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-   -   Why does my boyfriend love me but not care for me anymore? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=175008)

  • Jan 21, 2008, 04:12 PM
    salamander2322
    Why does my boyfriend love me but not care for me anymore?
    Right, me and my boyfriend are both 16 we've been going out for almost 3 years now and we love each other like crazy. We had a really rough patch in October/November last year as I was upset and bereaving because my dad had died.

    We are better now as we both really want this to work but I feel like he doesn't care as much anymore, I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, we spend the right amount of time together, he sees his mates, I see mine, we have fun but the only difference is that I tend to be there for him more, I comfort him when he's upset, nurse him when he's ill or hurt (rugby). I'd do anything. Recently I was ill and I thought I'd caught the horrible bug that was going round. I spoke to him on the phone a few days after he'd came to see me and he thought I was faking it because I didn't look ill, he didn't once ask me how I was doing after I went home ill from school he just simply questioned what was wrong as if to say there's nothing wrong with you.

    Another example is that just before christmas, at our school we can deliver candy canes to someone else and me and my boyfriend have always done it but this year he forgot and I'd bought his as soon as they advertised.
    I text him saying "whats red, white and stripy, you can eat it, it costs £2.50 and you always buy me one" and simply replied "a candy cane why?"
    I said " well have you bought me one?"
    "no sorry i forgot, I'm not in school tomorrow either so if you buy yourself one I'll pay you back"
    I didn't even bother texting him back. That is how much I mean to him sometimes.

    You may thing I'm over reacting but as I came to right this down worse case scenarios seemed to have disappeared from my brain. I love my boyfriend to bits but if he carries on like this I'm either going to drive him away by constantly asking for his care or he's going to drive me away because of his lack of care.

    Please, please help I do not want to loose him. I love him so so much xxx
  • Jan 21, 2008, 04:41 PM
    raggablue
    Sounds tough, you need to talk to him and tell him that you still love him but your worried that he's losing interest if he says that he didn't realise or that he's been distracted by work, then try and relight his desire, I'm sure you can think of ways to do that. And if, worst case scenario, he says that yeah he doesn't care then ditch him, don' settle for second best.
    If you need any more advice you can send me one of those PMs
  • Jan 30, 2008, 06:55 AM
    Bluerose
    You might love him to bits but he doesn't love you to bits, if he did he would have got you a candy cane. The candy cane thing is important, everyone gets to see who is getting one and who isn't, and d if you are supposed to be with someone and they don't even have the curtsy to get you one, what's that telling everyone else accept you?
  • Jan 30, 2008, 08:12 AM
    talaniman
    You are facing obstacles that can be talked about. But you may be overeacting a bit, as he just may see things differently, and he is not a mindreader. Communicate better.
  • Jan 30, 2008, 08:20 AM
    thegirlishurting
    Wow, he's obviously tasteless. From your story, I think he's simply bored and felt strangled by you.

    Any signs that he's seeing someone else?

    He seems to be busy, why not find another outlet to keep your free time occupied instead of hovering over your boyfriend. Be careful, guys hate girls who watches them like a hawk.
  • Jan 30, 2008, 08:25 AM
    HistorianChick
    I know the pain of losing your Dad, I lost mine 4 years ago and pulled away from friends/relationships. I also know the feeling of being ready to get back into living your life... and that it feels different.

    It sounds like you are giving and giving and this boy doesn't want to receive... or, possibly, he doesn't know how to receive anymore. You're not the same person you were before you lost your Dad. You've grown and matured in ways that he cannot possibly imagine... and that may scare him.

    You need to talk to him. Tell him your concerns about your relationship. Tell him what you're feeling. But Darlin, you need to know that where you are emotionally/mentally/spiritually could possibly be somewhere he doesn't want to go.

    I'm not saying that you're an emotional wreck or a needy girlfriend, because it doesn't sound like you are. It sounds like you have dealt with this horrific loss in the best way that you can, you've "moved on" (I know exactly what those words mean), and that you are a stronger person. You are able to give this guy comfort when he's sick or hurting because the value of a life is so much deeper to you now.

    Talk to him. Communicate your fears, concerns, heartaches. He may surprise you and become that knight in shining armor that you believe he is.

    Take care, hon.
  • Aug 29, 2011, 02:28 AM
    mggutierrezrn
    I'm in a similar case right now.. and besides the sour treatment.. he usually calls me negative names also.. like paranoid.. stupid.. slow thinker.. pathetic... and tells me that every time I would cry I look like I was crying like a pathetic baby, and because of this he never comforted me.. never did he wipe my tears.. or console me. He told me that those where tears of helplessness.. and should not be comforted. I don't know anymore why I am still with this guy. But good luck on your situation and may you be strong in times when you feel your breaking down..

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