[CaRRazyBootiful]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months, every time we have sex he only lasts 2to 3 minutes. Seriously, I am not over or under exxagerating. We have talked about it and tried lots of different things but nothing seems to be working. I am becoming very sexully frusterated. I don't want to seem shallow but I don't know how much more of this I can take. What on earth can we do to change this? What could be the problem? Any thoughts?

In my last post I was having problems with my boyfriend and him reaching orgasm quickly. Since then we've been talking and he tells me that he has only had this problem with me. We had a period where we broke up for a month and in that time he said that had a couple of one night stands and didn't have this problem. Before he was with me he said he had a "friend with benefits" for 8 months and he didn't have this problem with her. Could I be doing something wrong? I asked him what was it about me that causes him to "" so quickly and he says he doesn't know. Again, as in my previous post, I am becoming very sexually frusterated and I just want a soultion.

[kp2171]

Do you use condoms to try to reduce sensitivity? Do you take the top? What exactly have you tried? How old?

[Smoked]

Ok so this is an adult section so graphic this may be, but your reading about this topic so tough..


Have you tried to just keep going when he goes? Some guys learn that you can keep it hard even after you go, keeping that erection you can continue to pleasure your partner and it's much harder to just "go" again. This may give you the time you need for satisfaction. Now, what about letting him orally or manually get you off during your "foreplay". Sometimes I try to give my wife multiple orgasm before insertion. That way when I go, in a long time, short time or anything in between, her needs have already been met.

Forgot to mention, have him ejaculate more often, or have sex more often. Both will give him a little more stamina.

[kp2171]

I do agree with the notion that if nothing else works to ease his situation, getting her off first, especially with oral, is a good route... though some women have said orgasm through intercourse can be more "fulfilling"... that said, something vs nothing isn't a tough decision, right? And as I've mentioned here many times, I prefer to push my partner of the top or close to it with oral first anyway. Just primes her best for intercourse.

I was going to ask if she ever self stimulated after she wrote back, but honestly... if he's coming that fast, shell barely have time to get her mind in the moment. Also, a vibe at the cl!toris could amp things up, but again... he needs to try to train himself to hold back.

One issue with staying hard after ejaculation is that the physical act of ejaculation can prevent sustaining an erection, at least short term, and if achieved, the quality of the erection may be diminished. Those who espouse the male multiple orgasm aim to stop short of ejaculation, then amp up again, and again, until emission occurs.

As you mentioned, if he can self stim and stop short, learning to control his muscles better and his mental state, he might be able to achieve longevity. Was curious about his age and experience too.

[Choux]

I don't know what fantasies about sex you have in your head or how long it takes you to orgasm through various means, but I will say that you can have a good sex life with a man who can last 2-3 minutes if you are hot as a pistol when he begins stroking.

My husband was a premature ejaculator... two minutes would have been a long time for him... but I was able to adjust my sexuality to fit the situation, and much to my benefit. With every situation there is a plus and a minus. :) I was able to come very quickly if I wanted to... all through training myself to have strong orgasmic neural networks. That is a super plus for a woman. :)

My opinion, if he isn't husband material and you cannot adjust to his abilities, find another boyfriend. He is probably feeling terrible now about his sexuality... if the situation hasn't worked itself out, it probably won't for the two of you without therapy... therapy is for serious relationships and married folks. I guess you have to decide now where this whole thing is going and make your decision accordingly.

[kp2171]

therapy is for serious relationships and married folks.

I respectfully disagree. Sort of.

I do agree that one shouldn't bang ones head against a wall when in a less serious relationship... and that serious relationships deserve more effort...

But if a woman endured sexual trauma and had a mental block, she shouldn't wait to be in a serious relationship to get help, and we wouldn't hesitate to tell her to get help... and hope any boyfriend supported her while she got the help she needed. And while its best to be mentally and physically ready for a relationship before you dive in, life happens.

I do believe too many try to hard to fit the round peg in the square hole... done it myself. But id rather see the guy get some help if he needs it now than to pass him on to the next unsuspecting mate.

[CaRRazyBootiful]

Well he's 29 and I'm 28. He hasn't been in a serious relationship in 3 years and he says this is part of his problem. Most of the time I'll perform oral before intercourse and I tell him to tell me when he's about to have an orgasm so we can slow down and change postions. We haven't really perfected that because I'm not really sure he can tell or maybe he tells me too late. It is hard for me to get too into it because when I start to that's when he orgasms and then I'm dissapointed. He does try to satisfy me orally but he gets tired. I take a long time and I try to coach him and just when I'm almost there he stops... I usually just have to finish myself off.

The good thing is, is that even when he does orgasm he can go again and the next time its usually a little longer, but its just the sam cycle. He gets tired. I don't know why but it always takes me a long time to orgasm even in my previous relationship...

[Choux]

Hmmm, good follow-up. The crux of the matter is whether this is a serious relationship... going to a sex therapist so that your boyfriend and you can work on exercises and mindframe; spend money and time on the "problem".

If it is not a serious relationship, why bother? You take a lot of stroking to come, that is a given... if not a serious relationship, you two are mismatched, in my opinion.

[Choux]

Apples and oranges, kp, in my opinion,

A woman who has been molested as a child or young teen needs to be in therapy whether she has any kind of male relationship at all, specifically with a good male therapist.

Considering the statistics about child molestation, I consider myself very fortunate not to have had anyone molest me to any degree... once on public transportation when I was 12 or 13, an old man next to me rubbed my breast, fortunately, I had on a winter coat. Chicago!

I have no idea what a deep down betrayal would feel like, but I know years of therapy would be a must.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, and of course there are hand, viberators and other things he can help with and use before he even starts, so he can consider getting started after your 2nd or 3rd time perhaps.

[Synnen]

NOt to be too catty here or anything...

But I bet he wouldn't be "too tired" to finish you off if he did that BEFORE you made him ejaculate.

[kp2171]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post1006596

Other issues here that need to be talked out... if not between each other, with a therapist.

[450donn]

Always easier to blame the "other" person. I suspect that he does not want to admit that he has a problem. Couple of one night stands in a month when you were broken up? Plus a "friend with benefits" Guess I should ask, is it possible that he has a STD?

[kp2171]

Your two questions have been merged... please try to keep your discussion of this topic (premature ejac) in one thread. Its easier to follow what's going on and what advice has been given.

[kp2171]

Her most recent entry

In my last post I was having problems with my bf and him reaching orgasm quickly. Since then we've been talking and he tells me that he has only had this problem with me. We had a period where we broke up for a month and in that time he said that had a couple of one night stands and didnt have this problem. Before he was with me he said he had a "friend with benefits" for 8 months and he didnt have this problem with her. Could I be doing something wrong? I asked him what was it about me that causes him to "" so quickly and he says he doesnt know. Again, as in my previous post, I am becoming very sexually frusterated and I just want a soultion.

[kp2171]

So... what have you tried?

Why do oral on him first if he's coming fast?

Have you used condoms?

Have you taken other positions?

Concerning oral on you, did you check out "she comes first"?

Before oral on my partner, if I have time I try to sensitize her with massage and sensual touch... maybe 20 minutes. Sometimes faster, sometimes longer. It makes a difference.

So what have you done since your first post? If you aren't doing things differently, why expect different results?

My suggestions are to get him to spend more time sensitizing you with skin on skin touching, don't accept that oral is too tiring, educate yourself about this, and take other positions.

If he's still uninterested or unwilling, after all of the suggestions and after your talking to him, there's nothing we can do to change that he's a lazy, selfish lover.

[ang8318]

If your significant other has one night stands and friends with benefits, and he/she does not use protection then it would be a possibility that they have a STD.

[CaRRazyBootiful]

He always used protection, that's what he told me and I believe him because when we first started sleeping together he would always use protection. It wasn't until we were together for a couple of months that we started having unprotected sex.

[ang8318]

Why do you think he may have and STD? Does he have any symptoms?

[Tuscany]

So wait, are you a friends with benefits too then? So like he has you and a couple of other people that he see too?

If this is true and you are not using protection with him, and he is not using protection when he is with the others then you are not safe. It sounds like it is time for you and him to have a heart to heart.