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    tsmith17's Avatar
    tsmith17 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jun 9, 2010, 09:48 PM
    Why can't I move on?
    I need advice on how to fully move on from my first love.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #2

    Jun 9, 2010, 10:42 PM

    Well that's a bit vague, but there are things that most people recommend and they work.

    1. Delete him/her from your Facebook, MSN, and every other online account.

    2. Go to no contact. Do not phone, text, email or communicate in any way with this person.

    3. Start going out with friends.

    4. Join a gym, or another activity. Keeping busy helps keep your mind off the ex.

    5. Do not look for information about the ex. This falls under no contact, but it's a mistake many people make. Do not ask people how he/she is doing, what he/she is doing, or if he/she is seeing someone else.

    6. Keep a journal to mark your progress.

    7. Move on. Realize that it's over, but that you will be okay, it just takes time.

    That's it in a nutshell. :)
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
    Uber Member
     
    #3

    Jun 9, 2010, 11:49 PM
    Hi, tsmith17!

    I don't know the circumstances as to what happened between you and the one whom you loved, or why you need to move on now. If you would like to share about that, it would be appreciated. However, maybe it's not necessary for us to know.

    I don't really know...

    But, what I'm going to write about though, is how to move on, since that's what you asked about. I also write this according to my knowledge, experience and understanding.

    In a way, I've had many "first loves" in my life, since being able to know what love is really about, in a mature way, based upon knowledge and experience. Each love was unique and special, at least to me. For some people who constantly seek out someone for an intimate relationship, and don't seem to have the capacity to "settle down" with just one person, each experience might not be entirely unique and special. But, that's another story...

    People can love and be in love with more than one person in an intimate way from the heart. That's something that I've realized for a very long time. Knowing that has helped me to move on from one intimate relationship to the next one.

    I don't have to feel guilty in any way or to anyone that I'm still in love with someone who I knew ten, twenty or even thirty years ago. If there was true love, there was true love. I don't consider love in an intimate relationship with someone or between friends in a non-intimate relationship to be a light matter in the least sense.

    If true love existed in the instances of sharing with another person, what do we do when it comes time to agree or disagree to break up but do break up? Or, maybe neither person really knew why the relationship ended, but that, for some reason, it did? Or, maybe there was no possibility for there to be a choice on the part of either person for the relationship to come to an end on this Earth?

    True love, either was or wasn't there. The more we truly love, the more we hurt when it comes time to say "Good-bye" for whatever reason.

    What do we do? Deny that true love wasn't there? Just flush the whole experience down the toilet? Snip the love off like it's a frail piece of paper that's easy to be torn in two? Just forget it! If it wasn't true love, then just forgetting about it might be possible.

    If it was true love, then it's just not possible to get rid of it or forget it. However, there are ways to manage the memories and move on, ever onward, upward and forward into the future.

    Remember the love. Remember what it was like. Savor the good times that were there and the lessons learned from both the good and the bad...

    Move on with the understanding and joy that you are capable of loving someone in the true Spirit of giving... For that is what true love is - the Spirit of giving without looking for anything in return.

    Move on, without looking back...

    Again, I've had many "first loves" in my life. I would like to add now though, that even though some of those people might still love me and I them, that for one reason or another, things just didn't work out. That being said though, when I have and if I do meet someone new with whom I might fall in love, I always try to treat them like they are the first one that I've ever loved.

    Thanks!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Jun 10, 2010, 07:06 AM

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