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Tiff11 · Oct 27, 2011, 03:41 PM

My boyfriend has a child with his past relationship that was an almost 2 month bad relationship (so he says). He knew her for only 2months before she he got her pregnant. She claimed she was on birth control but come to find out she really wasn't. I want children of my own when I graduate college and get a career. I love his child and I treat him like I will treat my own children one day.

I have been dating him for almost 2 years but when I got pregnant we were dating for 11 months and known each other for 3 years. He didn't tell his ex girl friend to get an abortion. He told me to get an abortion. It hurts my feeling that he would rather me kill my child but with her he wanted the baby. I tried to leave him but its hard and he said "sorry" and that he didn't mean it and wanted me to finish school then have babies. I understand that but it makes me feel like nothing when he tells me to kill my child. I love him and he treats me very good besides the abortion part. I didn't have the choice to choose to keep my child because it ended in a miscarriage when the baby was around a month old.

I still think about it and haven't forgiven him. I don't think I can forgive him. How can I stop holding a grudge and hatred toward him? Has anyone ever felt like this? What would you do if you were me?

DaniCalifornia · Oct 27, 2011, 03:49 PM

I think that you have the right to feel this way. I'm afraid the only way to get over comments like this is to forgive and forget. Or, forgive, and not forget. That's what I do. I remember the things that were deeply insulting and see if they've taken notice to the amount of offence it's caused.

He isn't telling you to get an abortion because he doesn't love you, he said it as he discovered how difficult and strenuous bringing up a child is. He possibly felt you're too young to have a child, and didn't want to, as some joke; ruin your life. But you're a woman, it's your body, and your decision. And remember to use contraception.

X Dani

Fr_Chuck · Oct 27, 2011, 04:20 PM

You can try counselling and see if that can help, but it is possible that you can't. Also why can't you leave him ?
Does he try to control your other activities ?

mmresd · Oct 28, 2011, 10:31 AM

The choice of keeping your child is yours not his. And how do you know whether he asked his baby mama to get an abortion?? Maybe she was just smart enough to say, F off and I am having my baby, without paying attention to him. If the guy loves you, he won't mind when you get pregnant. Tell this guy to get out of your life and focus on your new priority, your kid.

talaniman · Oct 29, 2011, 06:53 PM

I think you start with seeing your doctor for a follow up, and air your feelings with him so you can get guidance through this tragic event. Takes time to recover, mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally from a loss like this.

sw33ts30 · Oct 29, 2011, 07:02 PM

try looking at it from his view... he got some random pregnant he may not have had a say in whether that child was to be born it was his first so he may have went it. Now he is with you and has a kid with another girl maybe he want to make sure it works out with you before having another kid he may not want kids spread over the state. 2 years isn't really that long to be in relationship its still is new so give it time... sorry to hear about miscarrage hold on be strong and when time is right you will become a mother. If you do get pregnant by him be prepared to raise kid without him not saying he will leave but that's a lot of pressure having multiple kids out side of your home... goodluck

if you can't forgive him you may need time apart to decide if you need to move on.. remember forgiveness is for you to let go of tha extra stress worry and pain it is not a "get out of jail free card" for him... let him know 1 last time how you feel he (if he cares he will apologies for making you sad) and then let it go move on to a better life.

Blah642010 · Nov 1, 2011, 08:34 AM

Do not hold grudges no matter what happens. I can't imagine the feeling.. Personally I would have gotten really angry with him and I probably would have stopped talking-to him because of that I know it is hard to let go but if he says that to you and says well it's for you go finish school well he's just beig selfish! That's all that's you child your bringing it into this world your going to have to take care if it and people like that just care about themselves he's already had one but still that make it worse and you know what I'm sorry for him telling you that but to me that just shows how much he cares about your child.