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Exactly, big bird. That's why I'm working on NC until my feelings have diminished (my new goal of 3 months). I figure I shouldn't have any contact with him until I feel like I can honestly talk to him as a friend and not as someone "trying to get him back". When I feel the urge to call him or answer his calls/texts, I just keep reminding myself that.
Not trying to hurt him, just trying to protect myself. |
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Hey hey hey ! Thanks Sneeze to have taken my post just as I meant it, I never said you particularly wanted to make your ex suffer, it's just a feeling I got from thinking about the NC concept... It wasn't an accusation or whatever !
<explanations about why I posted that here, don't read if you want to stay in-topic and don't get mad at me please !> As of putting the other one before yourself, that's exactly what I did, especially during these last months, when she was getting more and more into her personal problems, and I spent all my time trying to help her. I let school go, I let fun go, I let everything of myself go. I know it's not good for me, but that's how I am. With her even more, but even globally, I generally put the others before myself. Even now, I keep on thinking about what I can do to help her with herself, and I surely accept that we have to split if that helps her (which is why she broke : "I feel too bad alone to be able to feel good in a relationship". Basically, she says she can't cope with being in a couple right now, and wants me not to wait for her as she doesn't know how long it will be and doesn't want to have this responsibility.). So, in my particular case, I wondered about NC being a bit of a punishment or not, and I realized that, even globally, the question stood. Of course, in Sneeze's case, I understand that her ex didn't act correctly. The same would go for me if I realized that my girlfriend had just been just losing love for me and always denied it, I would have lost my trust for her and wouldn't care so much about her getting better, since she'd have lied about her problems and I'd have ruined months for nothing. But, for the moment, I do trust her, and don't want to make her feel worse. </explanations> Anyway, if you think I should leave this thread, I will. I apologize for posting that here, I admit it doesn't belong. It's just that I wanted to answer and I let my thoughts go while typing… Sorry ! PS : English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the errors I might do (egoistical, yeah)… |
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 Originally Posted by Alcmene
In the end, she said that she just can't "handle a relationship, but doesn't want me to wait because she knows it's unfair and she has no idea how long it'll take"... we ended that night very amicably... hugged... she cried... etc. ... fast forward 2 weeks.. . she's with a new guy. I'm not saying that this'll happen to you, but it is a method in which many girls utilize (not on purpose... of course, girls aren't evil ;)) to alleviate some guilt and responsibility. You can ask romefalls, Ihatewestseneca, freakinconfused... none of us got dumped in that mean way... we all got dumped by "I need space..." Again, I hope that doesn't happen to you and I hope things work out for you, but I'm just saying... don't be shocked if it does happen. Ps - I don't mind you posting here at all. However, if you do have a question you'd like to get answered by everyone, you'd get more exposure in a question of your own. If you just have a general comment, then feel free to post away. |
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Update.
I just returned from a dinner with a friend of mine... and over the course of the past 4 months, I've changed my diet... from going out to eat... to cooking food at home. I've started to eat healthier, started to work out a lot, getting more sleep, etc. In the end, I've dropped about 20 lbs. At dinner, my friend tells me that there's ANOTHER rumor going on (... why don't people take a break.. ) about me that I'm losing weight because I'm SO depressed that I've stopped eating. ... I laughed at this, because I couldn't care less. Other than that, I've been talking to hot-but-independent girl on and off for the past week now... it's very hard to talk to her as I have this idea that there should be some reciprocity... but she doesn't call me if I don't call her... because of this (throw in my god-complex and my stubborn nature), we don't talk unless I call her... so we don't talk but every 3 - 4 days. I'll be going to the shooting range this weekend with her... she's also bringing her best friend. Not sure what that means... but regardless, it should be a good time. Finals in a week. Graduation in 2.5 weeks. |
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Update:
Another update so fast sneezy? That's right ladies and gents... I'm an updating machine. I just got back from what was supposed to be a night out... but it kind of became a wash after some people were late... others didn't show up... we ended spending 2 hours at a local steak and shake just waiting around. ... in the end, we decided to come home. Sad. However, my ex's friend... graciously invited me over to her place to "hang out" and "continue the night anyway" ... I... graciously declined. Yikes. |
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Good for you Sneezy.
Sounds like the ex's friend is interested in you, never a good idea to date the friend of an ex, been there done that, big drama, no reward, bad idea. |
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Nope... that's why I steered clear.
Update again! (must be christmas... or hanukkah... or kwanza... etc.) I just got back from the range with hot-but-independent girl... we had a good time. Went to the range, popped off a few, then went to eat dinner. We got to know each other very well... we talked a lot too. Found out a lot about her, her family, and just overall had a good time. When I first met her, I thought we'd never run out of things to talk about... but I was wrong. There were small moments where we had some silences and I was trying to come up with things to talk about... but nevertheless, had fun. The ex e-mailed me to tell me that she has some things to give back to me... my fridge (she had my mini fridge... ), my keyboard, my mouse, ethernet cord... to be honest, I think I'm going to just swallow my losses (I already have) and tell her to just keep it all... what am I going to do with those things? Ah... I'm taking some time off to hang out until I go back out again in a little bit. How's everyone's weekend? |
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Hi Sneezy!
Glad you had a good time with "hot, but independant girl" That isn't such a bad thing is it? It's sure better than "hot, but very clingy girl" right? I think I know what your ex is trying to do. You haven't been answering her calls, so now she is finding other things to contact you about, and at the same time trying to seem polite by wanting to return your things. Believe me, I was THAT girl once. (or twice, hehe) All of a sudden when it seemed like he wasn't answering his messages anymore, I made excuses to appeal to his 'greedy side' (for lack of a better term) There is SUNNN here today, so the evil snow person is slowly melting away! We are over at the doggie dance party later if you want to come and play some music! I got the party started with dedicating a "bubble" song to Chicky! LOL ;) |
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Glad to see your progress..
Im almost a month of NC I think.. I should probably look back at my posts and see but there's no point looking back really.. 1 month of NC.. 1 month and a week or two since we broke up... I've been talking to this old friend of mine on the phone a lot.. well she does most of the talking which can be quite irritating.. She's really attractive and she invited me to go down to see her for the weekend.. It's strange though because she usually messages me or asks me to call, and when I reply she probably won't reply.. It's been a week or so that she has this habit of doing this.. so much like you sneezy I stopped texting first/calling.. and yeah we talk every couple of days now.. I still miss my ex a lot.. have my weak moments at times.. She updated her Facebook profile and she's so pretty.. shouldnt be looking but I got the update on my main page.. was going through my cell phone videos as well and there were a few with them in it.. I was going to make a movie out of the clips with my own music in the background.. and maybe put it on YouTube.. but I think that's probably a really really bad idea right? Yes it is.dont reply. |
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Haha, I'll reply anyway.. . don't look at her fbook. That thing is the devil. Luckily for me, my ex actually looks worse now that she's with her new guy... and hot-but-independent girl... is definitely better looking (YES!) than my ex... I'm not comparing, but I'm also not complaining.
What throws me off a little bit is that hot-but-independent girl actually knows she's hot-and-independent... and will make small vain comments about herself... which is sort of a "wow, did you really just say that...?" but it also a bit endearing. I guess we'll see if it's the attraction that's talking soon enough. nickshehe: After about a month of NC, I suggest you look back over your post... and see how much of an improvement you've made. It may not have been much, but I have a feeling that you've definitely made an improvement... you'll be surprised. |
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Sneezy, silences can be very comfortable. When yours and hers are comfortable, you will realize you are making headway in a relationship. (but you knew that)
When she makes one of her "comments," poke a little fun at her to see what happens, what she does. You can take her measure that way too. Where are you going next? |
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Heh, one thing I've started doing is to make fun of her every now and then to bring her down a notch... nothing mean, just a little playful.
I was thinking to call her Tuesday night to see if she wanted to watch a movie... but one thing that's very difficult about this girl is that she's very busy with her own friends (remember that lunch planned out 3 weeks in advance?) so... if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. If it happens, great. I'm sure she's pretty aware of my attraction towards her... only a blind/deaf/mute... actually, a blind/deaf/mute would notice it as well. In about 2 weeks, she's leaving to go home, then she's moving for work, so... I have no expectations, simply enjoying the time I have now. |
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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
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Update:
I broke NC! I did I did! Yes, tal, you can hit me if you wish... I think synnen has a whip somewhere. I've gotten 4 - 5 e-mails from my ex wondering what she should do with my things... so in the end, I just sent her an e-mail saying that she can keep it, sell it, give it away... whatever she'd like. I knew it was a trap, I went for the trap, and I fell in the trap... head first. I went to dinner with a mutual friend tonight, and at dinner, I asked, "Do you need a mini-fridge, by any chance?" Her response was priceless: "...can you please talk to her?" My ex had a conversation with said mutual friend that pretty much said that my ex was using the whole "giving back my stuff" as an excuse to talk to me. Points for starby. I knew this... I wasn't shocked about it... so I replied, "I have nothing to say to her...at all. So, do you need a fridge?" In the end, I decided to give the mutual friend my fridge, but she said she'd only accept it if I e-mailed my ex telling her that I allow her to give the fridge to mutual friend. I agreed. I e-mailed my ex again, telling her that she can give the fridge to mutual friend. Her reply was pretty much condensed to: - Thanks for responding uh huh, no probs. - I have no idea why you're so angry with me. lady, if you don't know why I'm angry with you, perhaps you should rethink the whole "grad school" idea. A 7-year old could figure out why I would be mad. Let's cut the crap. - Are you sure you don't want to talk to me? yep. Thought I made that clear. - Can we please talk? nope. - Do you want to throw away our entire friendship over what may be a misunderstanding? It's not a misunderstanding. You threw it away when you decided to get with another guy within 2 weeks. You did it. Not me. - There are rumors going on, and I want to set the record straight. I know about the rumors, no need to set them straight. - Can we talk at least once? nope. Thought I made that clear... again - If after talking once, you don't ever want to talk again, I understand. uh huh - If you don't even want that one talk, please tell me that you don't want that one talk. if the act of ignoring your 22 calls, not responding to your 2 voice mails, and not replying to your 3 e-mails doesn't send you the message loud and clear, I have no idea whatelse I can do. Sorry lady. My response to the e-mail? "I think mutual friend said she wants the fridge. Please give it to her. As for the rest of the stuff, feel free to keep it, give it away, or sell it. Thanks" As far as the other aspects of my "romance" life? HBI girl and I are having lunch this week. I expect nothing. Just a simple, "I'll probably never see you again, so let's get together before we part ways" lunch. Hot persian chick stood me up... but then called to say that she fell asleep, and will call me this week. Not buying it. I met a girl while I was at an aquarium... she was working at one of the "touch the hermit crab" booths. It was quite unpopular, so I walked over, and had a nice chat. Got her number. I'll be seeing her sometime this week as well. I am graduating in one week. I am backpacking through Europe for 2 weeks in the summer. I just put in a bid for a sports bar/grill and it was accepted. ... this summer's going to be ridiculous. Stay tuned, folks... this ex-business isn't over yet. |
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Awww Sneezy. Well you knew that sooner or later she was going to make some sort of contact with you. She's been working really hard at that hasn't she! I think you handled it all pretty well though. If she doesn't get the hint after what you have said now, she never will.
I think you should call the "touch the hermit crab" girl LMAO! That just sounds funny to me... sorry, haha! I need all the laughs I can get tonight... Niki is in doggie hosp... had surgery today, because she got attacked lastnite. The whole ordeal (well some of it) is on my Dancing with my Dog thread. Starby sad :( |
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Brilliant update Sneeze. Your definitely right to keep your distance, she did dump you after all, guess they think that your feelings and thinking of her won't change after they dump us, but they do.
Their loss for sure. Backpacking sounds great, and fair play on the bar and grill. 6 months on your doing fantastic! |
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yes, tal, you can hit me if you wish... I think synnen has a whip somewhere.
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Sneezy, Tal is right. You have healed very very well so the e-mailing her back shouldn't put you back and you should stay right on track. I think we are all in agreement about the sports bar, addresses for everyone ha ha.
I am really proud to see how you handled the situation, that could have been a disaster but you handled it like a pro. You could have simply begged for her back when she showed the slightest bit of interest, just remember that. You might thing you did a bad thing, but it could have went a lot worse! CALL HERMIT GIRL! Ha ha |
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Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Anyway, is this freaking you out? I bet its not... I think I would feel like its no big deal at all, who cares if you made some contact. "Meh, sure keep my crap, do whatever" you gave nothing away my friend, you sacrificed no dignity, it was the best kind of contact you could give an ex. Short, simple, and somewhat emotionless. |
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