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Unico · Sep 21, 2007, 06:03 AM

I know this woman for over 4 years now as friends, but we've been dating for the last 10 months. Monday Sept. 10th early morning we exchanged beautiful messages over the phone and the same day at 1130PM she decided to end our relationship. She spoke about us having a very strong personality that she needed to break away from a relationship, that she didn't give herself enough time to heal from a past relationship. She said that she loves me, but she can't be selfish and needed to break away. I sent an email the following day letting her know how I felt, that I love her. The first week I was hurt, but manageable, this second week had been hell. I am keeping away from her, not calling her, nor sending messages, because I figure she needs time. I'm planning to send a card to her next week (third week) apologizing for things I know I could've done better. How should I approach this delicate issue? How to deal with the pain... I know... TIME right?

ConfusedandLost · Sep 21, 2007, 07:14 AM

Unico,
First you are headed towards the right direction, continue with the no contact with her. I would hold off on the card for at least 2 months. It looks like she is confused and still needs time to "heal" from her other relationship and figure things about you two. The absolute WORST thing for you to do right now is to be in her face and telling her how much you love and miss her, it will drive her farther and farther away from you. She knows that... this time she is asking for by breaking is meant for HER. Sort of disappear from her life... you have to let her realized that she misses you and wants to be with you... you have to create that "hole" in her life by doing that. It will be really tough... trust me I've been there, but you can do it.

As for dealing with the pain... go back to doing things that you did prior to her and you meeting. Hang out with friends and DO NOT speak about what is going on with them. Start a new hobby... do something you always wanted to. Basically find things to keep your mind off her and work on making yourself an even better person that you were before (not that you were bad to begin with). Use this time for YOU and explore life! Go on in life as if you were single and having a great time...

And remember one thing... something that I have learned. Right now you are chasing a "unicorn"... you know the beautiful mythical horse that can never be caught... get it...

Use this place as a place to vent and discuss... there are many people her with an abundance of knowledge that can guide you through this and how to "find" yourself again...

Good luck :)

Unico · Sep 21, 2007, 09:30 AM

Thank you ConfuseandLost...
Do you really think I should wait at least two months to send the card/letter? I was hoping for a month or so. Maybe I am a bit anxious, but in a way I would like to let her know that she has the right to feel the way she does, and to apologize for not being supported.
However thank you again... you have real good suggestions.

GlindaofOz · Sep 21, 2007, 09:34 AM

DO NOT SEND THE CARD.

What are YOU apologizing for? This break is not about you its about HER. It has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong. She needs to sort out what she wants and needs and she cannot do that with you in her life right now. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong.

You need to take her at face value and not beat yourself up. She says she needs to heal let her heal. When she is ready she will contact you. Until then enjoy your life. I know its hard but you need to let her do what she needs to do.

smoothy · Sep 21, 2007, 10:08 AM

The woman does not know what she wants in life... let her go. Better you find out now than after you get married and she decides what's hers, is hers and what's yours is hers too. I'l bet she had someone else on the side as well. Anyhow that does not change my answer.

Yeah it will hurt for a bit, but go back to doing other stuff and find a another woman that has a clue.