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    Using the no contact rule after my girlfriend broke up with me via text.

    Asked Apr 7, 2012, 06:54 PM 17 Answers
    My girlfriend is young(she's 21), I'm her first bf(I'm 26). I broke up with her first (out of frustration) then tried to get her back 2 days later. I was very late when for our date to work things out. I know I messed up. She told me not to come. The next day I went to her job after she got off (she gave me the impression she wanted me to) and she went off on me. Then her parents(that I never met before) came out of nowhere and started going off on her telling her I'm stringing her along. There was no contact for 10 days (She never initiates contact). I contacted her for her birthday, we talked a little then she told me never call/text her again. I poured my heart out, she said it was too late and nothing I can say will change her mind. She was heartless. So I will give her what she wants. She did this 2 days ago. You think she will ever contact me? But she never initiates contact? I feel like she's too young to know what to do in a relationship. I do want her back. Her parents hate me cause of this and they live together (they kind of run her life). Is there a better way to get her back?

    Last edited by talaniman; Apr 7, 2012 at 07:09 PM.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,556, Reputation: 10717
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    #2

    Apr 7, 2012, 07:11 PM
    Stick with NC, and have nothing more to do with her.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 80,442, Reputation: 7604
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    #3

    Apr 7, 2012, 07:15 PM


    If she is too young ( how young?) to know what to do in a relationship, she is too young to be in one. Will she ever ? Who knows what may happen in 2 or 3 or 4 years, But you do NC, and move on with someone else in time and learn from this.
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    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 20,065, Reputation: 2776
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    #4

    Apr 7, 2012, 07:21 PM
    If someone says no, no it is.
    You want to try the 1% chance you can get her back? Try the really old fashioned way, letters. The kind on paper with a stamp on the envelope. It might take 3 a week for 3 months. It might never work. You didn't exactly show your love very well.
    You break up with her, and then show up late to work it out??
    I don't think you have a chance.
    And if she's 'she's too young to know what to do in a relationship' then you aren't the one to be her teacher.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 36,817, Reputation: 5321
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    #5

    Apr 21, 2012, 12:38 PM
    NC is NOT for getting her back again. NC is for you to heal and move on. That is the ONLY reason to do NC.
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    bri58325's Avatar
    bri58325 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Apr 21, 2012, 12:51 PM
    No that's not the ONLY reason.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 36,817, Reputation: 5321
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    #7

    Apr 21, 2012, 12:52 PM
    Yes, it is the ONLY reason!

    Otherwise, you are just playing games.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 80,442, Reputation: 7604
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    #8

    Apr 21, 2012, 12:53 PM


    Sorry, no contact is only to get you over, since there is no way to ever get back with them if you go proper no contact.

    If you want them back, go beg and plead and the such.
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    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,420, Reputation: 1930
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    #9

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:01 PM
    Best not to play games. If you want someone back, let them know. No contact, as was said, is about moving on. For some people, having contact just postpones the healing and causes more pain and confusion.

    If you neglected your girlfriend, then yes, no contact is not going to help you. If you want her back, do all that you can to let her know that. Doesn't mean it will work, but you have to give it your best shot.
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    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,907, Reputation: 3651
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    #10

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:01 PM


    For those wanting background information': https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...xt-649175.html

    No Contact, as Wondergirl pointed out, is about you healing and moving forward with your life.

    It is not a game.

    It is not a method for 'getting' an ex back.

    It is not a way to purposely and with intent cause pain to another person. Pain comes with a break-up. It is unavoidable. What is avoidable is making it hurt worse for her and yourself.

    NC is a way to give you both time to heal instead of digging at sores or trying to walk on a fractured leg. NC is a cast. You use it until you are healed and no longer need it.

    NC is to help you reduce the confusion you feel by limiting the input of the ex. No false hopes. No 'will we-won't we.' No 'what does she mean by.. '

    NC is for letting go of the past. It is for accepting that things cannot and will not be the same again.

    If you are hoping to use it to get her to contact you, then you are using it for the wrong reason.

    If she is using it to keep herself from contacting you so that she can heal, then she is using it correctly.
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    bri58325's Avatar
    bri58325 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:20 PM
    Umm NO IT'S NOT! NC also gives both people time to rethink the relationship. If the dumper made a mistake, they will never acknowledge it if the dumpee is constantly bothering them. They will only realize if they did the right thing IF NC is applied.
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    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,907, Reputation: 3651
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    #12

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:20 PM
    How long did you date?

    Bri, you say that she was too young to know what she wanted in the relationship. I don't know if that is true or not. But I don't think you have a mature grasp of the situation any more than you claim she does.

    You sound like a child who has thrown away a toy only to want it back later. She isn't a possession. She is a person who has decided her 'first boyfriend' won't be her last one.

    How many girlfriends have you had? How many times have you broken up with someone? What is your experience that makes you a better judge of what you think she wants than her own thoughts and feelings do?

    You said you became frustrated enough with her to break up. She seems to have decided she is frustrated enough to stay that way and to move forward with her life. Time for you to do the same.

    Stop waiting for her to contact you. Get out and live your life. Do things that help you stay busy mentally and physically. Work out, work on a hobby, get involved in self-improvement such as continuing education classes or volunteering. Someday, you turn around and realize you haven't even given her a thought for days.

    Use NC the way it is intended. Heal and move forward. Good luck.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 36,817, Reputation: 5321
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    #13

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bri58325 View Post
    Umm NO IT'S NOT!! lol I'm not stupid
    No, you're not stupid. You ARE incorrect.

    She isn't interested in getting back together with you, and her parents support her. It is hopeless. Move on and date other girls.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 80,442, Reputation: 7604
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    #14

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:25 PM
    I will agree, this sounds more like high school, I just thought they were kidding about their ages.
    You went to her work ? You thought? Her parents?

    Sorry she is saying no, unless you want her to file a restraining order against you drop her and move on. Don't bother her again
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    bri58325's Avatar
    bri58325 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:28 PM
    Lol no I'm not, I did this before(numerous times). So I'll go with personal experience.
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    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,907, Reputation: 3651
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    #16

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bri58325 View Post
    Umm NO IT'S NOT!! lol I'm not stupid
    It's not 'what'?

    You had plenty to say earlier. What are you objecting to in what we have said?

    Remember that we aren't in the same room you are. We need words to know what your thoughts are?

    Frankly, I don't think you are stupid. I do think you are hurting and not dealing well with the pain. I tend to think broken hearts hurt more than cracked ribs. Both take a while to heal and neither are comfortable while they are healing. But you can take measures to ease some of the pain.
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    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,907, Reputation: 3651
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    #17

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:32 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bri58325 View Post
    lol no i'm not, I did this before.
    You aren't still with that person, are you? So in the long run it didn't 'work' before. The way you used it only prolonged the inevitable.

    If you did this before then you should be able to see how manipulative and controlling it sounds.


    Edit: Op editted his post after I quoted it.
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    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,420, Reputation: 1930
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    #18

    Apr 21, 2012, 01:51 PM
    So you're saying, from your other post, that your ex doesn't know what to do in a relationship because she doesn't contact you and she expresses her desire for you to stop contacting her?

    Are you thinking that by going NC with her, that she will start to miss what she had?

    I get the impression that you are not sure what to do in the relationship. You can't make someone feel what they don't feel, no matter how much you may want it to be different.

    Certainly people can rethink a relationship, but if you want it to work out with someone, you don't ignore them. You let them know how you feel. Then you let them express their thoughts and feelings. Then you either agree to work on the relationship, if it is mutually desired, or you learn to accept that the relationship is over if the other person does not express interest in continuing or reviving it.
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