Hi honey, long time 'no talk'. Sorry to find you in such a state.
It hurts like hell to be treated as if not worth anything, no matter how hard we try. Some men are just raised with the impression that the only way to treat us is like crap. Mine is the same way, and always has been, no matter how many times I try to mend things - it only works for a while and then he's back to his old ways. Some men just never change because they are so self-centered.
I did not reject him when he came back, and went through another two years of hell. Now, I'm sure I'm better off alone. My daughter is 32 though and not a small child that needs a 'family' She has a 'family' of her own and at least I don't have to worry about that.
What I do not like is the idea of being all alone, especially now, but I know that it is better for my self-esteem and well being. It does hurt, but I know that hurt is less than what he had dished out and would continue to do so.
One thought just crossed my mind... is it possible that he is enjoying an 'alternate lifestyle' and does not want to come out of the closet? He sounds so selfish and wanting the best of both world for himself. At his age, anything is possible..and probable.
The question here is do you want him to continue to drag you down and make a mess of the family image for the kids? Many of us have raised children on our own, not easy, but it's doable.
Weigh the pros and cons of your state, sweety, and make a choice that is best for you and the kids.
Wish I were there to comfort you, but I can send you a hug, a great big one.
If you leave him, you'll be sad, yes, but only for a little while until you realize that there is happiness out there..
Don't give up on yourself, you deserve a lot better.
Love,
Chery
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