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    JellyButtonLint's Avatar
    JellyButtonLint Posts: 7, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Apr 13, 2010, 11:26 AM
    Trust and Fighting
    I have been fighting a lot with my girlfriend the past few weeks and I tend to believe it has a lot to do with the fact that she doesn't trust me anymore.

    Background Info: We've been dating for about 5 months, we have been very good friends for about 4 years.

    It all started about 2 years ago when I lied about the people I had slept with because I was embarrassed about her finding out the truth. She didn't know I lied until about a month ago. A month ago, the topic got brought up again randomly and I started telling the correct story, forgetting that I lied in the past. She called me out and so I tried to cover up the fact that I lied by tying the two stories together. Eventually my conscience caught up with me and I couldn't get myself to continue lying. I told her to forget everything I told her and I began to tell the story from the very beginning. She was pissed off for a few day and then we worked everything out. Up until then I had never lied about anything else and we have always been really open to one another even if its information best left unheard.

    Ever since then we've been getting into a lot of arguments. She is constantly thinking I'm being sneaky about stuff. To be honest its not really even arguments, Its her getting pissed off at me and me trying to explain myself.

    For instance, someone anonymously informed her that they had smoked a cigar with me. I told her I hadn't smoked a cigar for over 5 months (which is the truth). However she kept saying stuff like, "someone wouldnt say something like that if it wasn't true." Another time I had just put in bigger gauge earings and when she asked if I had gone up a size, I sarcastically said "no" just because it was obvious. Then I went upstairs to show her all the new plugs I got and she saw the old ones and was like, "why did you lie to me?" I explained how I thought she knew I was being sarcastic yet she continued to get irritated thinking I purposely lied to her again.

    She just can't take my word anymore. Idk what to do about it. I've been completely honest and am trying my best to earn her trust back. I need advice. Honestly I don't think any of our arguments are big enough to cause us to break up but the fact that we have so many is annoying. Its over the smallest stuff, and I know the root of all of the arguments are the fact that she doesn't trust me.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #2

    Apr 13, 2010, 12:07 PM

    You lied about something that you should have been honest about-everyone has a past,that's normal-but your lies obviously hurt.

    All you can do is working on regaining her trust by being truthful.
    And communicate instead of allowing the arguments.

    Let her know that you understand her being upset,but ask her to work on forgiving you and moving on.
    JellyButtonLint's Avatar
    JellyButtonLint Posts: 7, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Apr 13, 2010, 12:30 PM

    I know the lie was really stupid. I mean I committed the lie a long time ago, forgot about it, and it caught up with me. To be completely honest I am usually a very trustworthy person. Especially to her, given the fact that we've been so close for so long and are now in an involved relationship.

    I feel guilty still to this day because she keeps bringing it up whenever I ask her why she doesn't believe me. I wish she could see my thoughts. I'm not very good with my words so explaining myself tends to look more like excuses rather than an explanation.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #4

    Apr 13, 2010, 12:52 PM

    Then you both work on your verbal communication.

    Say it like it is,and speak until you both understand each other.

    And listen to each other,sometimes people are so busy listening to themselves and so forget to listen to and try to understand what the other person is saying.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,285, Reputation: 10853
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    #5

    Apr 16, 2010, 05:37 AM

    If you don't want to break up, you better talk about why she can't let this go. Seems she may have her own issues that have little to do with you.

    What was her past like? She may have things in her past that she has yet to deal with properly.

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