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needofhelp · Feb 21, 2008, 11:42 PM

NC is a big topic on this board, and the main question is usually will it bring my ex back? The answer to that is Don't do it to bring your ex back. Do it because it helps your healing process. Sometimes a by product of NC is sparking curiosity in the other person. The take away is do it for yourself.

I was dumped after 2 years because she didn't think it was going to work out. I never initiated contacted, that meant no text, no emails, no phone calls. No Contact what so ever. It's hard to do because you think there's hope and you can talk your way back into it. If you are able to talk your way through it, ask yourself if that's what you want. You convinced that person to come back, that person didn't come back on their own.

She initiated contact, text, ims. I ignored them. This lead to occasional phone calls after 2 months. I did not answer. Again, its hard to do, and it will get you thinking and hoping what it might turn into. I felt bad and wanted to set things straight. I picked up and talked. That led to meeting, and she found that she missed me and wanted to work things out. We are now together and things are good and not so good in a way. Its good because she made the decision to come back and its what she wants. The bad, is the questions and doubts of what happpened during that time. It's something that I still work on. Its getting better. This might not be an issue for others, but it may come up. Also, coming from the dumpee side, you do have a memory that this person hurt you enormously. Question is: YOu can forgive, but can you forget?

NC did help, because she was curious in how I was doing, it allowed reality to set in for her. She wanted me out of her life, she got it. If you still make contact, you're not giving what they asked for and you become a nag. They will see if its really what they want. Others will also say that it hurts some of their ego, that you are just fine with out them. Again, don't do NC to play mind games. I didn't do it for that reason. I really needed it to move on, and for me to heal. Initiating contact would only hold me back.

NC helped, sharing my situation on this board helped, talking to friends helped. Knowing that I was not alone, and that horrible feeling was felt by others, and these same people healed and moved on. We are going to get hurt, not just once, but many times. Feelings never stick around forever. Life is fluid, and things will only get better, you have to want it and really try to get things better.

Stay strong everyone. There's a lot of great and helpful people on here.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 21, 2008, 11:45 PM

Just... beautiful.

ihatewestseneca · Feb 21, 2008, 11:56 PM

Yeah, that's awesome! I'd like to see someone doubt NC now!

ISneezeFunny · Feb 21, 2008, 11:57 PM

God I was such a doubter of NC.

My initial reaction to tal saying "go NC" was... "who's this guy? what's his problem?"

I thought... "how am I ever going to get her back if I DON'T talk to her?!?"

... then... a month into it, I realized... it's not about getting her back... it's about getting ME back. And once I got myself back, I realized... I don't want her back.

ihatewestseneca · Feb 22, 2008, 12:00 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

god I was such a doubter of NC.

My initial reaction to tal saying "go NC" was..."who's this guy? what's his problem?"

I thought..."how am I ever going to get her back if I DON'T talk to her?!?"

...then...a month into it, I realized...it's not about getting her back...it's about getting ME back. and once I got myself back, I realized...I don't want her back.

Same here... everyone comes to the relationship section of this forum looking for the same answer, the "magic potent" (as Tal would put it) to get their ex back. And what they get is an even better answer, it just takes a little bit to sink in.

CaribMan · Feb 22, 2008, 05:51 AM

Its been 3 weeks since I've seen my ex 5 days on NC. I realize I'm very happy being alone. I let go myself from her. But I still miss her, still have thoughts about her, still have dreams about her even last night I had one... part of me still wants her to come back to me on her own... sometimes I don't mind this waiting feeling but when will it end?? What you guys think give it another month>?

ISneezeFunny · Feb 22, 2008, 07:29 AM

Really depends on the person... how long you two have been together... etc.

For example, there are people on this conf that have been together for 2 years, and have taken 8 months of NC to get out of it.

I was with mine for 3 years. Took me 2 months.

lynxwizard · Feb 22, 2008, 07:31 AM

Needofhelp, Did you tell her you were walking away or did you just do it ?

HistorianChick · Feb 22, 2008, 08:00 AM

Beautiful post. A great addition to the world of shall-I-try-NC? Thank you for your honesty!

Here's wishing you many happy tomorrows!

susangpyp · Feb 22, 2008, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by needofhelp

Life is fluid, and things will only get better, you have to want it and really try to get things better.

Stay strong everyone. There's alot of great and helpful people on here.

GREAT POST!!! :D Thanks for sharing your experience with everyone. NC is the way to go for YOU.

susangpyp · Feb 22, 2008, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by needofhelp

Life is fluid, and things will only get better, you have to want it and really try to get things better.

Stay strong everyone. There's alot of great and helpful people on here.

GREAT POST!!! :D Thanks for sharing your experience with everyone. NC is the way to go for YOU.

friend4u178 · Feb 22, 2008, 01:42 PM

Great post needofhelp.

susangpyp · Feb 22, 2008, 01:50 PM

Friend4u178: is that an original quote? "there's only 1 thing more painful...."

It's a great quote

friend4u178 · Feb 22, 2008, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by susangpyp

Friend4u178: is that an original quote? "there's only 1 thing more painful...."

It's a great quote

Hi Susan
It's something I heard years ago , can't remember exactly where , so unfortunately I can't claim it as my own. But yeah I think it's an awesome quote.

susangpyp · Feb 22, 2008, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Hi Susan
It's something I heard years ago , can't remember exactly where , so unfortunately I can't claim it as my own. But yeah I think it's an awesome quote.

Thanks for answering! I looked it up and it's Archibald MacLeish an American poet and critic. I looked it up on Thinkexist.com

It's a GREAT quote. Thanks for replying!

friend4u178 · Feb 22, 2008, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by susangpyp

Thanks for answering! I looked it up and it's Archibald MacLeish an American poet and critic. I looked it up on Thinkexist.com

It's a GREAT quote. Thanks for replying!

Thanks for looking that up , I will add it to my signature , I think he deserves the accolade :-)

talaniman · Feb 22, 2008, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by CaribMan

its been 3 weeks since ive seen my ex 5 days on NC. i realize im very happy being alone. i let go myself from her. but i still miss her, still have thoughts about her, still have dreams about her even last night i had one.....part of me still wants her to come back to me on her own... sometimes i dont mind this waiting feeling but when will it end???? what u guys think give it another month>??

What are you waiting for, the feelings to go away. Why waste time my friend, there is a big world out there to explore.

talaniman · Feb 22, 2008, 04:38 PM

Question is: YOu can forgive, but can you forget?

You are correct, but if your willing to work together, to solve your problems to the benefit of both of you, you have a chance.

Jason8676 · Feb 22, 2008, 07:41 PM

Hey!
Great post! I've recently gone NC with my ex. She has tormented me with sporadic text messages. When I saw that red LED blinking on my phone, I got hopeful, maybe thinking that she wants to give things another try. If you'll read my previous posts, I talked about how the relationship died when she abruptly stopped calling and seeing me on a regular basis. I put my guard up, suspecting another man in the picture, so I went cold on her as well. After a brief resurgence between Christmas and Thanksgiving, it looked as though things were on the up and up but she was still behaving detached and erratic-exuding guilt that she could not express verbally. I went NC again, and three weeks after Christmas, here's a text message from her. The long and short of it is, I responded to one of her texts around Valentine's Day, when she asked me if I was getting her anything. I responded bluntly, "You're seeing somebody else. Why should I?" A week later she responds, I could tell that she was upset that I knew, because she named off two people from her workplace who are known blabbermouths and that she doesn't like very much. Point is, I'll never go to where she works, even if by some fluke Bermuda freezes over. I just knew that she was seeing somebody else because the writing was on the wall. Anyway, I did not respond, but the message made me sick to my stomach. I totally switched off my cell phone and vowed not to reactivate it until March 5-two weeks. That way, I can get into NC with a vengeance and hopefully start healing, without glancing at my phone every 5 minutes with the hope that she wants to come back. If she comes back, fine. If not, who needs her. In two weeks I'll be in better shape because I can focus on me instead of getting her text messages and having my emotions racked again. Jason

needofhelp · Feb 22, 2008, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by lynxwizard

Needofhelp, Did you tell her you were walking away or did you just do it ?

I had class with her, so we did have face to face contact. Sometimes we would talk, small talk to keep things 'pleasant'. Other than that, I just did it.

It was hard to have lost her, but for my own self respect, I did not contact her. Why should I go begging to talk or hear from her?