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NCmomof3 · Sep 26, 2010, 11:31 AM

I have a friend I've known for over thirty years. She's 44 years old and as two adult sons. She was married for 10 years-the relationship was very unhealthy, her husband abused substances, refused to maintain employment and he verbally and physically abused her. She divorced him when their sons were very young (ages 6 and 8). Over the course of the last ten years, she's continued to date guys who are a lot like her ex; substance abusers, men who use women, who for some reason or another are unemployed or who just are incomplete or unstable. Her family and friends tell her about their concerns and reach out to assist, when she asks or gets herself in a bind. Everyone close to her know about her relationship issues. The strangest thing is she does not seem to feel like she has a problem. She asks for assistance but NEVER takes heed to provided advice. As her friend, it's difficult to sit back and watch her time and time again disresprect herself by settling for anything thrown her way and her mostly reinvolving herself with losers. In attempt to get some understanding, I've reached out for spiritual guidance to help me deal with her. Many have told me to let her go and to wean myself from her. Others say, she will never get it. She doesn't seem to see that she's not a complete person who loves and respects herself. If she did she wouldn't allow men to treat her any kind of way. She'd love herself to deal with trash for any longer than a few seconds-and not months and years. I've decided to just keep praying for her. Because she wants to tell me about her new relationships or current ones, it's become really hard for me to even talk to her. She describes what are such unhealthy relationships. It's now become VERY diificult for me to talk to her. I really need to know what to do, not do or etc.Please advise.

talaniman · Sep 26, 2010, 01:18 PM

Tell her the truth. You love her and care a lot for her but your tired of hearing about her loser boyfriends. Friends are honest with friends,

That's just me, but I am known to be blunt. And harsh sometimes. But do keep praying for your friend, and don't judge her stu... p... I... ty.. see there I go again.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 26, 2010, 01:21 PM

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

Sounds good to me!

martinizing2 · Sep 26, 2010, 01:36 PM

Since she is an adult you can do little to help.

Caring is more than a lot of people do . I admire you for that, and going to the extent of actually doing something to try to help.

She is lucky to have you for a friend.
Too bad she will maybe never listen to you.

I suggest you show her this thread , you explained your care and concern very well. It may help to get through to her.

I wish you well