from a child's point of you(which I am)... I want to always try things on my own. I want to make decisions for myself and I want to make my life good by myself. I don't want to feel like I let people make my life good. I want to do it all on my own. You should let your daughter find out that she can't do it on her own, and when she finds that out she will turn to you. There is were you need to be the parent and stand up and take care of her. Teach her responsibility. Then make her get a job and her little boyfreind to. Soon they will be able to support there selves and mabye work hard for their future.

I am sorry if any of this offended you, you seem very nice and caring.

greeneyedbaby · Apr 28, 2008, 02:24 PM

I agree with you_know. I have a friend who has a 3 month old and she's 17. She moved out of her mom's house and was fine until the baby came. She then moved in with a family friend who needs a morning and evening nurse on account that he's paralyized. She still had her freedom but her mom was close to help. However the baby needs dipers and she has a cell phone and likes to go out all which needs money. So she just recently moved back in with her mom because she wasn't able to make it on her own. Be there and support her and let her know that your there when she needs you. You can still be a parent and not let her walk all over you but if and/or when she finds out that doing it on her own isn't possible she will come to you but that's only if you stay open with her if you make her think that you believe that she's going to fail at it she'll do everything in her power to prove you wrong which means she won't come to you when she needs help

you_know · Apr 28, 2008, 02:25 PM

Thanks green-eyed baby!!

Gernald · Apr 28, 2008, 02:31 PM

I kind of have to agree with what you_know said too... there are so many ways to deal with this!

She probably will come back, she needs you even if she thinks she dosen't. This is a good route as long as she is an okay girl (besides getting 'knocked up' that is) and has a good head on her shoulders try keeping track of her and make sure she's not doing anything else stupid.

JudyKayTee · Apr 28, 2008, 03:01 PM

[QUOTE=CRT36][b][f]my Daughter Is 15 And Just Recently Had A Baby. I Have Been Supportive And Pretty Much Put Everything On Hold For Her And The Baby. She Finally Told The Boy About The Baby And They've Been Talking Lately About Living Together. I Told Her That She Is 15 And Can't Move Out. So He Came To Stay With Us. This Weekend She Informs Me That They've Moved In With Some Friends And That She Wasen't Coming Home. I Don't Know What To Do. I Know Where She Is So She's Not A Runaway And She's Not Missing. But I Don't Want Her To Get Into Some Kind Of Trouble And Then I'm Responsible. I Feel Like If She Try's It On Her Own She'll Know That You Can't Make It On Love Alone. He Has No Job The Only Thing She Has Is Her Wic Vouchers. I Just Don't Know What To Do!! Please Someone Tell Me Some Sound Advice.

This is a legal board, not a relationship board, and so -

You are LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE for her and the baby - do you want that responsibility when she is not under your roof?

She has enough problems now, 15 with a baby? How old is the boyfriend? Out there on her own, playing house, no rules, she could REALLY get herself jammed up and destroy the rest of her life. That baby deserves better than it's probably getting.

So I would go to Court and bring her home - or if that is not possible, then I'd emancipate her and get myself out from under legal responsibility. You are the parent; she is the child. The words, "Not on my watch, not under my roof" come into my mind.

Then I'd sit her down and discuss birth control - a conversation which you might have already had which she apparently didn't hear the first (or second) time around. People out there aren't just getting pregnant - they are dying of AIDS. It's no longer a question of pregnancy, it's a question of health and life.

JudyKayTee · Apr 28, 2008, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by you_know

Well from a childs point of you(which I am)..... I want to always try things on my own. I want to make decisions for myself and I want to make my life good by myself. I dont want to feel like I let people make my life good. I want to do it all on my own. You should let your daughter find out that she can't do it on her own, and when she finds that out she will turn to you. There is were you need to be the parent and stand up and take care of her. Teach her responsibilty. Then make her get a job and her little boyfreind to. Soon they will be able to support there selves and mabye work hard for their future.

I am sorry if any of this offended you, you seem very nice and caring.

This is a legal board, not a relationship board, and the mother has legal responsibility here. You did read that the daughter is 15. What kind of job do you think she is going to get to support this child? She needs to be back in school.

stinawords · Apr 28, 2008, 03:37 PM

You need to contact a family law office and find out which way your state rules on emansipation. In many states you are still responsible for your daughter and if this is your case I absolutely side with Judy. However, there are a few states that consider a child to be emancipated when they give birth to their own child. Honestly, for your daughter's sake I hope you are still held accountable so that you have the law on your side to make sure she (as well as her child) are safe and all is well. That is just something to check into though.

N0help4u · Apr 28, 2008, 04:13 PM

She can be declared a runaway and the family she is with can be considered harboring a minor. Problem 1 is she could resent you for 'dragging her back home' but if you don't either drag her back home or get her emancipated (age depends on your state) then you could be responsible for any trouble she gets into. IF she is still in school and doesn't go then YOU have to pay the fines.
This list will give you an idea on emancipation but I don't know how accurate it is because it says Tennessee has no emancipation statute but a lot of people on this site told me it does.
Emancipation in the United States Fact Sheet at Juvenile Law Center

Izannah · Apr 28, 2008, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by CRT36

[f]my Daughter Is 15 And Just Recently Had A Baby. I Have Been Supportive And Pretty Much Put Everything On Hold For Her And The Baby. She Finally Told The Boy About The Baby And They've Been Talking Lately About Living Together. I Told Her That She Is 15 And Can't Move Out. So He Came To Stay With Us. This Weekend She Informs Me That They've Moved In With Some Friends And That She Wasen't Coming Home. I Don't Know What To Do. I Know Where She Is So She's Not A Runaway And She's Not Missing. But I Don't Want Her To Get Into Some Kind Of Trouble And Then I'm Responsible. I Feel Like If She Try's It On Her Own She'll Know That You Can't Make It On Love Alone. He Has No Job The Only Thing She Has Is Her Wic Vouchers. I Just Don't Know What To Do!!! Please Someone Tell Me Some Sound Advice.

Thanks,
Christina

Wowza!

First thing, what state do you live in... (feel like all I ever say is "check your state statutes" but it's the first step... KNOW YOUR RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES!! )

The first issue is she is 15 and would still be considered a minor no matter where you live in the US. The fact that she is a "minor parent" adds all kinds of lumps to the oatmeal, not only do we have to worry about her welfare but also the welfare of the baby.

There's a lot more to know... how old is the "boy" that is the father? Paternity has definitely been established? Who are the "friends" they moved in with? Any adults in that home? I'm assuming she has quit attending school... for your area, what is the legal age that a person must be to drop out without consent of the parent? Truancy is another issue that will come back and bite you AND her on the butt. Drugs involved?

You may know where she is, that does not mean she is not a run-away. She is out of your home without your consent and "out of control of the parent." If something happens to her or she does anything where she is liable for any damages, you are the one it's going to come back on. If she is not attending school, and has not officially withdrawn, you're also looking at truancy charges. Usually at 15, the judge yells more at the kid than the parent, but it's still on your head. You've got your plate full, there's all kinds of underlying issues.

Please check out this website and look at the statutes for your area, there's a lot of good information. State Statutes

Chances are your state is a mandatory reporting state meaning if you are aware of a situation that puts a child at risk of harm or is being neglected, you are obligated to report it. In this situation, there are two children at risk. At the VERY LEAST you need to contact law enforcement and have them do a "well child check." Basically just call, tell them your concerns (specifically if you are worried about the welfare of the baby and living conditions) and have them go check on her. If they see anything troubling, they will probably get CPS and/or the courts involved.

Depending on where you are and how things are run, you can try going directly to your county attorney's office and tell them your situation and ask them to file a juvenile petition against her. That would put her under the court's jurisdiction (not necessarily making her and the baby wards of the state and involving CPS). The judge would decide where she's going to live (most likely her parental home), make sure she attends school and help try to get her on the right path.

Another route would be to call it in to CPS. It sounds pretty harsh and most people would rather rip off their own arm, but it's a necessary "evil." It's another way to either get the courts involved or at least, as a voluntary case, they would be able to make sure that she has access to services she needs for her and the baby. She has WIC but she would also be eligible for ADC and Food Stamps, if not already receiving them. They would also look after medical needs for her and the baby.

She sounds like a very headstrong little girl, and having had a child at 15, control was lost a long, long time ago. I love the part where she "informed you" that she was moving out. Now she not only wants to play grown up, but she has to BE a grown up, there's a baby involved. Unfortunately for her, she is still a minor and even if she doesn't want to abide by her parents, she still has to abide by the law.

It sounds like you have tried to be supportive for her and are worried to death. I can only imagine how you felt when you found out she was pregnant and all of this was spiraling out of control. Now is the time to be even tougher, though. It's going to suck seeing her go through all of this, and she's probably going to be very angry with you for a while. But you have to decide... help her now and be fairly aggressive about it or potentially lose her.

you_know · Apr 29, 2008, 10:49 AM

Okay well I am sorry if you don't agree. However I have seen the same thing happen. My mom went through the same thing and this worked for her. She moved back in with her mom after she found out how hard it was to make it on her own, She got a job at mcdonalds, and got help from the family at the same age. Eventually she went to college. And now she is good to go.

ScottGem · Apr 29, 2008, 11:29 AM

First, you need to check state laws on the age of consent. It is very possible she is a victim of stautory rape. If so, you can have the father jailed if she doesn't come back home.

Second, you need to check on local laws about emancipation. In some places becoming a mother is automatic grounds for emancipation. Otherwise you are responsible for her and her actions.

JudyKayTee · Apr 29, 2008, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by you_know

Okay well I am sorry if you dont agree. However I have seen the same thing happen. My mom went through the same thing and this worked for her. She moved back in with her mom after she found out how hard it was to make it on her own, She got a job at mcdonalds, and got help from the family at the same age. Eventually she went to college. And now she is good to go.

I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule - if your mother got pregnant at 15, moved out, moved back and supported you and paid college tuition with her McDonalds salary, good for her - I think she's in the minority.

That statistics about education and young single mothers are staggering -

Again, this is a legal board, not a relationship board. The mother asked legally what she could/should do and that is the question that was answered.