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mute0 · May 31, 2010, 04:21 AM

Sighs* OK... I am usually your average interverted, psychotic, selfconscience, antisocial, better-leftin-the-shaddows-dude (aka loner). I really don't believ in love at first sight either. But anyway getting to the point I end up running into a friend or more so an aquantance that I have seen for the past uh... was it... meh lets say 4-5 years. For some god foresaken reason I decide to add her as a friend on a chat site and so we get along well... too well. It's kind of a win lose situation see here is what I am dealing with as we become closer we have a tndancy to open up more and we have told each other things that nobody else or VERY few people know. And what is so special between us is that one we are COMPLETE opposites yet we become so close and two she was the ABSOLUTE last person I would have imagined falling for don't get me wrong she really is gorgeous personality looks the works she is a real diamond in the rough! The fact of the matter is, for starters I don't know any of her friends and with my personality profile... tch! Pahlease I might as well go up to them with a sign that says: "I'm a pro at wierd". And the major barrier is that she already has a boyfriend. Now if that dude wasn't there I'd probably have a fair chance but... he is I respect the guy I respect her, but every time I talk to her I am afraid of saying something or doing something stupid... what do I do?

talaniman · May 31, 2010, 05:23 AM

Keep it real guy, as she is unavailable for romance, so whatever feelings you have, keep them to yourself and don't cross the lines of good behavior.

Okay she has stirred feelings in you, that's human, and it was bound to happen sometimes but you have to consider that loners have feelings too.

Sounds like a friendship brewing, and what's wrong with that? Just don't get carried away until you figure your feelings out, and just don't do something stupid, like ask her for dates or romance, or confess your love.

This experience will teach you much, and maybe you don't want to be that much of a loner any more.

Devorameira · May 31, 2010, 02:39 PM

She's already taken man! Just keep it as a friendship and don't try taking it any further as long as she's taken.

You seem to worry a lot about what other people think. You need to work on coming out of your shell and stop worrying about what you think other people will think.

Loners are no different than anybody else, they just enjoy being by themselves a little more than some other people.

Stop beating yourself up and get out there!

teastalk · May 31, 2010, 04:20 PM

Just be friends with her. Don't mention or insinuate that you have feelings for her, want to go out on a date with her, be alone with her, etc. It will creep her out and she will go running.

Just be friends with her. If she ever breaks up with the guy and you leave her some time to think things over. Maybe, just maybe you will have a good chance at finding out what it would be like to be with her.

For now, just leave things as they are.

mute0 · May 31, 2010, 06:04 PM

OK good answers but for one it's not me she's keeps coming up to me and no I really could careless with what people think of me (if u know me well u'll know I am generally obscene which puzzles me as to why we would even become so damn close). OK here's deal on the personal basis for I already told u I'm a loner I'm more blood thirsty than sex hungry in fact I hardly get aroused at all. I'm a general cold person and no I am not goth punk or emo... just abnormal. She on the other hand canels me out. She's inocent and sweet strong yet delicate she's been through a lot and the only thing that probably links us together is the relativity of the crap we have gone through. She is very faithfu and loyal. How we met was random and for some odd as hell reason she opens up to me and I open up to her and she has told me things that only she has told her boyfriend. They have been together or four month prior to a recent break up.

Jake2008 · Jun 1, 2010, 06:52 AM

You can't always quantify feelings with cold hard facts. Sometimes you just have to accept what it is, for what it is, and not wonder why.

The way you describe yourself, is, to me, a bit off, because obviously she sees a very different man than how you think you come across.

She has opened up some feelings that you may have thought were long gone, or buried, or hidden behind who you think you are to the world.

The only problem here is that she is involved with another man, and for now, you have to try to respect the boundaries, and not cross them.

As a friend, she seems good for you!

Might be difficult getting out of that comfort zone you are in where you were comfortable and predicatable.

I'm not knocking you, I think a shakeup is good for anybody emotionally.

Life is too short not to enjoy the company of others, and give you reason to think that maybe you have something to offer that you may never thought you were capable of.

I wish · Jun 1, 2010, 07:38 AM

Here's the guide for when you like someone who's already in a relationship: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ip-463250.html

The way I see it is, you're still confused about your own feelings. So until you sort out your own feelings, you don't have to make a decision on what to do next with her.

In the meantime, there's no harm is keeping in touch and continuing to get to know each other, if that's really your intention.

But if you find yourself only hanging around as a friend because you hope that will one day fall for you, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

talaniman · Jun 1, 2010, 07:45 AM

Its your choice to let others get to know you, or is it more important to live up to that "loner" image you have of yourself?

Torrid13 · Jun 1, 2010, 09:32 AM

Everyone needs a friend, whether they're kind, a douchebag, claustrophobic, bald, hairy, etc. You are no different!

I think it's great you've found a good friend! But I can definitely understand how confusing it can be, especially with a close friend of the opposite sex.

Whenever I started getting a good deal of male friends, I had all sorts of feelings. I thought I had crushes on them, or they had crushes on me, I felt embarrassed to be around them, & I felt giddy. But the more I hung out with them, I realized that it wasn't romantic love (or like) I was feeling towards them.

I was feeling deep friendship love! I could talk to them about anything, & they felt the same way. We helped each other through bad times, & our respect for each other grew.

In the end, I realized I adored them because I felt grateful to have such great friends, & in the beginning I thought it was "romantic love" because I wasn't very experienced with having friends of the opposite sex.

I think that's the case here. I think you & her both found a friend that you can be yourselves with, & it's a unique feeling you don't find with any joe-schmoe on the street. Appreciate that! Nuture this friendship. It's pulling you out of your shell, & that's amazing.

And do remember she has a boyfriend. Think carefully before you make decisions! Know the differences between the numerous types of love out there before making a hasty decision.

I think you're just absolutely smitten with friendship!

Homegirl 50 · Jun 1, 2010, 09:52 AM

I agree with TORRID13 you are enjoying your friendship with this lady and maybe you feel a bit uncomfortable about it.
She may also enjoy her friendship with you.
I have a couple of male friends who are dear friends to me, no romance involved but I love them dearly.

If you guys are really close, ask her what the deal is with her making contact all of the time if it makes you uncomfortable. Lay the cards on the table. That's what friends can do, get things out in the open and deal with them.