[teastalk]

I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this problem. My relationship with my boyfriend was going really great. He asked me many questions of myself and I did likewise. We laughed a lot and really enjoyed our time together.

One time we were on the phone, he sounded distant. I asked him what was wrong, but he said that nothing was wrong. After that, I drove over to his place to see him. He acted like his usual self, giving me a hug and kiss and saying sweet things. However, the following day he just sounded downcast on the phone. I don't know what happened... even in person much later on he started become distant as well...

I keep turning it over in my mind. I try to think back to that day and the days surrounding it. Yet, I can't come up with a reason why he would suddenly change his attitude so much. Surely, if I could come up with a reason, I could solve the problem... but alas... I cannot.

Why do guys lose interest in a relationship?

[ImTotallyLost]

Well... most of the times I was distant on the phone like that it was due to being stressed by work/school or something like that... I mean, I loved talking to my ex but there are just some days when I couldn't do more than just being passive on the phone...

And I have to say that I was usually clueless about my attitude... she had to say something like "why are so quiet?" or "tell me about your day" for me to get into the conversation.

[teastalk]

ImTotallyLost - when you were passive on the phone... did you ever tell her that you didn't feel like talking that day?

I did ask my boyfriend how he was feeling or what happened to him during the day. However, he only answered me with a single word for each of those questions.

Could you tell me why you lost interest in the relationship?

[expat2009]

There may be many reasons he's acting like this. He might not even know himself. Best thing to do is talk about what may be troubling him. If he says nothing, then just leave it at that. Give him some space to sort himself out and let him come to you. Otherwise, you insisting on this might just upset him and push him away.

[NItEMArE129]

The same thing happened to me and, honestly, when my girlfriend asked me about this, I didn't want to tell her what I was feeling. I was so afraid of hurting her with what I said I just told her it was puberty and stress. I think you should give it some time. If it goes on for more than a week and he doesn't have anything big happening soon, then talk to him about it. It might push him away to inquire, but if he's already falling away, what's the point of not doing anything?

[nike 1]

You need to discuss this with him. Approach him in an assertive way and let him know that this is a problem to you. And tell him you are willing to listen to what his answers are. Only then will you get the truth. No one on this site will be able to tell you why. Only he can. Every guy becomes more distant for different reasons. Some guys lose interest, some feel less admired, or some may feel their woman doesn't listen to them. It could be a number of reasons but only he can tell you his. Never let things ride and wait for him to approach you. First of all, he may not know it is a problem to you unless you bring it to his attention. And the longer you wait to deal with it, the more resentful you will feel about him. Truth is most of us guys are clueless about woman. Unless we are told certain things about the way women feel directly, we have a hard time figuring it out. Women are just way more perceptive to feelings then guys are. He will appreciate your directive approach more over than by throwing hints that he may never understand. Best wishes!

[teastalk]

It seems like most people think that the way to go is to just ask him, although a part of me also agrees with the idea that it will cause him to drift further away from me. I'm not sure.

I guess the best that I can do is ask him if there's anything bothering him and why he seems so quiet when we're talking over the phone.

What do you guys think?

[kctiger]

I will tell you why I lost interest... It was a pattern... the same stuff EVERY SINGLE DAY. Let me pain a picture for you. She would call, around 3pm, everyday. The conversation went something like this:

Her: "Hey baby, how are ya?"
Me: "Good."
Her: "How was your day?"
Me: "It was alright, you know, same stuff, different day. How about you?"
Her: "Blah....blah....blah" This went on for at least five minutes
Me: "Wow that is ________!" Fill in the blank depending upon what she told me
Her: "You wanna drive and come see me?"
Me: "No, not really. I am really tired, after all, I worked today. "
Her: "Alright, well, I will call you later. Love You."

When relationships become routine it gets boring and I just lose total interest. That is just me, and the phone call is only a small example of our predictability together.

[artlady]

Men are not known for being real sharers of their feelings. Or great communicators.

Not all guys! Some men are very sharing.:rolleyes:

They tend to give you monosyllabic answers,or maybe even a grunt or two.

As women we want to know what they are feeling and thinking and so we see this lack of communication as something more than what it is.

Perhaps you are reading too much into it.Maybe he is just tired of the routine in the relationship.

The only sure way to know what someone is feeling is to ask.Don't bombard him with questions about feelings... men tend to run from that as it is construed as *nagging*.

Simply say you think things have changed and ask why Anything else is pure speculation.

[teastalk]

I will tell you why I lost interest...It was a pattern...the same stuff EVERY SINGLE DAY. Let me pain a picture for you. She would call, around 3pm, everyday. The conversation went something like this:

Her: "Hey baby, how are ya?"
Me: "Good."
Her: "How was your day?"
Me: "It was alright, you know, same stuff, different day. How about you?"
Her: "Blah....blah....blah" This went on for at least five minutes
Me: "Wow that is ________!" Fill in the blank depending upon what she told me
Her: "You wanna drive and come see me?"
Me: "No, not really. I am really tired, after all, I worked today. "
Her: "Alright, well, I will call you later. Love You."

When relationships become routine it gets boring and I just lose total interest. That is just me, and the phone call is only a small example of our predictability together.

Kctiger - Why didn't you try to do something different with the relationship and help it mature and grow if you thought it was too boring? I'm just curious. I hope you don't take offense. I don't think there's anything offensive in my question... I just want to know. Thanks!

[haleighbeasley]

I think they lose interest becaues you probley use to dress up an all that stuf you feel more relaxed around him look go out with your girlfriends dress so cute and sexy it works he will be all over you when you get back my best friend does it all the time it works act like you don't give a and he will come back around I know I have been married for a while and I know that works if nothing else...

[liz28]

I think that sometimes people just grow apart. I rather to be alone than to stay with someone and be unhappy. That's wouldn't be fair.

People can be married for years( I talking about 20+ years) and split. Then your left wondering why the break occur after all them years.

The thing is how you handle someone leaving you. If I am with a person that no longer wishes to be with me then I tell them "bye". I don't want no one staying with me that doesn't want to be with me. Some people beg and pleads but I don't. Hey, it their lost.

[ylaira]

1. Things become routinary.
2. He found something MORE interesting.
3. His priorities changed.
4. He got tired.
5. He became "overconfident" in your relationship that's why he less exert effort.
6. You are just reading on it tooooo much.

[kctiger]

Kctiger - Why didn't you try to do something different with the relationship and help it mature and grow if you thought it was too boring? I'm just curious. I hope you don't take offense. I don't think there's anything offensive in my question... I just want to know. Thanks!

I did. We both did. It came down to a difference in personality. We had both grown so far apart we weren't even compatible anymore. There was also very little I could do at the time. She was going to school full time, half an hour away, and I was working 50 hours a week, so it put a huge strain on our relationship.

No offense taken. My post was meant to be more comical than anything. I just didn't like talking about my job, period. She, however, would always try to get me to open up to her about it... that was a fault of mine that I am still trying to work on.

[talaniman]

The simple answer to your question is that men, as well as women, simply change their minds, or their feelings, as time goes on.

When that happens, you can't change it back for them, you can only accept it, and deal with your own feelings.

I already know how hard that is, be fore you say it.

That's the whole problem, accepting the changes in your life and coping and adjusting yourself, instead of fighting that change.

[teastalk]

Well, I asked him why he's been so quiet or if there is anything that has been troubling him. He says that he's exactly the same as he was before. I'm not sure how to take this kind of answer. When I think about it, I am divided. One part of me thinks that maybe he hasn't changed, because I know that he's a pretty quiet guy... but another part of me thought that he was a lot more talkative and open before.

[talaniman]

Maybe you have changed.

[nike 1]

teastalk, I believe you when you said he has changed. Otherwise you would not be talking about it. You sense a problem because there is one. Don't let it go on as this will not cure the problem. You and him will only drift further apart in the relationship, then he will be wondering why you have changed. He needs to understand that. So many relationships fail because of these little things that go unresolved and build up over time till one day you start seeing that person as someone totally diiffernt than the one you first met. This as in anything else worth having takes effort. Don't dismiss your own feelings on this, I think you care about this relationship, and are willing to do what it takes, you are showing that concern here. If he cares too than he won't dismiss them either. I really hope the best for you, everyone deserves to be in a happy relationship.

[guyinthought]

What about us guys who don't know why we feel certain ways? I've been asked by an ex why I broke up with her and why I pushed her away. We had been dating for about 6 months and I went away for a month. For some reason, during that month, didn't feel connected to her any more..

[guyinthought]

And for some reason, I don't know why or how this developed. I want to know, what could cause this?