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kirstielou1987 · Jun 13, 2010, 12:32 AM

My ex boyfriend cheated on me on his last night in Hull before going to Australia for 6 months. This really cut me up, for the first few months we stayed in touch but then after that I tried to put him to the back of my mind. He came back to Hull the beginning of May 2010, and since then I have been meeting up with him and have found myself falling in love with him all over again... problem being he isn't interested (he has told me this) he said he just wants to be friends and wants nothing more than that with me, but he continues to see me. He is really messing with my head and hurting me more and more, I know I should walk away but I can't seem to do it. Please can someone give me advice because I feel totally lost and don't want to talk to my family or friends about this anymore as they are fed up of hearing about it.

positiveparent · Jun 13, 2010, 01:45 AM

I can see where you're getting mixed signals he says he only wants to be friends yet continues seeing you, however is his "seeing" you in a romantic vein or just friendly, you didn't say, if it is more romantic than friendly, as in you kiss cuddle etc etc, then he's using you, if its not and is just friendly then I think you may be seeing more into this than is really there, I suggest you either ask him outright, but it seems you've already done this, in which case you've got your answer, he's told you where he stands, and that he doesn't want anything more than friendship. If you continue with the ways things are between you, you are going to get hurt more and more, cut him lose, and accept its over, he's moved on, and so should you.

kirstielou1987 · Jun 13, 2010, 02:13 AM

Yes it is more than just 'friendly' when we meet. He changes his mind constantly, some weeks he doesn't want to be with me etc others he doesn't know what he wants... he is just changing his mind all of the time. Thank you for you honest answer, I really do appreciate it.

kirstielou1987 · Jun 13, 2010, 02:19 AM

Originally Posted by positiveparent

I can see where youre getting mixed signals he says he only wants to be friends yet continues seeing you, however is his "seeing" you in a romantic vein or just friendly, you didnt say, if it is more romantic than friendly, as in you kiss cuddle etc etc, then hes using you, if its not and is just friendly then I think you may be seeing more into this than is really there, I suggest you either ask him outright, but it seems youve already done this, in which case youve got your answer, hes told you where he stands, and that he doesnt want anything more than friendship. If you continue with the ways things are between you, you are going to get hurt more and more, cut him lose, and accept its over, hes moved on, and so should you.

Yes it is more than just 'friendly' when we meet. He changes his mind constantly, some weeks he doesnt want to be with me etc others he doesnt know what he wants .... he is just changing his mind all of the time. Thank you for you honest answer, i really do appreciate it.

positiveparent · Jun 13, 2010, 02:31 AM

I still feel you'll be doing yourself an injustice if you allow this to continue, he's getting the best of both worlds in a way, he doesn't want to give you any status as his girlfriend yet he kind of gets the perks of it if you catch my drift.

You have to make a stand and tell him OK if its friends its friends and that's all it will be no more kissing and whatever, Friends, don't get romantically inclined.

So no more romance , and stick to it, be more unavailable, be busy when he calls or wants to chat, make excuses, if he wants you this will make him sit up and be counted, if not you've lost nothing, because you didn't have it in the first place.

Good Luck.

kirstielou1987 · Jun 13, 2010, 03:41 AM

Originally Posted by positiveparent

I still feel youll be doing yourself an injustice if you allow this to continue, hes getting the best of both worlds in a way, he doesnt want to give you any status as his girlfriend yet he kind of gets the perks of it if you catch my drift.

You have to make a stand and tell him OK if its friends its friends and thats all it will be no more kissing and whatever, Friends, dont get romantically inclined.

So no more romance , and stick to it, be more unavailable, be busy when he calls or wants to chat, make excuses, if he wants you this will make him sit up and be counted, if not youve lost nothing, because you didnt have it in the first place.

Good Luck.

Thank you, I'm going to make a start from today. No more calls or texts, I can't do it anymore to myself, as like you said I'm just going to get hurt even more. He doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me, as when I go out he gets very jealous and says some not particularly nice things.

talaniman · Jun 13, 2010, 08:21 AM

Its not that you're falling for him again, you just never healed from his antics before.

Disappear from his life altogether, and you will heal properly, and not have false hope that he is the one for you.

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