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overwhelmed41 · Apr 12, 2008, 11:33 AM

Hello, I have 9 year old son (middle child) and he has some very serious pulmonary health issues. He is also classified in school with learning disabilities (mainly comprehension). He had a very dramatic childhood with delayed speech, hospitalizations and a life long physiotherapy to keep him healthy. All of that is taken care of except his behavior at home only. He is easily agitated and becomes verbally abusive, has long tantrums and constantly yells at everyone. His behavior is only present at home where outside the house and in school he is the ideal perfect boy. Everyone tells me he is spoiled and manipulating us. His father does not know how to deal with him except by being angry with him too. He is an athlete and participates in teams and is recognized for his speed and ability. The household is greatly affected by his behabior and I am so overwhelmed by him that I sometimes feel very depressed and drained. What do I do to change his behavior and make him feel less anxiety when at home. Please help...

progunr · Apr 12, 2008, 01:26 PM

I have to agree with the assessment that he may be manipulating you. If the behavior does not exhibit itself outside the home, then it is obvious that he knows that is the only place he can behave in such a way.

What does this behavior get him. Maybe attention? Yes, bad, but, attention.

He is a little old for this but you could try it. When he behaves in an unacceptable way, he needs to be ignored. Completely and fully ignored. Perhaps, if he can learn that the bad behavior will not produce ANY attention, it could start things in a different direction.

In addition to this, when he is not misbehaving, he needs to be given much good attention.

With some luck, and a lot of patients, you might be able to correct this problem. Short of that suggestion, you may need to involve a professional who could better assess him and what his needs are.

Good Luck.

crazybird · Apr 27, 2008, 06:51 PM

You really need to take your son to an analyst who specializes in children. Ignoring him doesn't sound like the answer in this situation. He has issues and he lets off his steam when he gets home. You need to assess his problem first. Perhaps he doesn't know why he does this himself. He may need attention. I don't know his history but if you can't ask him and get to the bottom of it yourself then a psychiatrist should evaluate him.

gracean11 · Apr 27, 2008, 11:23 PM

Yes, I think you should bring him to a specialist. And you should be patient with him, maybe he has a problem and he can't voice it out. You should talk to him in a patient way, and ask about what he felt, and why he is being like that. Maybe he behave in school because he can't really express his true self. What if someone is bullying him? You should also be aware of it. Give him love in care, you are the only person who can understand him. Teach him how to handle his tantrums. Don't spoil him.

crazybird · Apr 28, 2008, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by gracean11

Yes, I think you should bring him to a specialist. And you should be patient with him, maybe he has a problem and he can't voice it out. You should talk to him in a patient way, and ask about what he felt, and why he is being like that. Maybe he behave in school because he can't really express his true self. What if someone is bullying him? You should also be aware of it. Give him love in care, you are the only person who can understand him. Teach him how to handle his tantrums. Don't spoil him.

I agree with Gracean. He definately needs compassionate help; yours and a professional.