[ayoob.u]

Sorry for the long post. Please read entire thing.

This is my situation. For the past 4 years I have been with the love of my life. We are both 22 years old. We met after high school after we started college. Before we met we were talking online a lot. We went to the same high school. Sometimes we would talk for the whole night. We did this for a while before we actually met in person. Anyway, we have been together for about 4 years now. Just recently we broke up. Last Thursday she went out with her friend. They went clubbing and she decided not to tell me. At the club she got drunk and on the way home she fell asleep at someone's house. That's when she cheated on me. She told me she couldn't go through with it and stopped it and took a cab home. This is a girl that doesn't drink or party. She is the sweetest girl in the world. She is very smart and kind. She was completing her degree in nursing and she was very close to her mother, who is a single mother who was cheated on. So all of this came out of the blue. I never expected it at all, it hit me like a train. We talked about it afterwords and she told me she wanted to do certain things like partying, drinking, clubbing with her friends, and she wanted to feel "wanted without being able to have." I loved her with everything that I had. I know she loved me a lot too. We did everything together and one day out of the blue it all ends. My friends told me to move on. I know she feels really guilty. She is very close to her mother and I asked her to tell her mother about what happened. Right after she told me all of this, the very next day I find out that one of my best friends died. Right now I really am lost and I have no idea what to do. I really need someone to lean on but my rock my love is not here anymore. I have been trying to keep busy and I try to surround myself with people but I feel so very lonely still. I just really need some help. Thanks

[Devorameira]

This is obviously a serious blow, especially coming without warning. She must have been thinking about this move in spite of giving the appearance that everything was OK.

I know you thought everything was great in your relationship, but are you sure you didn't miss something? Sometimes we're so hung up on our own feelings that we fail to realize that our mates are miserable.

With that being said, there is absolutely nothing you can do about her decision. She already knows that you love her and don't want to lose her, but she's made the decision to move on, so should you.

[ayoob.u]

I never treated her wrong. I always told her that I loved her. I just talked to her mother. She told her mother that she had never met anyone who loved her the way I did. When we were talking she told me it had nothing to do with me and that I was the greatest thing that had ever happened to her. She told me it was a very random thing.

[talaniman]

She changed on you, grew up and wants to be independent, and do her thing, and though you didn't see it coming, it happens all the time. No knock on you, or your feelings, but she has a world to explore on her own. She can't help it. Sorry for the loss of your friend, and I know its like a double whammy, but with time you will move beyond both of these events, and stand on your own, and go your thing with out her. Its just time to grieve, and mourn your losses, before you move on to explore your OWN world.

Your world has change, you have to adjust, and keep moving forward.

[ayoob.u]

I realize that I have to move on. But I just don't know how. How does one move on from something like this

[johnlocke]

Man, I'm sorry. My girlfriend of 4 years just gave me the dump as well, at least for now. You're definitely not alone.

My best advice is to stay on this forum and read, read, read. Read everything on here... all the stickied topics, all the personal stories. Its really been helping me. I even bookmarked this page on my phone so I can access it in class when sometimes my emotions are getting at me the most.

It sounds very difficult to loose two people so close to you, but you will grow stronger as a person. Keep your head up, focus on your career, and most importantly... abide by the NC rule! I'm currently engaged in this, and although its difficult, I get a sense that my girl is doing worse right now than I am...

[vanheart]

Sometimes we don't see it coming.

Whatever the reasons or how the hammer came down, its done, & boy does it suck. Over.

Like john said, read all the stickies here & more. Lots of broken hearts, and things to do.

NC is the only way here. That's means no email, calls, texts FB, talking with her mother, her friends. Basically anything that has to do with her. If you really want to go for it, chuck every email, picture, memento and whatever reminds you of her out.

If you do it now, you won't be sorry later.

Sometimes we are given a gift we don't know how to accept, then later we say "thank you"

You need to let the dust settle, know that's its over. No false hope or being her friend.

My ex dumped me after 5.
On the phone. "I want to be single"

You can fill the blanks in however you want.

You will be fine. Just don't faulter from NC.

[ayoob.u]

Wow you guys really help. But the NC is so hard. Every time I talk to her, it makes me feel better. I don't know why. Am I just the weakest person in the world? It's so tough

[talaniman]

Did you mean feel better when you talk, or keep hope she changes her mind alive??

[ayoob.u]

I just feel better when we talk. I don't really want her back but I do. But when we talk it just makes me feel better. But she cheated on me. How stupid can I be

[talaniman]

By continuing contact with her, you can never fully put this behind you. You can never heal.

Why does it feel better talking to someone you think cheated on you?

[invest18558]

Breaking up is never easy. It just makes it that much harder when you're with someone for so long and didn't see it coming. I've been through it, and it was a 4 year relationship as well. Don't dwell on the amount of time you spent together. Think of it as a learning experience. Vent on here as much as you want/need. It's a great community of people, who's been through it, and survived.

I suggest you join the gym. Remove anything that reminds you of her, and stick to the NC rule. I'm sorry for your lost and feel your pain. But like others said, she made her choice.

Cheating is never acceptable. You deserve someone better than that.