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DKeller16 · Dec 18, 2007, 06:15 PM

I dated a girl for five months - two of those months long distance. We began our relationship in Korea and carried it when I came back to the States and she moved back to Japan. Anyway, we broke up in August just randomly out of the blue. It was over the dumbest of reasons (not having spoke to each other over MSN/Skype for several days). I swear I thought she was joking when she called it quits, but apparently she was serious. Prior to the breakup, we had talked about staying together until we saw each other in the States. She had told me she wanted to marry me... and such. Anyway, the only way I knew how to deal with the breakup was to tell myself that I was in denial; that she never loved me, that she was too young to know what she wanted (she's 20 and I'm 25).

Today, after months of not talking to each other, she found me on MSN and told me she just got pregnant. She had nobody to talk to and was scared. She apparently was crying, too, and apologized to me. From August till now, I have thought about her every day. This news is crushing. I told her that I was so very sorry and said a formal goodbye. I wanted to support her, but I was in pain and disbelief. I plan never to speak to her. Good decision? Help...

I have literally thought of her everyday and it is incredibly painful that while I was in pain, she was having unprotected sex with another man... I can't believe this... And yet I feel like I have abandoned her by turning away from her calls for help. Why do I feel so torn? I should be angry and ashamed, yet I feel so bad for both her and myself.

UnAnaray · Dec 19, 2007, 05:34 PM

I think that he used her and that you should be sensitive to this. She is hurting and you still have feelings for her. Everyone makes mistakes, and she has realized it seems that what she did was a mistake. If you really loved her that you will except her back into your life maybe not as a girlfriend but as a friend.

talaniman · Dec 21, 2007, 01:02 PM

I think this is her life to straighten out, and that's the way it should be. Heal yourself as any decision you make will be an emotional one. Its between her and the father.

peggyhill · Dec 21, 2007, 01:14 PM

You sound like you're a nice guy for caring about his girl. Here's the deal. You are under no obligation to support her financially, or otherwise. She called it quits with you, dated someone else, chose to not use birth control and protection, and got pregnant.

If you want to be a friend to her, then that's fine and you're a great guy for doing so. If you guys are friends for a while, want to date, and you decide you are up to the challenge of raising another man's child, then fine. But, I would be a friend only right now. She may be using you or she may be scared and be turning to you because you're nice. Like you said, she is young and doesn't know what she wants.

You are under no obligation to continue this relationship because you feel sorry for her. If you want to help, it's your choice. But, don't let sympathy make you do something you may later regret. Good luck!

ilovcali · Dec 21, 2007, 01:33 PM

Hey man, you did the right thing. Feeling torn is natural. Pain is natural. You're human, you should feel.

But you did the right thing. It is cold and harsh, but she is not your problem. Her life's journey is no longer intertwined with yours. You offer her comfort because of the past. But that is all.

Even when you were the one who is wronged, it is tough to take a stand against the one who wronged when you cared about them. Stay strong and know that "goodbye" was the right thing to say and do.

--Cali