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A devoutly religious couple,but each is firmly following a different belief/faith/religion.
How do you work out the finer details? Especially when it comes to kids,does the child get taught both faiths ?
If both parents believe each of their own is the right path,then who will the child follow?
Do any of you have such a marriage?If so, how have you made it this far?
Thank you in advance.
I was raised half JW, and half catholic. I stopped going to church when I was 15. I think being brought up with two different faiths helps to make you realize what is real TO YOU.
I think this is something each couple must decide for themselves, and likely was discussed prior to having children.
I imagine it would be very difficult for a parent to see their child follow a religion different than their own and think that as a result, their child will go to hell, or wherever. This is probably why inter-faith marriages aren't very common among the very devout.
For me, I'd want my child to be exposed to both religions and pick which suits them. Then again, I think it's easy for me to say that, since I'm of no religion!
Here's some interesting info on the subject:
Inter-faith marriages
CM,
Are the two faiths you were brought up in very different or had more similarities?
Was it hard for you as a child?Did you have to choose sides regarding religious issues when you were little?
Jill,
Thanks for the link,it sure is an interesting read,I am only on the first page yet(reading still).
FB - you're welcome for the link! It's a great site, lots of interesting information on it about different religions and hot-button issues. It's informative and pretty un-biased. A great resource! :)
They have their differences and similarities, neither was forced upon me. We went to two churches, and I chose what I wanted to believe.
My wife is a very active Roman Catholic (pastoral work and religious children's education).Quote:
Originally Posted by firmbeliever
And I am Secular Humanist. We married 39 years ago in church, after a firm discussion with the priest about my non-religious position.
I had to promise that I would not force my children into non-belief. I had no problem with that. While my three children grew up I took them to various churches, temples, synagogues, mosques, and humanist meetings. All three were baptized together when they were 11, 12, and 13 years. Today one is a Roman Catholic, one is a deist, and one is a Secular Humanist. Is guess I kept to my promiss !
The only thing required for inter-religious marriages and marriages between theists and non-theists is respect for each others positions. Also that you leave each other completely free in religious matters, and that you support each other when necessary.
As Secular Humanist I provided and installed a complete sound system free of charge in the church that my wife frequents , when we lived in Africa. Also I have no problems with helping out at church fêtes or other activities.
We have a clear arrangement on religious matters : NEVER argue about them, never attack the other for his/her worldview when something goes wrong .
Actually : it all comes down on respect for each other and each others views.
If a rep can live together with a dem, or a white skinned person can live together with a black skinned person, than why should a theist not be able to live together in peace with a non-theist, or with a theist of other views?
Respect for each other : the cornerstone of a marriage, also in religious matters.
;)
Thank you Crede for sharing how you make it work.
Hey Firm! I am in a religiously divided marriage with 2 children, well actually my partner is strongly NON religious.
What made it hard at first was that I had no particular religion when we first met and it wasn't till much later that I decided to serve God again (I was raised by strict religious parents and baptized at 16).
The other half (raised Catholic) was appalled at the idea as they have a strong dislike for all religion and didn't like the kids even associating with my new "friends". My friends weren't welcome in the house and I'd get the "you're nuts, look" whenever I went out to a service.
Things have improved somewhat as Cred mentioned, partly due to the respect I continue to show for the other half and also because of my improved way of life (I used foul language a lot, had a short fuse and was quite stiff necked when I wanted to be about, well anything and everything, which can't have made it easy for my partner). I've learnt to be more patient and use words "seasoned with salt" (Col 4:8) and we communicate a lot more too.
Anyway, the children are taught my beliefs but out of respect for the other parent, only when it's the 3 of us. They have prayers at bedtime, a regular study from a children's bible story book and get to go to all the services now. When the other parent is around they know not to talk about God or Jesus and one day at lunchtime they were even asked by my partner "aren't you going to say a prayer first?" Admittedly they were a little shocked.
I feel that as the spiritually strong parent in the family, it is my responsibility to teach my children what I can about God and His will, but eventually, they will have to make their own minds up on how they choose to live. (Eccl 12:1, Eph 6:4,)
Think of Timothy (if you're familiar with the scriptures) who later became a minister of God in the christian faith. His mother was Jewish yet his father was Greek. This is a good example of how a young man coped with his parents differing views and later embraced the religion he felt was right for him.
I find compromise goes a long way too. For instance, when I wanted to start studying the bible with a member of my faith, my partner said I wasn't to bring them into the house but to study in the car outside. This was in return for me taking our car to services. I was happy with that and so were my study conductors. We lasted 8 months doing it that way!
:)
Moparbyfar,
Thanks for sharing.
I was just thinking... would it not make a bit difficult for the children to live a sort of double life in that they mention the Almighty only in front of you and not your partner?
Isn't it a stressful life?
Oh for sure it was hard for all of us in the beginning with "teething problems" but I don't feel the children are living a double life at all, although I was initially worried it might come across like that to my other half. It was that serious at one point that my partner was ready to walk out. This would have been far more stressful for my children especially. But I persevered and praying to God also helped smooth things out some.
Being that they are still kids, they are very adaptable and in this case, to our family situation. Of course it is hard when an adult is NOT so adaptable and sees red just at the mention of religion. And naturally children can be very sensitive to feelings of tension around them, so I didn't even have to say much for them to realise it was not a good idea to do or say religious things in the other parent's company.
It's basically a case of "a right time and place for everything". Others may not totally agree with our method but as a whole our family are still a strong unit and the children love God and their parents equally... for now haha! But I think it is worth the extra effort I've put in, as my wonderful other half has opened up a lot more, no longer sees red (much), doesn't mind the kids accompanying me to services, and can even tolerate seeing the bible sitting on the table now.
Oh and my life is much much less stressful now since reaching out for God again. (Psa 55:22)
:)
Glad to hear you are working it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Moparbyfar
I hope your partner and you someday stand on the same side regarding beliefs.
As for me I think it would be too hard for me to be on the opposite end of a religious belief from my spouse.
There are certain things in every marriage when both parents have to take a united stand and being of the same belief system and having the same values makes it easier to deal when it comes to issues related to children and everyday life.
I have seen some marriages where a believer and non-believer can't seem to make up their minds on which side the children should be.Neither wants the kids to be neutral because each believes in their belief system as the right way.
The kids of such marriages (where spouses are in conflict)are I am sure torn between love for their parents and confusion as to where they actually belong or what they should follow when it comes to belief.
I once had someone very devout from another faith ask me why I persist when it is threatening my marriage. If it got this serious for someone new in their faith he said he would advise them not to pursue it, but then I thought, what point is there in having a faith and believing in something if you give in to every obstacle that comes against you?
I understand that it could be very hard for those whose parents are equally devout in different religions, I can't speak for them, but I guess that's why God advises us to marry "only in the Lord" so as to avoid conflict or even disaster(1 Cor 7:39, 2 Cor 6:14). But if already in that situation, we need to make an effort to work things out in a calm, positive way mainly for the whole family's sake I think. And yes you are right, many families probably do get torn apart emotionally because of religious differences. I think generally speaking, religion has a lot to answer for, as it is at the core of most problems today.
It's always nice to hear of couples who see eye to eye in all things. Am I right in assuming you have children who are grown? Do they have strong beliefs at all? Sorry, don't want to pry, but just curious.
Something we have had to work hard at together is being on the same wavelength when it comes to discipline. My spouse no longer thinks it appropriate for the children to watch R16 movies and games (they are 8 and 6) and even tells them off when they need it, which almost never happened before. They are also trying hard not to swear in front of them either.
I too hold the same hopes as you Firm concerning my spouse, that one day we can both stand firmly on the same side (1 Cor 7:16).
Moparbyfar,
I have one child just 3 years old.
It is my hope and prayer that she and any other children I may have will be of firm in belief as much or more than me.
Well, however old or young you are, you sound like a very wise soul. Oh to turn back the clock to the 3 year old phase! Enjoy your wee treasure!Quote:
Originally Posted by firmbeliever
;)
All that is required is lots of respect for the other(s) involved and their personal (religious) views.Quote:
Originally Posted by firmbeliever
My wife is a very active Roman Catholic (pastoral work and children's education), and I am an active Secular Humanist. We are married now for 39 years. Though we had many discussions, we never had any argument on religion.
Children - as far as I am concerned - should be shown ALL possible religions and their specifics, and you should leave it up to them to select what religion they select. My children were baptized together when they were 11, 12, and 13 years, because that is what they wanted than. Today one is Roman Catholic, one a Deist, and one a Secular Humanist.
Respect for others and their views : that is the key to multiple religious beliefs in one family.
WOW considering you have a wife who is Roman Catholic, I am very surprised to hear you have never had one argument, considering you argue with every single religious post on this board? Is it here you are trying to change or persuade? If you have the ability to respect the diiferent perspective of religion in your own family, why not on this site? NOT everyone is even religious that even responds? Quite simply, I don't get it.
I was raised Roman Catholic, my mother was a nun before she married my dad and my dad was a monk before he married her. I was brought up to respect and learn about all different religions. I have been to Temples, Buddhist and Jewish, I have been to Methodist, Baptist, Christian churches, and even Jehovah Witness Halls. I have also studied all types of Religion in College. I understand and respect ALL OF THEM..
Frankly, the American Indian Religion seemed to make the most sense to me while studying them, that and Hinduism. However, I have not attached myself to any particular religion ,while still teaching my children to have a love and respect for all people and their differences in lifestyles, religion, upbringing or beliefs.
Ultimately, that is truly the most important thing and the only thing we agree on. However with your arguments, you tend to lose that respect on this board and make it more of a personal attack.
FIRMY- hi haven't talked to you in a while , MISS YOU!! Lots of love..
I think that mutual respect and being open is critical to any family's success. My husband is more of a NON BELIEVER, however he doesn't try to change my beliefs about anything, nor could he. He also respects having our children understand their heritage, their upbringing and what their mother believes to be true. I can't say we have NEVER argued about religion because when two people entirely different view points, that is almost impossible. BUT we have also agreed to disagree.
There will always be times when couples have altering perceptions about child rearing, discipline, religion, sexual lifestyles, education, etc... but there has to be a meeting of the minds and an ultimate awareness of another way of thinking..
I have been with my husband for 16 years and both of my children have been baptized and yet I do not endorse or fully agree with the Catholic church or its doctrines. I never have and my children know that. Being honest is just as important.
In some ways, my husband and I both think we are right, but we are mindful that there is always a differing opinion but that has also broadened our awareness of the other's perspective, and created more of an opportunity of unity through difference.
Nothing is ever perfect, but it has worked so far.
Hi SS,
Wonderful to have you back!
We have been missing you.
Thank you for that insight into your family with different religious beliefs.
Thanks for the warm welcome firmy, glad I could oblige and share my own experience... NOT saying it works for everyone!! Lol lol I have missed our talks!!
The difference between her and many here on this board is that she often start when making religious statements with "I believe that ....".Quote:
Originally Posted by shatteredsoul
And that makes that I respect her views. I have no problems with what people believe. I have a problem with what they believe to be elevated into some format of truth without having ever been supported with objective evidence.
I am not against religion at all. I am against all the bull produce that is claimed to be some format of factual data that would be subject to all human beings. You may believe that, but it only becomes factual after someone has provided objective supporting evidence to that claim. And many theists here seem to have a problem with that proper approach...
:D
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IF you are referring to comparing my views with that of your wife, you are seriously misinformed. NOT only do you misquote my words, you then turn around to use them against me.. I DO NOT HAVE ANY VIEW THAT I FEEL IS RELIGIOUS< FIRST OFF, I also do not ever expect anyone to think MY view is the only correct one. I think I have stated that numerous times and on numerous posts. I BELIEVE my own perspective based on my experiences and my upbringing, just like everyone else. MAYBE you don't hear it that way, so you jump into it to find a faulty word and then act like your response is the universal truth when in fact, other than your reference to "objective evidence" ,you have haven't got a leg to stand on.
I don't think (BELIEVE) being aware of energy, the ability to love and be loved, or referring to a creator, has to be about religion or about objective evidence. IT has to do with our individual perceptions of what we believe to be true and correct.
I think your biggest problem is labeling people. I find it almost comical that you are so narrow minded and yet that is the same thing that you speak against. If I am one thing, it isn't narrow minded. I respect your view and I am not disagreeing with FACTS.. I know what a fact is, but interpreting every statement, issue or problem will be different with each person who observes it. FACT, (EXAMPLE) Someone could have the same effects while taking a prescribed medicine as they could taking a placebo (without knowing the difference) , while someone else doesn't feel anything. If someone doesn't feel anything, does that make them more right than the person who does? OR is it a matter of personal perspective?
YOUR view of what could be perceived as factual data that is subject to ALL human beings, MIGHT ACTUALLY BE what someone perceives as accurate information that applies more specifically to them and only them.
MOREOVER< I am not a THEIST nor do I have problem with any approach, except one that is limited in scope. YOUR thoughts aren't much different than someone who is absolutely resolved in their own religion. NEITHER is absolute... and yet I am not religious, nor am I spouting what is true for everyone, but you do not respect my view either.
YOur approach doesn't explain every mystery of the universe and doesn't take away from all the other perspectives on this board. Because you are overzealous in your responses, doesn't make them more accurate. YOu don't have all the answers and your argument that objective evidence is the only way to prove everything, is quite a slippery slope. You married your wife because you love her, is there anyway to actually PROVE that love exists? OR is it just something you know to be true? Do you have a connection with your spouse? Is it something you can show or prove? (Other than the physical things you do for each other) or is it something you feel that is between you. This is what I am trying to explain. NOT everything that exists or is known to be "TRUE" isn't a fact that is proven with objective evidence. THAT IS one way of proving theories or statements of fact. IT is one way.. NOT THE ONLY WAY, NOT THE UNIVERSAL TRUTH FOR EVERYTHING>.
So in a way, everything is relative.. What you see as beautiful, may or may not be true to someone else, that doesn't make it less beautiful. What you see as ethical and moral, to someone else isn't. These are issues that we have to recognize. NOT everything can be proven, nor will everything be understood or proven. WE AREN'T supposed to know everything, prove everything or have all the answers, that is why there are people who come up with their own theories and find evidence to support them. DO YOU see that? OR is it all just the same ground to you? YOUR approach isn't the proper one. (IN MY OWN OPINION)
I am Wiccan, my husband is C&E Christian. Both my parents and his are devout Lutherans, though my mother converted from RC when I was 10 or so.
We don't have kids, but what we'll probably do when we DO have kids is to teach them to think and believe for themselves. I am certainly not getting up at 7 every Sunday morning to fuss and muss and force kids to go to church. I will, however, take them to church if they want to go. WHATEVER church they want to go to. If they want to see what a buddhist temple is like, I'll try to find one for them. If they want to see what a synagogue is like, I'll certainly try to get them to one. While children are not necessarily welcome in a Circle until they are old enough to understand what's going on--I'll certainly take them to observe one many times.
My husband and I have discussed and decided that we're both pretty open to a person's beliefs being their OWN beliefs, and that we shouldn't "raise our kids as x religion".
This is where I will disagree as a Christian, it is hard to be with a non believer if you are a serious about your faith, How could you kiss your wife good night knowing that she is doomed to hell since she has rejected Christ. And someone who is a strong firm beleiver in their faith, would normally have the same feelings. As such it is always hoped and even part of the Christian faith, not to married those that are not.
Hi Synn,Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
I'm just curious. Will you take them to the different churches? Or only if they ask to go?
I only ask, I know it may sound like a silly question, but children, I wouldn't think, when the are so young, ask about different churches.
I respect your choice, I really do. But would it be better to expose them to the different faiths, even if they don't ask, and see which one they are comfortable with?
Synn, I only suggest this, as the greatest gift my Mom gave me was my faith ( other then life of course), and I cherish it with all I have. But I don't think, if Mom introduced me to God, that I would, on my own inquire, I probably, at that young age, would have just played the day away.
I was, as a very young child, so much in awe of my Jewish friends, and Protestent friends and Mom even let me go to a Protestent Church, but I was much more at home with my Catholic faith. I was even curious about the synoguge, very curious and even asked if I could go, my Mom had no problem with it, but for some reason I never did get to go. I thought I wasn't allowed by the synogoge, but I am only going by memory. I may have asked on their religious holdiay.
Well, now that I think about it, maybe children will be curious enough to ask.
Oh, we'll go to church for all the special things that families always go to church for--Christenings, weddings, funerals, Easter (which I personally have a hard time with, but since we're usually with family, I go to be part of the family), Christmas (which is such a message of love it's hard to NOT go), First Communions, etc.
I'm not Christian, so I wouldn't bring my child to a Christian church on a regular basis unless they asked. And as a Wiccan... well, my altar is in my home! Religion is every day! So unless they asked, or unless my C&E Christian husband took them, or their grandparents--no, I probably wouldn't take them. Would I explain about different faiths? Absolutely. And any questions I couldn't answer, I'd take them to someone more knowledgeable (a priest, a rabbi, etc).
I would, however, draw the line at my own child telling me that I was going to be punished for not believing in "x". That would be the end of THAT church/faith/synagogue/mosque/whatever. Making a child fear the punishments of a faith is the wrong way to go about it, in my opinion. I'll be teaching my children tolerance, and that every faith has its own beliefs, and that none of them are WRONG--it's just that different people believe different things, and that they have to choose for themselves what THEY believe, and what's in THEIR hearts, and that no one can decide that for them.
Does that make sense?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
It does make sense Synn. And as I was writing it, I did recall my curiosity about other faiths. We were Catholics in cement that was for sure (another words, we never wondered what it would be like if we were to be a different faith), but because my friends were all denominations, I was curious about their faith and found it interesting. But there was a common bond, in the reverence to their faith, it was all very interesting.
And on the very special Jewish holdiays (can't remember which one it is now), but Mom kept us in, out of respect for the Jewish community. The block was so quiet.
So, little Synn :), will probably be most curious too. And what a little cutie he or she will be :).
Chuck : I have been married to a Roman Catholic for 39 years and 4 days.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck
We never had any problems with our mixed spiritual relation. Neither did it cause any problems to us or others.
All that bothers me are these cold Roman Catholic feet against me every night. Would a pair of cold Humanist feet feel better ? I doubt that very much...
:D :confused: :D :confused: :D
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