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generalchow · Jan 4, 2009, 09:01 PM

My girlfriend and I have been dating about three months now. Basically my problem is this: My mother dislikes the fact that my girlfriend has not finished college and she has another 2 years to go. I am already a professional in the working world, but our ages are the same. She lives with her friends and acts as their nanny. This gives her a free place to stay and is supposed to give her a source of income, yet her friends have not paid her yet...

To me it is inconvenient that she is not finished with college, yet in that I am ready to own a house and start having kids. (I don't think it wise to get married before any partner of mine has a degree). We have had an issue between us about, well, religion I guess. I am a laid back kind of christian person, but she is apparently Wiccan. Meaning she is a witch. Which doesn't really go along with my outlook on life. I told her that I couldn't be with someone who was Wiccan and if it was that important to her that I didn't want to come between her and what she thought was best for her. Well, she decided that she didn't want to be Wiccan and that she wanted to be with me. So I am kind of worried that she is just placating me for the time being.

So what should I do? Should I listen to my parents who think she isn't ambitious enough for me because she isn't finished with college yet? Should I just try to get through hard times like this? Should I believe her that she doesn't want to be Wiccan anymore?

Help... please?:o

starfirefly · Jan 4, 2009, 09:04 PM

Why are you rushing to get married and have kids, if you want to be with her than why not wait till she's don't college and see what happens, or if all this stuff bothers you than why not leave its really more on what you think is right for you right now in your life

generalchow · Jan 4, 2009, 09:09 PM

Well, I'm trying to think about down the road. I mean, I am mid 20's and that is what in my mind that I think I should be doing. I just don't want to wait around and have the religion thing screw me over in the end. I don't want to get divorced.

starfirefly · Jan 4, 2009, 09:10 PM

You should really talk to her about it and see where she stands

debdoes · Jan 4, 2009, 09:11 PM

She is in school, so that's a good thing! She has goals to finish in two years so at least she is trying and will get there on day! I went back to University when I was 25 years old and it took me 6years to get my degree (and haha... no, I'm not a doctor!) The guy I was with at the time constantly threw it in my face that "I'm just a bartender," and he is a fireman so that made him so much better than me (so he thought, anyway). I thought W T F? I'm in school, I'm going to finish... stop throwing s**t in my face! I will get there eventually and I did the best I could while working full time to pay for my house that I owned.

generalchow · Jan 4, 2009, 09:20 PM

She hasn't got another paying job yet, because of the work schedule she has for watching her friend's baby. I don't know if she is going to find a job that will work around that schedule and school...

debdoes · Jan 4, 2009, 09:25 PM

Is she trying at least? Hopefully she isn't depending on you to pay for her stuff.

generalchow · Jan 4, 2009, 09:33 PM

Yeah, she does seem to be trying. She just got back from being out of state for the holidays, so she filled out some applications today. Will that be a good indicator if she tries hard to get a job? What if she doesn't? With the economy being so bad.. well how can I blame her for that?

debdoes · Jan 4, 2009, 09:39 PM

It's very hard! I've been done university for a year and I still haven't found a job in my field. You can't blame her for that, if she is trying. You said you are both 20 something? So young, lots of time for her to find a career! 2 years is really not that long away for her to get her degree. Like I said, that's great she's in school and she is trying and she will get it one day.

talaniman · Jan 4, 2009, 09:47 PM

You sure have high hopes and expectations for some one you've been dating for 3 months.

That's hardly enough time to know anything about her really, and its a red flag to be worrying, instead of having fun getting to know each other.

I doubt she will met your high standards if your already this concerned, so for her sake, let her go to find some one more fun, and accepting.

neverme · Jan 4, 2009, 09:48 PM

Em.. no where in this post do you say how you feel about her? Not emotionally. Her life is her business, for whatever reasons she took time out before going back to college. If you thought it was okay to accept this when you first met her then it should be now. If she doesn't depend on you money-wise her job situation is not a big deal, she is a student and as long as she has somewhere to stay and is satisfied herself, you shouldn't come into it.

To be honest I think you are the one with the problem here, grow up and stop evaluating your relationship based on what other people see. NO ONE except the two people in the relationship can see all sides of it.

DJ28 · Jan 4, 2009, 10:49 PM

Honestly I think you need to slow down! You guys have only been together for 3 months now, take your time and enjoy what you guys have.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 5, 2009, 12:04 AM

Ah, she threw the "I'll convert for you" card...

In my experience, this rarely works out. Also, like you said, you two are in different stages of life. Her, still in school, not having a job, and you, working full time.

Like the others said, you're only three months into dating, so give it some time. I'm not saying to have a pessimistic outlook on this relationship, but think about the future after a year or two.

TrueFaith · Jan 5, 2009, 01:02 AM

Word of advice kid

Living up to someone's expectations is a nightmare.

If you put all that on someone, you will never have a real relationship,
As for your mother.. well if you are a so called
Professional worker (clap hands), and have your own place yes? Maybe?

Then do as you see fit its nice to have the respect of our family, but sadly one day we must find our own way. There is no shame in that.

As for your so called relationship
3 months and you are talking about kids and all the big stuff?

Give it a year kid, then see where you are at.

itried · Jan 5, 2009, 04:47 AM

Man, do I ever feel bad for your girlfriend. Here she is in school trying to better herself (for you no doubt) and all the while it's not good enough for your mommy and daddy so it's not good enough for you?? For her sake let her go and find a real man. Someone who can support her no matter where she is in her life. She deserves so much better than this. And for your sake, ask your parents to find you a suitable match. It seems like all you care about is making them happy. Or maybe grow a pair and become your own man, stand by and shelter your woman from any storm mommy and daddy or life sends your way.

How does pursuing further education make her less ambitious than you? How do you think she would feel if she were to come across your post? I have so many questions, I don't even know where to start! All I get from your post is that you think that in some way she is beneath you because she is still in school and you're some hotshot "professional". You come across as someone who is extremely sheltered and inexperienced when it comes to life and relationships. Also rigid, inflexible and unable to cope with adult situations. Maybe I'm being a bit too harsh, but something about your post just rubs me the wrong way. Just a guess, but are you by any chance an engineer?

Oh, and to answer your question: Do her a favour and get out of this relationship.