[ihatewestseneca]

I've kind of been feeling the need to contact my ex. Hear me out first, lol. Its just that, I don't want her anymore, we couldn't work if we got back together and I don't even think I want to. But I liked her as a person, we were friends for the longest time before we started dating and I'm just plum curious as to how she's doing. Would an email asking how things are going be so bad? I honestly even think I could hear her tell me about new guy too... I just don't think about her as the same person anymore and I don't think it would be so bad.

Then again, this may be a retarded moment in westy's life and he needs to be smacked. Been 4 months of NC cept for the meeting at spring break which didn't effect me a lot at all... I don't know, I just liked talking to her... but who knows, I'm kind of a moody guy, maybe ill read this tomorrow and be like "what the crap was i thinking".

Hurt me people, or encourage me, up to you.

Haven't been on the site so much lately, because I've been doing so well not thinking about her... recently two very close friends of mine broke up with their girlfriends, and I loved the fact that I had really good advice to give them thanks to AMHD, mostly Tal. Lol. They didn't care for the advice, but I think they'll catch on.

Anyway, for those in the trenches... keep up NC and keep busy.

Broken hearts hurt, but they make us strong.

[jpm247]

I have to agree about breaking nc and re opening wounds, best not to even go there in my opinion.

And westy, well its up to you my man, you say you graduate in one week, fair play, will you see your ex after u graduate or are you from different parts of the country?

If you genuinely think your better, and could hear her talk about another guy etc, then maybe you could meet up, especially if you were friends before.

I'd still be a little wary, as you have done so well to heal and become a better person, might not be worth a set back at this stage.

But your call buddy

[ihatewestseneca]

Lol, that's actually sneezy graduating in a week... I have a couple more years to go... we go to different schools across the country, but she lives where I am. And where I go to school. So she'd be here over the summer, but I'm not going to try to set up anything... just curious. I can't help but care about her... I mean, its like I still love her, but not in that way... I really just want to know if she's really happy.

[ISneezeFunny]

Westy, I know how you feel... but trust me when I say this.. if she's not happy, she'll let you know.

It sounds like you're having a downtime, and I have a rule as to now to do anything when you're emotionally down... as you might regret it in the end.

Get out there and do something for a little bit... give it a week or so, and once you feel better, if you still feel like saying w'sup to your ex, then go all out.

I got to say though... it may not work out as well as you'd want it to.

[nickshehe]

My ex is right on time.. every 4 days I get an msn message.. been 3 weeks.
Unbelievably precise :/

[ISneezeFunny]

HAH. I know what you mean.

My ex systematically called me twice a day for the past 2 weeks.. . two calls. No message. No text. Nothing. Just one call around 7pm. Another call around 11pm.

[Romefalls19]

Lucky I don't get the calls and IMs like the two of you guys get. Basically what I get is her telling MY friends that she has something she would like to talk to me about but doesn't know how to approach it, that she wishes things could be different than they are right now. Oh and told another girl that "I have been looking a lot better lately." She asks my friends and cousins questions about how my life is going, what I'm up to and such things at that and stalks my myspace... Funny how tables turn

[jiltedgirl]

Oh maaan. :T

I am very glad that I don't have to put up with that crap. (my ex and I reached a mutual understanding--too bad the first time we were finally able to was over nc!! Lolol.)

Anyway... Westy, (and mind you this is just my personal opinion) I wouldn't contact her. I wouldn't risk it. You've come too far. If you guys are parting ways, however, and most likely won't be seeing each other ever again (and ergo, have that distance), then I think it'd be okay. Only that's not the case.

Like Sneezy said, things could take an unexpected turn and not for the better.

GLuck and tell us what you decide to do!

[ihatewestseneca]

Yeah, I think you're right Sneeze... regardless, I was going to wait to see if my feelings towards this idea would change, but its been a week, and I still just want to. Like a "what the hell" sort of thing. I have zero expectations. I'm still going to wait and see, because I think I probably will feel differently soon.

And about the ex contact... my ex was nice enough to respect the NC. A good thing, but at the same time... not so much, made me feel like she doesn't care at all... and that's all I wanted from her when I was in the thick of it, a little bit of an effort... whatever.

[ISneezeFunny]

Romefalls:

Since my ex and I broke up, I started eating better and going to the gym regularly... I dropped about 20 lbs since December. Instead of getting "you look good..." I'm getting "are you ok? are you depressed?"

... apparently, people think I'm depressed and now not eating.

... what's this bs?

[Romefalls19]

Ha ha! Yea, I don't understand that one. It's funny because now that it's nice and warm around here I have been wearing polos to work instead of long sleeves and I catch her looking at me all the time. I'm half tempted to walk in and when she is looking make a point to pull my shirt and expose the Abs... I love the fact she keeps staring.. is that wrong?

[ISneezeFunny]

Not at all...

Maybe you can wear one of these:



Yes, it's a girl's shirt... but it gets the message across.

[Romefalls19]

I like it! It must suck when she looks at her new guy and sees a huge 38" tire of a stomach he has... But hey! Maybe that just the size of his... heart?

[nickshehe]

Mm I thought I posted already.. but my ex messaged me earlier again.. right on time,every 4 days... its kind of funny

[chuff]

Well I screwed up again. The nice guy in me just won't go away. She came down to my office before I arrived today with her little boy as it is bring your kid to work day and asked if I was here. A co-worker told her I wasn't but asked her if she would like me to go see her when I got here and she said that would be fine.

So like an idiot... No, not like one-the actual idiot that I am, I not only go up to see her and her son but because I happened to have some toys in my office I bring those as gifts for the kid. FAILURE!! When I left she said she'd see me at lunch and of course she never came to lunch. Total failure on my part and for the love of God please learn from me, because even I see what I did wrong, she came to me after NC, I then went back to her and on top of it, I brought gifts for her kid thinking in the moment she would appreciate that when in fact as I write this now, I realize it came off as total desperation because it was in fact total desperation. It came off as me trying to buy her affection through her son which I have to admit was exactly what I was attempting.

Once again I will point out I'm doing everything backwards and it's getting the exact problem I've had for the last while now. I've lost my edge and I let her lead. As God is my witness I can verbalize it here but in the heat of the moment I crash and turn into the nice guy which is odd because for most of the time I was in control until the last few months.

[talaniman]

Never, ever regret being nice to a kid. You have lost nothing this time at all, but being nice, and polite. Just continue no contact. This is getting intriguing.

[chuff]

Never, ever regret being nice to a kid. You have lost nothing this time at all, but being nice, and polite. Just continue no contact. This is getting intriguing.

Forgive my stupidity but what do you mean by this is getting intriguing? Like intriguing in something else is going on or this is part of a game or something else I can't see with my emotional blinders on?

Also to add to the intrigue during her drunk phone call last week she asked me why I don't call her anymore, at some point she got very sad and told me that if I called her we could go out and do something but that I "have to include my little one." I asked her back, "When have I not included you little man? I understand he's part of the package and he's the priority and I've never held that against you" Her response was a very soft spoken "I know, I know." I didn't give it much consideration as part of the overall conversation but today when she brought him by I guess I thought maybe I was being tested and I was trying to include him and I think I went so far overboard that it backfired.

[confusionmax]

Hii everyone! I have to say I love this thread. I think it gives hope and reassurance to a lot of people. So.. here is my update.. my boyfriend broke up with me on Sunday. We've been on and off this whole year. We were together for about a month, then split.. then decided to stay friends.. became good friends.. got back together 7 months later.. split again after a month or so.. he told me he wanted to stay friends.. I decided to have a nc policy but something came up the very next day. I had to send a message of congrads. He replied fairly quickly congratulating me as well. After that nc. I'm assuming that I've given him the OK to be friends.. and if he really sees me as a good friend to say the least.. he'll contact me. :)

[losingit77]

Must be having a good day because I didn't even wake up knowing what day of NC it was and I didn't even have to remind myself not to call him. There were even a couple of hours in there today at work where I wasn't thinking of him. So now that I've counted backwards, I can say its been Day 5 of reinstated NC (after a 13 day strectch broken, but hey, I still feel pretty good about it.. I mean we were together for 4 years, it's a hard habit to break). Almost 5 weeks since "the breakup". I just keep reminding myself that I made it 13 days at first so this stretch has got to go at least double if not longer than the last (baby steps). I won't conquer this in one day/one month, but I will conquer this. I will not die if I don't talk to him for a couple of months.. life goes on. Good, I'm happy today...

My friends keep reminding me that a clean break is the way to go. If he (my ex) can't understand that then he'll just have to learn to live with it. He made his bed, its time for him to lie in it. If he can walk away from me, than I certainly must be able to walk away from him. All right, I gave myself enough of a pep talk for now. Go me!

[ststoleson]

I'm on day 2, and all I can think of is this sucks.. lol