[nicnac]

When I'm single I feel pretty happy, confident and secure, but when I get into and am in a relationship for some time I become lost. I lose my confidence, am paranoid of being cheated on and created stories in my head of what "may" be going on when he's out with co-workers etc. Help. I'm killing my relationships.:confused:

[Delow84]

Talk to him. Communicate how you feel, and if you trust him listen to what he says. If he hasn't given you any reason not to trust him, make yourself give him the benefit of the doubt. I use to hate movies with cheating cause it made me more worried it will happen. And that hurts not only you but who you care about. You got to trust, and communicate, and just have faith :) My 2 cents

[dana21]

I feel the same way!!
When we are single we are so on top of things.. we feel we can do anything and be happy. Enjoying everything.. and from the minute you get into a relationship.. u change and you don't even know WHEN u change.. but you become someone different.

Everything you said I am the same way.. why is it ?
Is it because we fall in love and start caring more... and this creates us to be more cautious of the relationship?

[dana21]

Well.. I think we are the same person on the inside just we hold back!

[nicnac]

When I'm single I feel pretty happy, confident and secure, but when I get into and am in a relationship for some time I become lost. I lose my confidence, am paranoid of being cheated on and created stories in my head of what "may" be going on when he's out with co-workers etc. Help. I'm killing my relationships.:confused:

Hold back what?

[talaniman]

Stay single and work on your issues. Just be happy with who you are, and the things you do, if not make changes, that make you happy. If you need a relationship to be happy, that's not healthy at all.

[nicnac]

Stay single and work on your issues. Just be happy with who you are, and the things you do, if not make changes, that make you happy. If you need a relationship to be happy, thats not healthy at all.

Like I said I feel fine when I'm single. Im not looking for a relationship to make me happy, I just want to stay feeling the same confident woman, while in the relationship. It seems after 2 years in most of my past relationships including the present is when things fall apart... I become paranoid, and am really afraid of the next step. I end up sabotaging the relationship.

[confused25]

It sounds like you have a lot of insecurities. Unfortunately its difficult to say what exactly your problem is. More then likely it's a culmination of things.

These are some ideas: (1) You are seriously afraid of getting hurt so in order to avoid that you "sabotage" the relationship by ending it; (2) You have a problem with commitment; (3) You have trust issues and as a result you have a hard time trusting your partners.

The above are just a few ideas and the truth is that I could be completely wrong. Nevertheless, the best way to resolve this problem is to develop your confidence. Even though you say your confident the truth is that your not. If you were truly confident you'd be able to tell yourself "He's not going to cheat on me because he knows he has a great person standing by his side. Who on earth would want to leave me?" As a result this will also allow you to have an easier time trusting your boyfriend because you are confident in your contribution to the relationship.

Now if you're having commitment problems then you'll just need to ask yourself what you want out of life and go from there.

[confused25]

All right, so now you have an idea of why you sabotage your relationships. Now answer this: Why are you so terrified of being hurt? Is this because your parents or some of your close friends had a really bad end to their relationship that it is affecting you? Or are you afraid that there are better girls out there that your boyfriend would prefer to be with? Or is it something else entirely different?