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srulik86 · May 25, 2008, 03:21 AM

OK so me and my ex split just over a week ago, and all I was left with was a lousey text. That's all she gave me to end it after I acted like a the night before. A week later I stupidly text her and said 'look are you really telling me its over, just like that, after one mistake, and after everything you said to me a month ago ' (basically a month ago she told me how much she needs to be with me, she realised so much, she's never felt this way aorund someone else before' etc etc. and now just like that its over... through a text no less! Anywhew, she text me yesterday morning saying 'it just will never fully work' so replied 'you never gave it a chance to work, every time we come to a hurdle, you run away and all I'm left with is a text' (this has happened on 3 other occaions in the last 10 months. She then got all angry and asked why I'm being so nasty. I simply said 'because I'm angry that after everything we'eve been through, after everything you said to me, all I'm left with is a lousey text message, not even face to face , which shows me exactly how much I must've meant to you.' Tonight is our college ball/party, and so I told her 'ill stay out of her way completely, and we can then do the right thing - dissapeare out of each others lives for good' she replied 'i don't want any bad feeling, we're just not meant to be'. I haven't replied, but I keep feeling that I should text her before tonight and make her not worry, because I know what a worrier she is. I still have very strong feelings for her, and miss her like mad, I'm just so annoyed at her right now. Should I just leave things and move on... seems like the most obvious thing to do.

Clough · May 25, 2008, 04:59 AM

No, I don't think that you are in the wrong...

If a person wants a real relationship with someone, it won't be based upon the writings that they send to each other in text messages. You are human beings, flesh and bone. Not some electronic things that can be turned on and off at the slightest whim. It's easy to be impersonal as well as not show your true feelings in a text message. But, I think that you already realize that and maybe she doesn't yet.

You are correct, "and all i was left with was a lousey text." And, that's just it, it is very lousy to do something like that in such a way without some sort of in-person or at least voice meeting of some kind.

If you are really interested in her, then I would suggest calling her to discuss things or maybe even arranging a meeting somewhere. But, I would definitely not text her anything concerning the current situation between the two of you. If she is not willing to speak in person somehow, to work things out or to arrange things, then I would suggest looking at the other possibilities that you have.

You are young. There are plenty of "fish in the sea" from which to choose and get to know. When I was in college, I tried to date as many women as I could in order to find just the right match. It was okay with me and them that we were seeing multiple people.

Please give yourself a chance... You might meet someone else at the ball/party who might be just right for you! Or, at least someone else that you could get to know and see if things work out.

Hopefully, others will also come along to address your post.

srulik86 · May 25, 2008, 05:06 AM

Thanks, that was really helpful. I keep reading back what I sent her, and to be honest, there isn't really anything left to say, I've said how much she annoyed me. Only problem is that there IS bad feeling now between us, but saying that what's the point of me trying to make peace, the only reason id do that is to get her back, and to be honest I don't know if I want that now after everything. I've got a feeling she may try and talk to me tonight or send one of her friends to come and speak to me, and its horrible that bdeep down I what that, I just got to stay out of her away and get on with it. End of the day she did a very lousey thing after everything we've been through and if I keep reminding myself that I'm sure I'll be just fine. She said I kept rying to make her feel guilty, in some way I suppose I am, but I don't want her upset, I just want her to realise what a horrible person she has been to me. I've decdied not to make peace with her, there's just no point, it won't get us anywhere, we don't have to see each other anymore after tonight, so I'm just going to leave it and go find someone who won't just dump me instantly after I mess up a bit.

Clough · May 25, 2008, 05:24 AM

Then it sounds like you have already made your peace with yourself, and I would leave it at that.

I have been in love with many women in my life and most of them have also been in love with me. Am I still in love with some of them? Yes. Is that okay? Yes. Do some of them still love me? Yes. Is that okay? Yes. But, for one reason or another, we went our separate ways.

That's okay.

Have I come to a closure and completeness in my mind that things are truly over between us? Yes. Did it happen right away concerning the closure? No. Sometimes it can take a long time, especially if you are really attached to someone emotionally.

We all found someone different who was both a better fit and match concerning personalities, wants needs and desires. And, that's okay...

It does pay to shop around! :)

Please don't keep reading over the things that have been sent between the two of you. I do know that that's a hard thing for you to do. But, doing that might be okay for some kind of reflection based upon the fact that you might have come to some kind of closure with the issues. But, the fact is, that you haven't yet. So, please try someone else. Complete closure could take quite a bit of time...

Also, please remember, that if a person truly loves another, they will stay with them in the good times as well as the bad, no matter what mistakes have been made on the part of either person.

A person that you love, hopefully, is also going to be your friend. I like the Winter type of friends. They are there during the tough seasons as well as the easy ones. Kind of like the evergreen trees. But, some friends are like the fleeting flowers that only appear during the Summer and Spring. As soon as the going gets rough concerning the weather in life, they are gone and do not stand firm.

srulik86 · May 25, 2008, 05:31 AM

Well said and your so right! I would've stuck with her during thick and thin, all the bad times because I loved her and wanted to be with her no matter what. The fact that she walks away so easily proved to me one thing... she didn't feel the same... and that's fine! I'm gla di know now! Its sad, but true. She is only young, 19... and so am I, 21. Thanks for your honest advice I know this is best.

Clough · May 25, 2008, 05:37 AM

You're definitely on the right track here concerning your thoughts! I would appreciate it if you would let me know how things do work out for you, if you wouldn't mind?

srulik86 · May 25, 2008, 05:41 AM

Not at all. Thanks so much for all of this. Usually peple just tell me 'u deserve better, she is a b**tch, forget her'... its not that easy. So thanks so much. Do u use msn?

Clough · May 25, 2008, 05:52 AM

I know that it's not that easy... I've been there and done that. I know how it feels in your gut when you really care about someone. It really can hurt a lot!.

It would be best to keep things on this thread concerning what you have asked and revealed, so that others might also benefit who might be in similar situations. It is part of keeping with the purpose and integrity of this site. I do use msn messenger. But, it's only with a couple of people and I do so reluctantly and rarely, because I really don't like to chat.

I would really like to know how things go for you tonight, though. If you could post that here, that would be great!

talaniman · May 25, 2008, 06:45 AM

should I just leave things and move on... seems like the most obvious thing to do.

As you wrote, there is nothing left to say, so leaave her alone.

srulik86 · May 26, 2008, 01:45 PM

OK, so I went to the party and me and my mates all arrived like 3 hours late haha, as you do. Made a bit of an entrance haha, as you do! I saw her, but went straght to the bar wher ei was with my fieneds hot sister. She said to me 'steve why are thos 3 girls over there giving me dirty looks?' I turned round and I said because that's my ex and her mates' I then spent most of eth night eitehr with her, some girl I started chatting up on the dance floor and or dancing with my girley friend whom my ex had always hated me being frineds with due to jealousy. Now I didn't want to play the jelaousy card last night, but it just happened, and it really pissed her off. I then at one point saw her on her own, I walked passed rubbed her back, she turned round I smiled and winked, she smiled. That was it. Then I was at the door before she went to leave but saw me at the door and so turned back... which makes no sense, soon as I came down, she ran passed me and went out the door. I just keep feeling a lot of hate for her right now which is good because it means I really don't want her back, but I just want her to realise what a horrible person she has been to me. And I'm not going to sit around moping over her about it! And that's it, prob the last time ill see her for a long while.

srulik86 · May 26, 2008, 01:47 PM

Ah yes and also my ex said to a friend of mine 'steves been chatting up some blonde on the dance floor' he said she tried to seem not bothered or care, but I think obviously she did or why would she bring it up. Ah well, I don't care now, she made her bed, and I hope she realises that she's lost the best bloody thing ever!

srulik86 · May 27, 2008, 02:22 AM

I know this is a stupid question, but how do you think I've come off? Because my intention wasn't to flaunt girls in her face, my intention was to just go and imagine she wasn't there and have agood night like I normally would, and I don't want her thinking I was doing all of this because of her, which I just wasn't although it did feel pretty sweet when she kept starring over! I really started to miss her yesterday and this morning but I got to keep telling myself that this just will never work and how evil she actually is! I keep thinking, down the line maybe we can be friends, but I know that's just a stupid idea because we've been just friends before and it doesn't work, all that happens is that we both get jealous, get all mind screwed up and then argue then not talk for weeks. Its just horrible that the last 3 years, my college, my second home, all my hapy memoires are being blurred right now because she is my last memory of that place and that really upsets me and every now and again I have to see her. Like we will be wathcing our student films in a couple of weeks, and she'll be there. Next Friday I have to watch my friends play, and I know she'll be there and on the very last day (which will be the hardest) before the summer, there is a big fetsial in which we all have to act in... and I have to watch her which is going to be tough... but also she has to watch me, and we have nailed it with a winner this year!. I'm just trying to be strong and keep with the no contact because I know as friends we don't work 2gther and as a couple owe don't work... well we would but she never give sus a chance, she just runs away whenever we argue. I was with my mate and his girlfriend all day yesterday (2 good friends of mine) and it was so nice to see a real couple in love, who in front of me the night before had massive argument... something not as petty as me and my ex, and because they love each other it didn't matter and they were fine the next day. With my ex, if I remotely piss her off, that's it its over! I know this really is for the best its just so hard at the moment.

Clough · May 27, 2008, 02:46 AM

You know... you are correct. You will get through these things. You are moving on... But, doing so can be a very painful process. Please try to distance yourself as much as you can from her. Get busy with going about other things in your life that are important to you. Be the best person that you can be with who you are. It's the best that you can do! You will get through this!

Thank you for sounding off here!

srulik86 · May 27, 2008, 02:48 AM

Your right! How do u think I came off at the party? Like a fool trying to upset her? Or someone just moving on and having a good time?

Clough · May 27, 2008, 03:26 AM

I think that you analyze things way too much! But, please have comfort in knowing that I do exactly the same thing! I know how tough it is to be in the "throws of love", if that's even an appropriate phrase for it! But, I think that you might catch my drift...

I think that you need to concentrate on you and not be so concerned about what she thinks, feels or how you appear to her. It's over. Correct?

srulik86 · May 27, 2008, 03:30 AM

Your right! Its done! And your right I do analyse everything way too much, which has always been a big relationship killer for me. I just can't believe how sour things have gone between both of us, 2 weeks ago we were both all loved up, wrapped up in each others arms... now we're complete strangers and there's no salvaging us.

Fr_Chuck · May 27, 2008, 04:55 AM

All I can say is that no you are not really over her, nearly at all yet. There is still pain, and "hatred" in wanting to get back at her. Plus you have the issues of still thinking you will be back together latter.

It is too early in a relationship. If she would have been at this party with some other guy instead of other girlfriends how would you have been.
In reality, it is hard, but you need to try and not be around her for a while and consider the no contact while you learn to move on.

talaniman · May 27, 2008, 05:48 AM

Dissappearing from ones life is a good way to remove the awkward hurt, and bad feelings, as that party only reinforced what you already knew, your not over her, and the childish games aren't going to help either.

bigbird213 · May 27, 2008, 06:25 AM

Srulik,

I just read through the post and I only really have one thing to add.

To me, it sounds like you might be a little involved in playing games. I don't know if that is your intention, but it sounds that way to me. The brushing on her back, the "flaunting" of girls in front of her. Its obvious (and expected) that you aren't over her, but I don't see the reason to try to make her feel worse.

You said that's not your intention, so just be careful. I'm sure you really don't want her to hurt anymore than she has to, you must still care for (if not love) her. How do I think you came off at the party? Like a single guy who is interested in having fun, just make sure too many of your actions are centered around your ex''s response. That is a sure sign that you aren't quite ready to move on.

I didn't really like the word "evil" you used to describe her, but if that's how you feel now I understand. Just try not to let the animosity consume you :)

And yeah, I guess I'm a bit jealous that you were out chatting up girls so soon. I'm still waiting for my opportunity :)

srulik86 · May 27, 2008, 06:26 AM

Its true. We spent 2 weeks away from each other and I started to feel better, no contact or anything. Then seieng on Sunday was just hard, because it was her I wanted to be with, but I know deep down its never going to work. I'm having a hard day today, I keep thinking of her and thinking about when I see her next, which is wrong. No I'm not over her, and if I was over her, it would say to me that obviously I ddidnt love her in the first place. The sad thing is I know it will never work between us both, at least not now, and I hate that my life revolves around her still, even though she isn't in my life anymore. We have bene through the most rollercoaster relationship of my life. I did love her, but I know I can't be with her, we are just to similar and when we clash, we really clash. I just got to keep well out of her way and I'm sure I'll be fine... no I know I'll be fine. Just going to take some time.