[jpop1]

I been married for a few years, recently got back togetgher with my husband after a year separated (in which time I was dating my ex). We got married because we had son together, and because I wanted security and didn't want to feel left out because I didn't have his last name and I needed medical insurance. I did not marry for love, but for security and insurance and (stupid as it sounds) to forget about my ex who I was still in love with. It was OK marriage for about 6 months, then all my feelings of guilt and unhappiness flooded me because I knew I was still in love with ex. I felt trapped in a marriage that I never wanted to be in under normal circumstances (not having a son with him before we married) I ama christian, but was not practicing or praying at the time I got married. I pretty much pushed him into marying me fast, so I could not change my mind (no wedding, just justice of peace). I thought that being married would help me get over my ex (who I felt was not ready to settle down with me, as I was with him at the time) now we have 2 sons together. My husband is good man, but we do not connect sexually, or mentally too well. I do not like kissing or sex with my husband. As a christian I know divorce is not what God intended. But I am frustrated and sad all the time. I have been communicating with my ex for the last year and a half and I have tried to break it off with him, but I cannot, I do love him. My ex says he always wanted to be and still wants to be with me, and I long for that. I cannot live loving one man and being married to another man. I hate thought of taking my sons away from they father, but I know my ex will be good dad too to them. What do I do now that I am in a marriage for all wrong reasons and done adultery on my husband? I am so lonely and sad... I pray and I know God has forgiven me for wrong I done and I am waiting on Him for answers, but I am so confused now and sad..

:( :( :( :(

[Fr_Chuck]

First it is not your husbands fault, and would he want custody of the child if you wished to leave and follow our desires?

Now honestly you should put as much into making it work as you do trying to ruin it Stop all contact with ex, completely, no calls, no emails nothing, go into cousleing with your husband to get and find a loving place with him

[kp2171]

I agree... time to fully be in the marriage or fully out.

The first choice should be to try to honor your vows, and that involves you and your husband talking to a counselor. He seems to have honored his side... but there are issues such as communication and intimacy that he needs to work on, as might you. If seeking help for this marriage is too much to ask, then you have made up your mind.

I have a relative who has made a number of bad choices in his life, as has his wife. And every time they get stuck in a spot they look upon "God's will" to guide them.

OK. I'm pretty certain "God's will" isn't for someone to have their head up their arse... but it doesn't stop them... and when it all turns sour... its still all about God's plan for them. BS.

Nope. That's a convenient "out." you have the tools and the skills and the free will to decide what you want with your life.

While I'm all for saying do the hard work that a marriage deserves, if you aren't ever going to be all in, and aren't willing to try all avenues... then get out.

The only addendum... have the respect to find a way to have your husband in your sons life, or as mentioned, have the kids with him. He has honored his vows, and he deserves a chance to be the father he is.

It doesn't matter that the "ex" might be a good father to the boys... well, it does matter... but taking the children away from a loving father who has done no wrong other than be deceived... I just cannot see how that can be justified. If you can't be with him, fine. He deserves someone who can love him and honor their vows.

But the kids deserve to know their father. They shouldn't be just more victims to bad choices. If you can't be their father's mate, OK. Find a way to keep their father in their life if you simply cannot be the mate you promised to be.

[Mariesa]

Pleas don't take offense or get upset about anything I am going to say. I am simply trying to point out a few things. I was also raised christian so I know where your coming from, but what you say is that you don't want to get divorced because God doesn't like divorce. It seems that there are a lot of "rules" being broken here. The bible also says that even if the sin is in you heart it's the same as actually doing it. If your already emotionally detached chances are you've made up your mind. I would defenitely take the steps you need to take to get out of the marriage. This is not fair to your husband and he deserves someone who loves him unconditionally. The only other thing I want to say is make sure that this is what you want and think it through before you actually make any changes. Make sure this is really what you want.

[taytortot]

What!!

[talaniman]

Your solution is very simple, as you have married for your own selfish deceitful reasons, benefited, but now you want more.

Tell your husband the complete truth, and let him decide if your worth any more of his efforts.

Cut ties with the ex as you should have done, and give 100% to giving your husband what he deserves, a caring, loving wife who appreciates him, and supports him.

Pick one, and do it.

I find it telling, you have NOT even mentioned the best interest of your children. That lets us all know where your priorities and concerns are.

[kp2171]

Uhm... OP's not been back since day 1.