Ask Me Help Desk - Should I report his behavior to his religious congregation?

Should I report his behavior to his religious congregation?

My ex has recently been baptized in his new faith but has been acting in violation of Biblical principles being taught in his congregation. He is committing fornication by sleeping with women he is not married to and such an act is enough grounds for him to be disfellowshipped. I confided to one religious sister about this and she strongly advised me to report this to congregational elders for investigation and discipline measures. You see, I just broke up with my ex and despite my desire to move on, I feel obliged by my faith (we share the same faith) to report his behavior. He would definitely know if he gets investigated that I am responsible for notifying the congregation and Im afraid he might think Im still bitter about our relationship and worse, he might deny his acts and refuse discipline from the congregation. Worst, he might just stop pursuing his faith. I am torn now if I should just keep silent or continue with reporting his behavior. Am I doing more harm than good for reporting him?

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Originally Posted by mred

Im afraid he might think Im still bitter about our relationship

Hello m:

You might have pure thoughts, but I think you just want to get him in trouble.

excon

Isn't reporting him the same as judging him?

You might to report yourself as well for very impure thoughts: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...nd-308309.html

Also ex is correct, you're bent on revenge: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-468894.html

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

. . . and Im afraid he might think Im still bitter about our relationship and worse. . .

Lol

Come on, I read your revenge post yesterday.

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Originally Posted by mred

. . .Please help me put this man down.

That was my favorite line.

My favorite was;

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I want to make him feel sorry about what he's done

doesn't quite mesh with;

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Im afraid he might think Im still bitter about our relationship and worse

Doesn't your religion teach forgiveness? Judge not lest you be judged? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that jazz?

If you do report him at least admit to yourself that you're doing it for revenge and nothing else. I guess that would be between you and whatever God you pray to.

You might have pure thoughts, but I think you just want to get him in trouble.

I thought I wanted to have my revenge initially but after much thought, I feel that he should be spiritually guided. Also, I pity him because he's alone in a foreign country and his life seems to be headed downhill.

1 John 5:16
"If anyone sees his brother commit a sin that does not lead to death, he should pray and God will give him life."

None of us has perfect motives, but if you come before the Lord, yourself, you can ask Him to change your heart, and change your ex's heart, and He will hear you, and open a path for you to forgive, and for your ex to be cleansed of his sin(1John 3:9"No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.)

Beyond that, as your ex pursues Christ, Christ is pursuing him. The Holy Spirit will convict him of his sin, personally and then the man will have to grab hold of Amazing Grace for himself, or walk away from Christ.

There is actually a biblical protocol for addressing un-repented, continual sin in a fellow believer, outlined in one of Paul's letters. If you question your own motives, commit that, too, to the Lord, and ask Him to bring the sin to the attention of the church leadership, without your help.

Peace.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

... I feel that he should be spiritually guided.

Luke 4:23 - "...Physician, heal thyself.."

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

he might just stop pursuing his faith

And how is he pursuing it now? Not real honestly, it seems...

This is between him and God. Stay out of it. It's certainly not Christian love that's causing you to want to report him. (Are you a Witness?)

Stay away from other people business. If he were hurting someone physically, yes. But it looks as though he is just hurting your heart with out a doubt. No revenge needed, nor getting into something that is NOW none of your business. Sorry, but I am sure you are not perfect and if you had someone telling on you with every little thing you have done, you may get quite infuriated! Good luck with keeping with in your own business.

" If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone" John 8:7
" Vengeance is mine thus saith the Lord"
So already you are sinning as well. Will you turn yourself in?

I think you are hurt and mad and I can understand that, but don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
That is not in accordance with biblical principles either.
When a person converts to faith, he/she does not instantly change. Perfection is a journey we are striving towards so don't judge him. Leave that to the One who knows his heart.

You make sure your heart is in the right place, leave his actions to God, and stop spreading his business to others in the church. That is gossip and it is also sin.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And how is he pursuing it now? Not real honestly, it seems....

This is between him and God. Stay out of it. It's certainly not Christian love that's causing you to want to report him. (Are you a Witness?)

Yes Im studying with JWs. He just got baptized as JW and a sister advised me to report him. I talked to the sister and told her it might not be a good idea to pursue reporting my ex's behavior but she said if I don't do something about it, she will be the one to notify elders.

You go Homegirl, perfectly said! Not only has she spread it through her church, I am sure she hasn't kept it a secret to her friends.

Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT SO let me copy and paste it a hundred times so it will stick in your head, homegirl is so right on with this!
Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
Don't use phony righteous indignation to get back at him.
Well, you get the picture!

Then you might want to report or repent yourself because you have done this out of malice not for the state of his soul, and that is wrong.

You may have started a ball rolling you can't stop. That is the problem when you act out of vengeance.

Amazingly, in Christian fundamentalist churches such as the JWs, the one who reports the sin (for whatever reason) is not faulted by the congregation, and may even be applauded. What the church wants to do is expose the sin, hope the sinner will publicly repent (and will make life uncomfortable for him until he does, or instead disfellowships him). The exposure of the sin is everything, as a lesson for all "to eschew all evil."

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

Yes Im studying with JWs. He just got baptized as JW and a sister advised me to report him. I talked to the sister and told her it might not be a good idea to pursue reporting my ex's behavior but she said if I dont do something about it, she will be the one to notify elders.

Sounds like a cult.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

Yes Im studying with JWs. He just got baptized as JW and a sister advised me to report him. I talked to the sister and told her it might not be a good idea to pursue reporting my ex's behavior but she said if I dont do something about it, she will be the one to notify elders.

And that is when you go to him and ask his forgiveness because you were wrong to have opened your mouth to any degree about his business. Then, you let it alone and say you are staying out of it. See what you have started? If you were really pure in your thoughts, you would have just prayed for him and let it be.

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Sounds like a cult.

Not really, just misguided people. People need to think before they act! Sheesh!

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Sounds like a cult.

The Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs) consider themselves Christian. We tried to define "Christian" on the Christianity board; it depends on whose definition you want to accept.

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Originally Posted by startover22

And that is when you go to him and ask his forgiveness because you were wrong to have opened your mouth to any degree about his business. Then, you let it alone and say you are staying out of it. See what you have started? If you were really pure in your thoughts, you would have just prayed for him and let it be.

You have spoken truth!

Live and let live.

If you and the guy from January can sneak around, your ex can date.

It's his business, between him and God.

You are no longer in his life.

This really shouldn't be that hard for you to understand.

And how would you know that he is "fornicating"?

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Isn't reporting him the same as judging him?

Yeah I probably shouldn't judge him because Im an imperfect being just like him and anyone else. Seeing a woman on his bed at one point and hair strands of the same or probably another woman on his bed at another time leads me to conclude that he's definitely sleeping with them. How else would logical mind interpret that? Fornication, being having sex with anyone you are not married to, is strongly detestable especially in is faith. While I was overemotional in my previous post about possible vengeance at him, I thought my plans to report him to the congregation has an objective basis and not just personal judgment on my end.

Mred, I have a question. You stated in an earlier post that you and your ex lived together. Am I to understand that you lived together as boyfriend and girlfriend but you never had sex?

Are JW's allowed to live together if they're not married?

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Originally Posted by Revolutionary

1 John 5:16

None of us has perfect motives, but if you come before the Lord, yourself, you can ask Him to change your heart, and change your ex's heart, and He will hear you, and open a path for you to forgive, and for your ex to be cleansed of his sin(1John 3:9"No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.)

There is actually a biblical protocol for addressing un-repented, continual sin in a fellow believer, outlined in one of Paul's letters. If you question your own motives, commit that, too, to the Lord, and ask Him to bring the sin to the attention of the church leadership, without your help.

Peace.

I just love you supporting your post with Biblical verses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

This is between him and God. Stay out of it. It's certainly not Christian love that's causing you to want to report him. (Are you a Witness?)

You are right in here that it is between God and him. But the teachings in our congregation encourage that we get rid of the rotten ones to maintain the integrity of the congregation. Ive already forgotten the vengeance part. Now Im reassessing if I had judged him because really I have objective basis for it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

You are right in here that it is between God and him. But the teachings in our congregation encourage that we get rid of the rotten ones to maintain the integrity of the congregation. Ive already forgotten the vengeance part. Now Im reassessing if I had judged him coz really I have objective basis for it.

The rotten ones? Do you mean those that sin?

How do you have a congregation if you get rid of all the rotten ones? Everyone sins.

Sounds very misguided to me. So the congregation is judge and jury. Where is the loving embrace of God? Where is forgiveness and acceptance?

Doesn't sound like your congregation has any integrity to begin with, maybe it's time to weed out a few more "rotten ones". :(

You judged him because you were mad. That is wrong.

Were you not living with him at one time?

Quote:

Originally Posted by startover22

But it looks as though he is just hurting your heart with out a doubt. No revenge needed, nor getting into something that is NOW none of your business. Sorry, but I am sure you are not perfect and if you had someone telling on you with every little thing you have done, you may get quite infuriated!! Good luck with keeping with in your own business.

Well, he lied to me that he wanted us apart because he thought I was tempting him into fornication. But guess what, he is sleeping with other women and I saw it with my own eyes. I forgot most of my vengeance plans now and I feel guilty about telling a religious sister about it - she wants me to report the whole thing and protect the congregation. I don't want my ex to feel so much shame and guilt in all of this but I feel duty-bound towards the congregation

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

Well, he lied to me that he wanted us apart coz he thought I was tempting him into fornication. But guess what, he is sleeping with other women and I saw it with my own eyes. I forgot most of my vengeance plans now and I feel guilty about telling a religious sister about it - she wants me to report the whole thing and protect the congregation. I dont want my ex to feel so much shame and guilt in all of this but I feel duty-bound towards the congregation

Does the congregation know that you lived with this man? Is living with someone out of wedlock condoned by your congregation?

If you point fingers at someone for their sins, don't be surprised when someone else points a finger at you.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then you might want to report or repent yourself because you have done this out of malice not for the state of his soul, and that is wrong.

I didn't do this out of malice, I thought about it a lot. Please read my recent posts.

Can you please answer my questions?

Does your congregation condone unwed couples living together?

Did you two live together and not have sex?

Can't you see that it's just as easy for him to turn around and point the finger at you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Amazingly, in Christian fundamentalist churches such as the JWs, the one who reports the sin (for whatever reason) is not faulted by the congregation, and may even be applauded. What the church wants to do is expose the sin, hope the sinner will publicly repent (and will make life uncomfortable for him until he does, or instead disfellowships him). The exposure of the sin is everything, as a lesson for all "to eschew all evil."

Thank you for explaining this. This is true and based on the Bible. You a witness?

How can you say you feel "duty bound" when you also said you feel guilty about telling a sister about him?
You were angry and probably jealous when you did that. You did it with malice, which is why you feel guilty. (and you should) So now you have to save face and allow this man to be shamed.
I think that is wrong. You were wrong as well. Your heart was not in the right place. Who shames you? No one I'll bet

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

Well, he lied to me that he wanted us apart coz he thought I was tempting him into fornication. But guess what, he is sleeping with other women and I saw it with my own eyes. I forgot most of my vengeance plans now and I feel guilty about telling a religious sister about it - she wants me to report the whole thing and protect the congregation. I dont want my ex to feel so much shame and guilt in all of this but I feel duty-bound towards the congregation

This is the biggest B.S. post I have ever heard. "I forgot MOST of my vengence plans"? What? No, you forget them all, go be happy and get yourself together and learn the real value and meaning of your religion. You are talking to the wrong people in your congregation! Do not tear anyone else's life apart like you have started with this man. Not good.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Live and let live.

And how would you know that he is "fornicating"?

I saw a girl sleep on his bed with my very own eyes and at another time a hairstrands from a girl most likely in his bed. How else could a man and woman interact in bed when they're alone?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

I saw a girl sleep on his bed with my very own eyes and at another time a hairstrands from a girl most likely in his bed. How else could a man and woman interact in bed when theyre alone?

You were living with him, is that allowed in your congregation?

I'll keep asking until I get an answer. I'm guessing that I haven't gotten an answer because it is indeed not allowed by your church and you know it.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Put the rock down sweetie, you have no right even to hold it, let alone throw it.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Mred, I have a question. You stated in an earlier post that you and your ex lived together. Am I to understand that you lived together as boyfriend and girlfriend but you never had sex?

Are JW's allowed to live together if they're not married?

Good question. We are not allowed to have sex and we committed that error at the outset. You see, I am not yet baptized and didn't even know what fornication is until he taught me about it. He had known it all along and recently broke up with me to avoid committing fornication with me. I have since resisted his advances until then but now he's sleeping with other women and keeping it cool at the congregation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mred

I didn't do this out of malice, I thought about it a lot. Please read my recent posts.

I did read your recent post.
What I see is an angry woman who ran off and told one of the sisters at the church what he did and now you feel guilty because you know you did it because he lied to you. You were mad it him. That makes it personal and makes your reason for turning him in wrong.
If he leaves the church, he probably should because if he is shamed, you should be too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by startover22

This is the biggest B.S. post I have ever heard. "I forgot MOST of my vengence plans"?? What? No, you forget them all, go be happy and get yourself together and learn the real value and meaning of your religion. You are talking to the wrong people in your congregation! Do not tear anyone elses life apart like you have started with this man. Not good.

Is this you my ex talking?